Are gays going back in the closet? (Ah, yeah!)

Related: What’s the problem with GLBTQ “assimilation?”

The Heteronormatives

UPDATE: El 30 de junio de 2014. Hola. Yesterday was (what I call) Gay Shame/Gay Discreet Sunday throughout the US/Los Estados Unidos. (Related: Change Gay Pride to Gay Discreet). It’s officially called “San Francisco Pride” here. I didn’t go because the thing has become so corporatised that it’s the equivalent of watching hours of corporate ads on television, according to someone who went and wrote me about it. I just wanted to bring this up: The person who went said that for the first time ever at this event, there were far more women there than men, which is the opposite of how “San Francisco Pride” has been for decades. What is going on? So I just thought I’d ask: Were there far more women there than men because the men have gone back in the closet, do not have “pride,” and are ashamed to be gay, are not “out,” and are being “discreet,” heteronormative and other such nonsense that I wrote about in this and many other articles? When I was in The Castro following this event, I noticed the number of females in The Castro and I asked myself: Where did all these females come from? And the reason I asked that is because The Castro has for decades been traditionally mostly muchachos/guys. I think that most of the people I saw in The Castro following this event were from the suburbs because the crowd that was in The Castro is usually not there. It was a very young crowd, which is not what I usually see in The Castro these days. It would not surprise me at all if gay muchachos did not go to this event because they’ve gone back in the closet. Chau.—rosa barrio

Update to this article: El 18 de abril de 2014: Are gays going back in the closet? Absolutely. Since I wrote this article last year, from all I’ve seen and read since, the answer to the question is: Yes, absolutely. Many gay guys (guys in particular) are indeed going back in the closet. There’s no doubt about that now and I find that pathetic and am completely disgusted by it. For example: What was the point of working for “same-gender marriage” if you’re going to go back in the fucking closet after achieving it in some places? What was the ultimate goal of the Gay Rights Movement? (Is there something in the water?) Idiots.

El 28 de octubre de 2013. Hola. Here’s an e-mail I received about this article:

“I don’t know what to make of this but wanted to respond to your article. I live in the Castro and I see a lot of what’s going on in the neighborhood and I see many of the same people each day. There are two different guys that I’ve seen for years holding hands with another guy walking through the Castro. In the last month I’ve seen both guys holding hands with women. The first guy stunned me and now the second guy has double-stunned me. My partner was with me when I saw the second guy and I told him. He jokingly said maybe she’s his sister and that’s all it is. Neither of us could remember ever seeing a gay guy hold his sister’s hand like that. There’s really something strange that is happening to the gay community in SF; going back in the closet for some is one of them. Thanks for your website.”

Article updated el 10 de octubre de 2013:

I received the following e-mail yesterday regarding this article and I thought I would post it here:
“Thanks for your article asking about gays going back in the closet. No doubt some are. Crazy. I’ve asked that. I’ve talked about it with my gay friends who are not going back in the closet. I’m seeing and hearing some strange shit out there. I’ll give you an example. I was waiting for the 33/Muni at 18th and Castro (San Francisco) and up walked this guy and this girl. I would call her a woman but she acted more like an immature type college girl. I looked at him and instantly said to myself he’s gay. I’m gay and I would have bet anything that he’s gay. He started rubbing her arms and she got up on her tip toes looking into his face as if they had just met and were going to go off and have sex. I watched him closely and listened to him talk and that boy is gay. I have no doubt. She was more masculine than he was. Your article came to mind as I was standing there getting annoyed wondering why this gay guy is playing around with a girl and trying to pretend to be straight in the Castro. I know there are bisexuals but I don’t think that applies here. I had to move away because I was getting annoyed by what looked to me like a gay guy staying in the closet in this day and time and they are in the Castro, not some backwoods where you could be beat up for being gay but in the Castro. What the fcuk is going on with people? I got strong signals that he was in the closet still and if the girl he was with cannot see that he’s gay then she doesn’t want to see it because he made it flamingly obvious to me that he’s gay. Thanks.”

My response: Hola y gracias. I’m getting several e-mails about this per week with people saying the same thing you wrote based on what they’re seeing in the Castro. It’s as if the Castro is being turned upside down: go back in the closet and hold hands with a female and pretend you’re “straight.” And this is happening in San Francisco of all places. I got another e-mail last week from someone who used to live here and came back to visit recently and said they barely recognized the place anymore that it has changed so. They wrote: “it breaks my heart to see what has happened to my city of San Francisco. The Bohemian City of San Francisco is gone in favor of tech shuttles, people whose life is controlled by their phone and luxury condos going up. I don’t plan to come back again to San Francisco because the city where I used to live and loved is quickly slipping slipping away.” So you’re not alone and I do indeed understand where you’re coming from and your frustration. I share it too. Muchas gracias. Chau.—rosa barrio


Article updated el 16 de septiembre de 2013:

The following is a personal ad that I’ve seen many times on a particular sex hook-up site. I’ve changed the ad text for copyright reasons but kept the original intent and most keywords. The gay guy is looking for a “straight guy.” Yeah right. Translation: Be heteronormative. Because if a guy is interested in another guy he is not “straight” but rather gay/queer or bisexual. The reason I posted this here is because it fits this article and also it reminds me of how some people are going back in the closet (or staying there) even as same-gender marriage becomes legal in many places in los Estados Unidos/US and around the world. What’s the point of working for same-gender marriage if you’re going back in the fucking closet or you plan to stay there? And you apparently think there is something wrong with being gay and that being “straight” is “normal.” Get some psychotherapy, muchacho. Loco. Here’s the ad:

A Secret and Closeted Relationship with a Straight Guy (I’m under the age of 30)
“I’m looking for a straight guy; but to anyone who sees us we will look like we are friends but really we are more than friends and maybe in a long-term relationship. Only we will know that. We would do the things that amigos do such as hang out together, watch corporate sports games, drink alcohol and get drunk, and like whatever. I’m interested in what you’re looking for. I crave sex all the time and I’m a jock.”

UPDATE TO THIS ARTICLE: El 17 de abril de 2013. Hola. Columnist Ted Rall wrote an article last month about Gays and Lesbians being Sucked in by the Far Right. What Happened to the Wild, Free Gay Movement of the 1970s he asks?

That’s long gone, Ted. There is increasing evidence of what Ted writes about in his excellent article and each day it seems I learn about yet another gay person who is conservative/right-wing and/or supporting them (of course they would likely hide behind the word “moderate”). For example, today I learned that the owner of the fairly new gay sports bar that I reference in this article below—some people describe this bar as a place for gays pretending to be “straight” (heteronormative) and they find the place obnoxious while others gush over it—is one of the major local supporters of putting a sports arena on the San Francisco waterfront where the City taxpayers will be paying for nearly everything when it’s approved. Ugh. There are many problems with this arena waterfront project and the project is essentially another free gift to the wealthy. From what I’ve observed thus far only the conservatives/right-wing support this welfare for the rich including the owner of this (supposedly) gay sports bar. So that tells me all I really need to know about him. I’ve seen this type of behaviour over and over with people by what they support politically. He has revealed himself for who he really is as far as I’m concerned. Malas noticias/Bad news. The corruption and scum in this cesspool only seem to increase. It seems to get worse with every passing day. Chau.—rosa barrio

UPDATE TO THIS ARTICLE: El 13 de abril de 2013. Hola. I had no idea when I wrote the following article that around the same time that one of the local gay rags/publications—the one I can’t stand and make indirect reference to in this article and which serves as a shill for The Establishment locally and at the federal level in the Estados Unidos/U.S. —would publish an opinion article urging young GLBTQueer people to stay in the closet until we have a more mature society. Until we have a more mature society? Nobody has that much time! And who is to decide when that will be? Mi amiga told me about the article and how coincidental it is that I wrote this article (below) around the same time. Of course by urging young people to stay in the closet, such thinking is encouraging young GLBTQueer people to live a lie and pretend to be “straight,” which is what I talk about in this following article immediately below. Chau.—rosa barrio

El 8 de abril de 2013. Hola. We are living in some strange times. I get the distinct feeling that some or many gays/queers are going back into the closet and adopting heteronormative thinking. It’s the way it seems to me and some people I’ve talked with. It’s a bit loco/crazy and Orwellian considering same-gender marriage is the law in some places now.

I’ve seen and heard many examples of what I’m talking about. Some that come to mind: I’m seeing more “straight” bar ads on utility poles in the former “gay mecca” Castro district in San Francisco. Until recently, I never saw “straight” bar ads in the Castro barrio, but when you see the ad showing a muchacho in white briefs holding a muchacha in lingerie clinging to him, it’s obviously not a gay scene but rather a “straight” scene. I’m seeing more of these type flyers in the Castro as the barrio becomes more and more of a “straight” drinking and get drunk neighbourhood.

The other day I saw a muchacho sitting on the cement planter on the edge of the Jane Warner Plaza. He was smoking a cigarette (which violates one of the eight things listed on those dictatorial “You cannot do” signs plastered all over both the Jane Warner and Harvey Milk Plazas).

He was holding a large sign that read, “Straight guy looking for a successful Daddy for help and advice.” Oh? My translation: So you need dinero/$$. That’s the bottom line. He was essentially soliciting for dinero and smoking so therefore he was violating two of those eight things (soliciting and smoking) listed on the “You cannot do” signs I spoke of earlier. The muchacho was clearly in need of attention. He didn’t appear to be homeless or a street person. He looked more like an office worker. He occasionally put down his sign to call someone on his mobile phone or to text someone. At one point he asked someone in the plaza to take a picture of him holding his sign with (I think) his mobile phone. The fact that he felt the need to say on his sign that he was “straight” is interesting. If I had wanted to question him (which I didn’t) my question to him would be: If you’re straight (ha!), why the hell are you in the Castro looking for a successful Sugar Daddy, which is the overall translation of your sign? Hmmmmmm? You’re looking for a wealthy muchacho/guy who will give you dinero/$$, correct? Why do you think a muchacho would do that? Perhaps you’re looking for sex, Mr “Straight Guy?” Are you still in the closet or going back in? Loco/Crazy.

There’s got to be something in the water as loco as people are acting lately. That would be another article in itself.

What I’m seeing is more and more gay guys seemingly trying to act “straight” by acquiring a jock/macho stance and going to gay sports bars so they can jock out there, as if “straight” is to be desired and considered “normal.” Why bother going through all the work required for making same-gender marriage (gay marriage) legal if you’re going to go back in the closet and pretend to be straight in the end?

Some organizations are feeding this nonsense to benefit them financially, as is always the case. My reliable amiga told me that she read that the local pride parade organization (which hasn’t been doing well financially in recent years) is interested in bringing in the corporatist sports teams (think “straight”) into the June San Francisco Gay Pride Parade. One wonders how much longer the pride parade will be around at the rate things are going in San Francisco (or will they continue it for “historical purposes” and for tourist dollars?) Mi amiga told me she read that there’s still a lot of anti-gay feelings and talk in sports’ locker rooms. Of course that’s the case, so why involve them in a Gay Pride Parade? The reality: The pride parade is really one big corporate commercial for various businesses, organizations—some with extremely overpaid and bloated-salary executives exploiting GLBTQueer people they’re pretending to serve—and for corrupt corporatist politicians to get their face on camera for the attention they crave. I asked mi amiga: Why would they want to bring sports teams into Pride? We both agreed it’s about dinero/$$, as usual. Are most gay people interested in sports? Not that I’m aware of. Historically that has not been the case. Some GLBTQ people have been programmed to think that they are supposed to be into sports (“the cool fad thing to do”), so they are now into sports. I suppose the “straight-acting” gays are now into sports as part of their act of being heteronormative and silly Mr Tough-Guy Jock and Mr Hard Ass.

A queer amigo of mine told me he’s very much noticed the heteronormative thinking of many gay guys. One instance in particular he told me about. He said (I’m paraphrasing): I’ve been shopping at this one store every week for many years and there’s a group of guys that work there I always presumed were gay. My gaydar told me they were gay. They would cruise me and I’d cruise them. You know what I’m hearing from them now? Heteronormative stuff. Lately on my trips to this store on multiple occasions I’ve overheard them talking with each other as if they’re in a locker room. They’ve been talking about this chick and that chick and scoring with this girl and if I don’t score with her you can have her and I thought you’d like her…and that type of thing. Sort of trying to “out jock” each other. This behaviour has completely come out of no where. I’ve never heard this from them before, and I’m thinking: What the fuck? I asked my amigo: What about cruising in the Castro, are you cruised in the Castro? He looked at me as if I were loca/crazy and said (again paraphrasing and remembering what he said as best I can): Cruising? In the Castro? That no longer happens to anyone. I haven’t been cruised in the Castro in years and I can’t get anyone to cruise in the Castro. They might cruise in the bars but I don’t go to the bars but on the street, hell no. New York City used to hold the title for snottiness. I think San Francisco now holds the title. I had one strange thing happen the other day. I was at the bus stop and this guy was locking his bike up at the bus stop. I glanced at him a couple of times but I quickly stopped doing that because he then started to look at me after that with this look of suspicion as if I were a convicted criminal. It felt weird. I thought: Do you think I’m going to try to steal your bike or something after you lock it up? (End of the comment from mi amigo).

I’ve heard similar things from other people.

Locally, some people have questioned the need for the new gay sports bar having open in San Francisco. They wrote “gays and sports – an odd combination,” and on their visit to the bar they said that they saw no one watching the wall of television screens showing sports in the bar but rather the guys were looking at each other as if they are in the closet again but have to be discreet about their interest in another guy.

Then you have gays who want to go into the U.S. military so they can go kill people for U.S. empire building and for imperialistic goals of stealing a country’s natural resources. The U.S. military is a “straight” environment despite words or laws to the contrary.

The sanitized “Family-Friendly” Gays

A couple of days ago in the Castro district of San Francisco, I saw a sign high up on a utility pole that read, “How to F*#K better.”

I thought: Well jesus fucking christ, if a sex and culture organization can’t print/say the word “Fuck” on their flyer how is anyone supposed to know what they could do better? It’s a flyer, not a moderated Internet forum where one can’t use the word fuck and instead has to spell it F, asterisk, number sign, K. And by spelling Fuck like this: “F*#K”, that spelling continues to perpetuate the stereotype/myth that sex (including fucking) is bad, something negative and that shouldn’t be seen by human eyes. This is more of that sanitizing and sterilizing of the Castro district that I’ve talked about before, which many GLBTQueers have gone along with. I saw something nearly identical to this a while back. On that flyer, they didn’t print the word “Fuck” either in the former “sexual revolution” Castro district. Those days of a sexual revolution are definitely gone. Today, look in one of the sex store windows and you see the sex video covers with white stickers all over the front of them because the prudes in the neighborhood (including “straight” and GLBTQueer prudes) don’t want to see a dick or ass picture on a video cover. That’s true; I’m not making this up.

The blatant hypocrisy of this is that many/most of these prudish people moved away from this same prudish thinking decades ago and moved to “sexual revolution” San Francisco to get away from that very puritanical thinking. Today (now that many of the same people have chosen to be “old” regardless of their chronological age), they have become the prudes they moved away from, in part, because they are now parents and are often just passing on their fucked up and dysfunctional parenting “skills”/thinking they unfortunately learned from their parents to their little darlings. Back to the fliers, even if some prudes don’t want their niños to see the word “fuck” (if it had been printed on that flyer), would their little darling have even noticed the word “Fuck” and/or known what it meant? And the flyer was above my shoulder level to begin with! So it was not as if any niños would have seen it. But so much prudish behavior and thinking is done in the name of the “what about the children?!” card. Ugh.

In our society there is a long, sad, pathetic tradition of giving undeserved consideration to the preferences and wishes of prudes. That translates into an expectation that non-prudes must give up their rights and freedoms so that the prudes can stop whining and can feel comfortable, often with the help of useless politicians and la policía. Some people do so want to return to the Dark Ages.

Columnist Ted Rall wrote an article recently with which we agree and it’s related to this topic I’ve written about:

Gays and Lesbians: Sucked in by the Far Right. What Happened to the Wild, Free Gay Movement of the 1970s?

Many GLBTQueer people have been sucked in by the far right and become conservative. That’s the case in San Francisco. From my understanding it was mainly gay guys who opposed and were hating on the few naked muchachos in the barrio and the gay guys supported the prudish city-wide nudity ban. One of the major gay rags—which is nothing but a shill for The Establishment and the misnamed Democratic Party—supported the nudity ban as well as sit-lie (criminalizing homelessness). The corporatist gay politician for the former “gay mecca” is a conservative hiding behind the word “moderate” to disguise the extreme agenda. The same conservative politician campaigned on hate for the homeless (criminalizing homelessness/Proposition L known as “sit-lie”).

In other cities in the Estados Unidos/U.S., a similar thing is happening. West Hollywood in Los Ángeles has been heavily gentrified, and I was reading about the Gay Easter Parade in New Orleans and cringed at what I read. They wrote this stuff:

“We wanted to foster a positive image for children and families,” he said. “There will be no vulgar, Mardi Gras style throws. There will just be beads, stuffed animals, and toys. Very family friendly.”

Vulgar? That’s a word I would expect to hear from Anita Bryant or Phyllis Schlafly. And here we go with the “family friendly” bull shit as “we” try to fit in and be mainstream/sheeple. I am so sick of hearing the term, “family-friendly” because all it translates into is sanitized, sterilized, heteronomative, stale, stagnant, bland, boring, mainstream, dull, corporatist, with a “G” rating and usually conservative with an unspoken mindset of:

“We’ll ‘tolerate’ the gays as long as they aren’t in your-face with their sexuality.”

Yes, let’s have “the gays” pretend to be straight, heteronormative and be “straight acting” for our “family-friendly” event. Fuck that nonsense. I’m fed up to here with it. I agree with Ted Rall. And you can read his article here, if you missed the link for it up above:

March 27th, 2013
Gays and Lesbians: Sucked in by the Far Right. What Happened to the Wild, Free Gay Movement of the 1970s?

Mi amiga said this: It seems that many gays will lose and shed as much of their original gay identity/culture as possible in order to be accepted by the “straight” herd or sheeple. They will even become what they used to complain about with “straights.”

Yes, that seems to be the case with many people. Chau.—rosa barrio




Information about the posters on this page: Gay Culture is Dead in 2014

Sexual Freedom and Revolution

Holding Her Hand, GF Away

Are most bi guys bi?

A Concerted Effort for a Hetero take-over of San Francisco’s Castro

San Francisco’s last gay gym fading to straight

Is it GLBTQ or LGBT?

What Happened to San Francisco? You haven’t heard?

Change Gay Pride to Gay Discreet

Why are hetero couples going to gay bars?

Gay Community being forced out of San Francisco

The “Discreet” Gay Guys

What’s with the “straight-acting” and “straight-appearing” in gay personals?

“Straights” come to the Castro to cheat

Condos, Condos, Condos

Addicted to thumb boxes

It’s like, i’m like, if you go lick

The anti-social corporate social media networks

Do you have Pride in your HIV status?

San Francisco was an amazing place!

The Conservative Gay Heteronormative Populace

Closeted Gays moving into San Francisco’s Castro

San Francisco’s Fading Gay Mecca

Naked muchachos in San Francisco

About the mismo sexo/same-gender artwork on this page:
Arte en lienzo Láminas (Canvas Art Prints). These láminas feature the words, “Feliz Aniversário” and you can customize the nombres/names to the people you would like to give it to. Dean Johnson Fine Art has quite a selection of Arte en lienzo Láminas at that link.