The “Discreet” Gay Guys


On pink barrio you will read no dishonest, revisionist history “LGBT(Q)” acronym, because I don’t use that. Fact: Lesbians did not lead the Gay and Lesbian Rights Movement as “LGBT” implies. Somehow, someone moved gay guys to second place. Why? Gay guys led the Movement along with trans individuals and Drag Queens, particularly with two riots at donut shops pre-Stonewall. Lesbians — or one of those elitist queer organisations on their behalf — hijacked our Movement by putting their needy and self-absorbed and self-entitled selves in first place in that silly acronym (LGBT). “LGBT” does not represent me and other queers from comments I’ve read from people online. And how many more fucking letters? The official acronym is this mess: LGBTQQICAPF2K+. If that isn’t the most ridiculous looking thing I’ve seen in some time. It almost looks like a type of barcode. Take for example “gay marriage.” Gay marriage is not called LGBTQQICAPF2K+ marriage. Fortunately. When gay marriage became legal in Taiwan recently, they called it “gay marriage.” They didn’t call it LGBTQQICAPF2K+ marriage. So why does anything else have to be called anything other than the words gay or queer? “LGBT(Q)” is divisive. It divides us up into group which leads to infighting and excluding some people. It becomes a competition to see “who’s the most discriminated against?” Related: Lea DeLaria: The LGBTQIA+ acronym is divisive. Do these “LGBT” corporatist conformist sheeple — and that’s who uses this “LGBT” shit in order to “fit in” and conform — not possess any critical thinking skills whatsoever? And I thought with “Gay Assimilation” that “everyone” wanted to be clones of the straights, no? The straights don’t have any silly acronyms or letters. So why are the conformist corporatists among us still clinging to this Brand LGBT shit? Because they’ve all been brainwashed to use it. And this brainwashing is no different than political partisan cult brainwashing. And sadly this dishonest and revisionist history “LGBT(Q)” is being used all over the world, rather than just the simple words gay or queer. The straights are known as straight or breeder, not this whole string of alphabet soup letters. And their sexual interests are just as varied as that of queers. What has happened to my fellow queers that they have become such fucking conformist, conservative (regardless of political party affiliation) and corporatist sheeple? They have become the opposite of who and what they were doing our proudly radical Left Movement. Chau.—el barrio rosa

The “Discreet” Gay Guys

Here’s the original article (from 2014) The “Discreet” Gay Guy:

Question: What’s the point of being discreet? What is a gay guy ashamed of or hiding that he needs to be discreet? Is this a case of internalised anti-gay feelings?

UPDATE: El 25 de septiembre de 2014. Hola. This article has generated a lot of interest since I first posted it. This past Domingo/Sunday was the Folsom Street Fair in San Francisco. It’s probably the one event that The City still has that is closest to how the former Alternative and Proudly Radical city of San Francisco used to be. In the evening after the fair, some people who went to the fair come over to The Castro and it makes The Castro seem sort of like the former Gay Mecca days. Under the rules of the city’s prudish nudity ban (authored by conservative and supposedly gay Politician Cocks), the Folsom Street Fair is exempted from the city’s ridiculous nudity ban. The atmosphere in The Castro when I was there was sort of festive. It was very pleasant, but rare and when this happens I tend to want to savor it and not have it end because it reminds me more of the city I moved to decades ago during the (then) Gay Mecca days. I thought of this article while in The Castro that evening. I saw three people stumbling down the sidewalk: dos chicos/two guys and una muchacha/one female. One of the guys was hanging all over the female and the second guy said: You’re gay so why are you hanging all over her? I thought: Well yeah, why are you hanging all over her since you’re gay? I’m seeing more of this. Trying to pretend to be “straight?” Is that a new silly fad among gay guys? Gay guys trying to pretend to be heterosexual with their gay shame? Is gay shame what the decades-long Gay Rights’ Movement was about? Are you one of these closet-case “discreet” and “down low” types who seem to have gay shame that I’ve written about? Listen to your amigo. Interesting that happened just at the same time I was there. Chau.—el barrio rosa

El 28 de diciembre de 2013 (El cuarto día de Navidad). Hola. Someone e-mailed me asking my thoughts on the overuse of and the obsession with the word “discreet” in gay personal ads especially in use on a major website (initials: CL, which should stand for Closet List). Even though I touched on this in another article, I thought I would make my response to this e-mail an article since that’s what it was turning into.

I’ve been reading men-for-men gay personal ads on CL, and the ads are almost copies of each other, at least many of them. Of course this is not new. I remember years ago, there was a run on guys saying how they: “like long walks on the beach, candlelight dinners by the fireplace, watching the sunset” and other seemingly required language for a gay personal ad. An amigo of mine got so turned off by reading that language repeatedly in personal ads that he decided to mix-up the language, so his ad talked about, “I like long walks by the fireplace, candlelight dinners on the freezing cold beach, and sitting in front of the fireplace watching the sunset in the fireplace.” As he said at the time, there’s this obsession with beaches and fireplaces in these gay ads and as cold as San Francisco is, most people are not walking on San Francisco’s Ocean Beach and I don’t know anyone with a fireplace.

Today, it’s all about being back in the closet even in San Francisco by describing oneself as “discreet” or “extremely discreet” and “bi” in many if not most of the gay personal ads I’ve read. I too had wondered why anyone needed to be “discreet” especially in San Francisco—of all places!—with our GLBTQ history. By being “discreet,” WTF are you hiding and from whom? What are you ashamed of? I know there are many bisexual people in the world, but in this case I suspect the word “bi” is being used exclusively as a code word in the ad to say: “I’m more masculine than a gay guy (in my mind) and that’s why I’m saying I’m bi because if a guy supposedly fucks pussy we all know that that guy is more of a “man” and more “masculine” than a gay guy (in my mind). (Me talking now): You’re fucked up in the head, muchacho, if you think that! So this guy is really yet another heteronormative thinking person. Ugh. And if some people think as he does, they should look up from their gadget-addiction on occasion and they’ll see that some of the females—holding hands with a guy in San Francisco’s Castro barrio—look more masculine than the guy does. And I know for a fact from experience that some guys who say they are “bi” are not bisexual (they just say that) and they have never been with a female. It just sounds “cool” to them to say that and makes the guy appear more “straight” and “masculine” to say that. Man, do some people have psychological issues! Also, can someone explain to me what the US flag has to do with sex? I’ve been seeing a US flag in images on some gay guy’s sex ads and I thought: WTF? What is that supposed to mean? Is that supposed to be some macho-type thing? [roll eyes]

It seems that most of the guys/muchachos—based on their personal ads on CL—are (back) in the closet even in San Francisco and the Bay Area. Loco. Absolutely loco. Is there something in the water? We are living in some damn weird times (gay=straight, up=down, left=right, etc). The word “discreet” is used over and over in gay personal ads. I was researching this before writing this article and found this:

Urban Dictionary:Discreet

Definition Two:
“Discreet: A word gay/bi men use to describe themselves in a cool way that they are closet cases and have no intention of coming out soon. This allows them to maintain perceived heterosexual privilege while engaging in their true sexual desires.
“Are you out?”
“No, I’m totally discreet man. I got a girl…she can’t know about this.”
“Ah, ok I guess I’ll keep looking.”
“Not into flamers anyway.” (Translation: flaming queens)
“Who says I’m a flamer (Translation: a flaming queen) just because I’m out?”
“Most are.” (Ed. Most gay guys are “flamers or flaming queens?…idiot)
“That’s a Stereotype. You should really come out man.”

Yes, he should. He should come out and be who he is and be honest with himself and with other people, rather than living a lie. If someone has a problem with someone being gay, it’s the anti-gay person’s problem, so why cater to anti-gay people and prejudice by presenting a lie and lying about yourself and being so-called “discreet?”

“Gay people can now live anywhere.”

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I’ve read that line many times in recent years. If that were the case, again, why are gay personal ads saturated with the word “discreet?” I’ve heard “gay people can now live anywhere” from mainly people who are opposed to gay areas of a city. Yet the same people don’t whine about Asian sections of a city (Chinatown or Japantown) or Italian sections of a city (Little Italy) or Russian sections of a city. No, it’s just the gay area of a city they talk negatively about and refer to as “the gay ghetto.” I don’t agree with the statement that “gay people can now live anywhere.” That speaks of ignorance, wishful-thinking and/or Denial on the person’s part who says that. If GLBTQ people could now live anywhere (specifically in the US), this would not be the case:

Hate Violence Against GLBTQ Community Is On a Dangerous Rise

Utah to appeal same-sex marriage case to US supreme court

And when people erroneously say, “Gay people can now live anywhere,” the word missing is “openly” meaning open to be who we/they are. Gay people cannot live openly anywhere. It really depends upon where one lives. But let’s say gay people can now live openly and comfortably anywhere. Well if that were the case, why are many gay guys going back in or staying in the closet and trying to hide who they are as a gay guy again by describing themselves as “(extremely) discreet” and “straight-acting” and “straight-appearing” and other nonsense that fucked-up gay people are writing in their personal ads? Heterosexuals don’t talk about being “discreet” (except when they’re cheating on someone) and they certainly don’t try to hide their sexuality, like these “discreet” gay guys. Just the opposite. “Straights” are very in-your-face-we-are-heterosexual with their sexuality from what I see around the Castro. And by gay people using these terms (i.e. discreet, straight-acting, straight-appearing), it tells me that many gay guys unfortunately still think there is something wrong with being gay after all this time and even in San Francisco with our history. That’s Incredible. (Yes, I know I’m repeating myself, but some people are slow and require repetition).

Suggestion: Get psychotherapy muchachos, preferably psychodynamic psychotherapy from a credible Doctorate level, preferably gay psychologist because you need all the help you can get!

One wonder: When will these gay guys come out of the closet and stop pretending to be a person that they’re not? Chau.—el barrio rosa


Some readers who read my article (“The “Discreet” Gay Guys”) and my subsequent Queer articles after that have asked me via e-mail: Why are you no longer writing about Queer topics? Well, that’s because I don’t see any reason to. Why should I bother? I’ve written about Queer topics for years and it didn’t do any good. Nothing changed for the positive. There’s nothing else to say about it. Only a few people seem to care in the big scheme of things. As with some other topics I used to write about, I seem to be “fighting an uphill battle” or “a lost cause.” Several examples that come to mind explaining this and some of which overlap: I’ve become disgusted with what the Queer community has become and turned into. Today, they are mostly DISCREET (translation: closeted), conservative, pro-corporatist, pro-Establishment, DISCREET, mainstream, DISCREET, non-alternative, DISCREET, non-proudly radical, sanitised, DISCREET, shallow sheeple trying to emulate the boring (and often conservative) mainstream breeders. Queers today are the DISCREET opposite of who and what they were during the decades of the Gay and Lesbian Rights’ Movement.

1. Monitoring television programming, one would think that the entire world consists of breeders. One gets the impression there’s not one openly Queer person in el mundo/the world, other than that heteronormative, corporatist, pro-Establishment, Obamabot Ellen daily promoting silly, dumbed-down and “stupid-is-in” and making millions doing so. She didn’t care how many immigrants the Deporter-in-Chief had deported or how many breeders and Queers Mr Nobel Peace Prize had droned or killed in other parts of the world in his 8 wars as she gushed over him at every opportunity? Or is she oblivious to all that? And I know Anderson Cooper is an openly-Queer boy, but I’m making a point here. Even most of the (closeted) Queer people before network cameras pretend to be breeders. They refuse to come out of the closet and announce that they’re Queer. Despite some advances that have been made for Queers over the decades, those advances are not reflected in 99.9% of corporate network television programming. All the programming on the español language networks I monitor is breeder-based. I am so tired of seeing him fawning over her, him making out with her, him holding needy-her’s hand, him holding her chin, him playing with her hair, her running over to him for more attention with one foot up in the back (she’s perched on one foot) desperate for attention, and him doing other things with her, when it’s more than obvious to me and my reliable Queerdar that “him” is really a closeted Queer boy. Such as the breeder-based dating programme that started on TV Azteca recently in the afternoons. According to my Queerdar, I’ve seen one closet case Queer boy after the other on there wanting to date a female. (roll eyes). Is this stuff for real or is staged just to create a programme? Do they ever have real dates? I don’t know. Mi amigo/My Queer friend says the same about the closet cases on television. In all of the Latino/Hispano/mexicano community, I only know of TWO Queer boys that are out of the closet. Just TWO. That’s it. Those two are Ricky Martín (Enrique Martín Morales) and Christian Chávez (José Christian Chávez Garza). All the others are closet cases despite the public being fed the wishful-thinking lie that “gay is now mainstream.” Yeah sure it is. That’s why I constantly read anti-Queer comments on political message forums and YouTube videos and everywhere else. “Gay is so mainstream” that’s why Queers are saturated all over my television. NOT!

I don’t watch the English-language networks but I would guess that they’re no different. I suspect 99% of the programming on those networks is breeder-based too. In the last few months I’ve read about one or two of those corporate networks planning to do a “gay programme” or bring back one they did in the past. Then some shallow, corporatist Queer organisation jumped up and down in celebration about this. Get. A. Grip. As some of us see it, it’s nothing but a “flash in the pan” in the big scheme of things and nothing to get excited about. Too often with these “gay programmes,” or when they feature a person who is supposedly Queer, they merely show stereotypical Queer guys and lesbians to continue outdated stereotypes. I’ll get exited when corporate networks changed their programming to where a large segment of their programming is Queer-based. I’m not holding my breathe for that to happen. But these little “token” gay programmes are meaningless in the big scheme of things as far as some of us are concerned.

2. 99.9% of the public — including Queers — use that cookie-cutter “LGBT” acronym nonsense because that’s what they see all over the internet. Even the anti-Queer far-right use “LGBT.” Some of us can’t stand the “LGBT” nonsense for several reasons:

1) to begin with, it leaves out Queers entirely…whatever nutball dreamed it up was prejudice against Queers.

2) “LGBT” is the hijacking of the original Gay and Lesbian Rights’ Movement by lesbians when they were not the dominant group of the moment so why are they getting “top-billing?” and

3) some people are asking: “What’s wrong with you gay guys, why are you giving “top billing” to lesbians? Why are you allowing that when you did most of the work during the Gay and Lesbian Rights’ Movement? Agreed. Yes, I fail to understand why lesbians get top billing. That makes no sense to me. I’ve read that the “L” was put first by one of those corporatist gay media organisations because lesbians were feeling neglected. (roll eyes) Oh the poor things. Well if their ass had done more during the Gay and Lesbian Movement they wouldn’t feel neglected. They deserve what they get, which is second billing as in GLBTQ, if one must use any acronym. That’s the way it should be written: GLBTQ. But personally, I’m starting to use the word Queer instead of any letters since this topic and acronyms feel like a lost cause.

3. The gay community to me and other Queers now seems dead and closeted. As I write in the article below, they’ve gone from proudly-radical and “out and proud” to proudly discreet which means either you’re closeted and/or cheating on somebody (or both). Looking at personal sex ads (on the site I call ClosetList), most gay guys today are calling themselves “bi” when they’re really gay. They think that “bi” makes them sound more like a breeder, more masculine, manly and macho even though they have no interest at all in pussy or in females but in today’s world lying and deception are in especially in personal sex ads where hardly anything is real about those. Calling oneself “bi” when one is really gay is a form of internalised homophobia because one is ashamed of the word “gay.” Didn’t most Queers work through this years ago during the decades of the Gay and Lesbian Rights’ Movement? Apparently not! And some of us see a major rise in internalised homophobia in the Queer commmunity today. It’s really pathetic what the Queer community has turned into. Mi amigo/My friend said the other day: “I get the impression that most Queer people are back in the closet.” That’s the impression I get too in the former Gay Mecca of San Francisco.

4. Just like with the breeders, from what we’re seeing most Queers today are wearing all-black or black and gray. What happened to the pretty Rainbow Flag colours, Queer boys? Today, it seems that most Queers consider the Rainbow Flag “too gay.” Yet another example of what I mean by going back in the closet with internalised homophobia. It’s as if Queers consider wearing colour an indicator that they’re Queer rather than a breeder and we can’t have that! No, the breeders are wearing all-black and/or black and gray and looking like white nationalists so the conformist Queers think they must do the same in order to “fit in” and “assimilate” with the breeders. Translation: Going back in the closet. Ugh.

5. In this new tech-zombie San Francisco, mi amigo (a Queer boy) has told me repeatedly about how he has made the mistake of fleetingly glancing at another guy on the sidewalk (no one cruises anyone anymore) — who apparently turns out to be a breeder — and the guy gives mi amigo a very disapproving, snarling angry look as if he’s about to say, “don’t you look at me you faggot.” Sigh. This anti-Queer behaviour did not happen in the San Francisco of the Gay Mecca. This has happened in the new Breeder Mecca and here which has taken over and replaced the former Gay Mecca. I should point out that people who are secure with themselves and their sexuality would not respond the way these breeder basura respond just because another guy happened to fleetingly look at them. Los pendejos.

So in conclusion, to me this all seems like an uphill battle and I’m tired of it and tired of wasting my time writing about it. All I see are breeder people (making out), or Queers (both guys and females) trying to pretend to be breeders and heteronormative so that no one will possibly think that they are Queer because we know how awful that is, right? (More internalised homophobia.) In San Francisco’s Castro, the former gay mecca, I now do a double-take when I see two guys kissing or making out because it is now so rare to see that. I even stop to watch briefly and appreciate them because it’s such a rare sight to see now here in The Breeder Mecca full of fleets of baby strollers. (Have these breeders never heard of birth control of any kind?) These days I expect to see breeders kissing or making out or nearly uncontrollably having sex on the sidewalk (as if they just met) in The Castro. The Castro has been ruined. The Castro today is nothing like it was when I moved here during the height of the Gay Mecca days. Get this: Can you believe that a group of Queers a year or so ago started a project to Queer The Castro? It hasn’t worked, but that’s how bad it’s gotten here with prudish and in some cases anti-Queer breeders taking over The Castro. It used to be that Queer boys and Queer couples walked by my window talking. Now it’s breeders with loud and/or screaming children walking by my window talking. And it seems to be a requirement with breeders that he has to be 3-4 feet taller than her — from my research that’s her requirement — and she has to be submissive to him as if she’s living in the Victorian era where females are supposed to be submissive and subservient to guys (in order to get his attention that needy and high-maintenance her constantly demands from him).

Upon reflection, it seems that Queers will have to have their rights eroded or removed completely to get them out of the closet again and off their electronic leashes and to return to the vigilance and activism of the decades of the former Gay and Lesbian Rights’ Movement. But from what I see of the apathetic and closeted Queer community today, I’m not holding my breathe that any of that is about to happen anytime soon. Because the attitude of most Queers today seems to be, “I’m like whatever” and “Where’s my phone?” Chau.—el barrio rosa

UPDATE: El 22 de agosto de 2014. Hola. Here’s an e-mail I received earlier this week regarding the changing Castro barrio in San Francisco:
“Just writing to support many of the things you’ve said about the Castro and how it’s quickly changing. I was gone for awhile and don’t even recognize the place. You wrote about the gay guys holding hands with a female or arm in arm trying to appear heterosexual. I’ve seen that too and am seeing more of it. The guy usually acts very fem. What exactly what the point of having the Castro, again?”—Kevin
My response: Hola Kevin y gracias. Yes, yes, yes. I’m so sick of seeing that. I saw that type of scene today outside my apartment building, unfortunately. A supposedly “straight” couple—which used to be rare to see around here—bounced by my apartment door. If I had to guess, I’d say they were two of the techies which are raving/taking over San Francisco. They had to bounce because they had the (what I call) “octopus look” where he and she are both completely and tightly wrapped all around each other and trying to walk all entangled. (Did they just meet or something?) If they didn’t need their legs for walking I guess their legs would have been wrapped around each other too. Then they came to these stairs and had to come unwrapped/unglued but proceeded in the traditional hand-in-hand position. Mi amigo was with me at the time and after they passed he said: “He looks like a Queer boy to me, what the fuck is he doing with her.” I said: My gaydar tells me he’s a Queer boy. What do you think he’s doing with her? He’s another closet case trying to pretend to be “straight” while they go into the Castro (the former gay mecca) so he can look at guys through the corner of his eye while continuing to pretend to be “straight.” Fucking closet case. That’s how I see it. I’d like to ask these gay closet cases: What was the point of the gay rights’ movement or do you know anything about that Mr Closet Case? Gracias. Chau.—el barrio rosa

UPDATE: El 30 de junio de 2014. Hola. Yesterday was (what I call) Gay Shame/Gay Discreet Sunday throughout the US/Los Estados Unidos. (Related: Change Gay Pride to Gay Discreet). It’s officially called “San Francisco Pride” here. I didn’t go because the thing has become so corporatised that it’s the equivalent of watching hours of corporate ads on television, according to someone who went and wrote me about it. I just wanted to bring this up: The person who went said that for the first time ever at this event, there were far more women there than men, which is the opposite of how “San Francisco Pride” has been for decades. What is going on? So I just thought I’d ask: Were there far more women there than men because the men have gone back in the closet and are being “discreet” and heteronormative and other such nonsense that I wrote about in this article below? When I was out in The Castro following this event, I noticed the number of females in The Castro and I asked myself: Where did all these females come from? And the reason I asked that is because The Castro has for decades been traditionally mostly muchachos/guys. I think that most of the people I saw in The Castro following this event were from the suburbs because the crowd that was in The Castro is usually not there. It was a very young crowd, which is not what I usually see in The Castro these days. It would not surprise me at all if muchachos did not go to this event because they’ve gone back in the closet. Chau.—el barrio rosa

UPDATE El 25 de marzo de 2014. Hola. Someone sent me this e-mail after reading this article and looking at ads on CL: “You’ll never believe what I saw. I was looking at ads on CL and saw this ad from this gay couple. They were looking to get together with another guy for sex at their place. They wrote that they could host and they were “very discreet.” Where do they live? In THE CASTRO of San Francisco. The former gay mecca. I wouldn’t have believed this if I hadn’t seen it. WTF do two guys have to be “very discreet” for in the Castro? Is there something in the water? I can understand being “very discreet” in maybe some redneck place, but in the Castro? It’s crazy. Without a doubt, many gay guys are going back in the closet and they call it being “discreet” and “very discreet.” Just thought I’d let you know. Thanks.”
My response: Gracias for your e-mail and I’m seeing the same thing you are. [roll eyes]. Loco. Chau.—rosa barrio

This is also related: Another store closed on Castro Street recently between 18th and 19th Street. Another store is opening about 2.5 blocks away from that store on Market. The odd thing about this is that both stores sell similar items. The new store is a “professional skin therapist” type place (Dahling) with creams, gels, goos and oozes on their shelves. It’s another international corporate chain, which Politician Cocks seems to favour. Corporate chain stores used to be very frowned upon in Alternative San Francisco, in part, so that San Francisco wouldn’t look like every place else. But not in the New Corporate San Francisco. There are those—the conservatives who are running things now—who can’t wait for this city to look like every other place. On the website for this new store I mentioned earlier, they only show pictures of females (as being interested in what they sell). Well, historically there have not been that many females in the Castro. The former gay mecca was mostly male. But with the “straight invasion” of the Castro that is changing. In my opinion, I see this new store as yet another indication/attempt of encouraging “straights” to move into the Castro because otherwise this store will end up closing like the other store of a similar type 2.5 blocks away. That’s often the way things work here, one store opens following another store having closed so they essentially cancel each other out as far as the number of stores in business versus store closings. The store that closed had a lot more “skin care” items and advertised that they’re also for Men, and that was a French-based company. This new store has much more limited-use items and I didn’t see a chico on their website. Only females. So either females/”straight couples” will start pouring into the Castro to support this store, or eventually it will go out of business like the other store did recently. The store that closed on Castro never had anybody in it. I don’t know how it stayed open as long as it did. Well, because it was a corporate chain store that’s probably why. And the rent for this new store can’t possibly be cheap. It’s in one of the new “Luxury Designer Condos” Dahling buildings. But those who want to change the Castro into a bougi (bourgeois) elite, young and white area should be pleased by this new store. It would fit into that description. In the meanwhile, San Francisco is continuing to lose its wonderful ethnic diversity that made up the Alternative San Francisco of the past.

Also, the leather store that opened not long ago at Castro/Market is closing (as I had suspected it would sometime ago). At the time they opened, I wrote about it. I wondered why they opened a leather store there. Did someone say, “The Gays are into leather so let’s open a store there and it will do really well.” Idiots. I think they’ve probably had a handful of customers the entire time they’ve been opened there. They said they were at Castro/Market but went out of their way to not use the word “gay” anywhere. Instead, they mentioned the rainbow LED light show on the building. “The Gays” of the Alternative San Francisco used to be into leather but not the type of leather this store sells. They sell bougi-type, she-she leather and not “sex leather” as I call it that used to be popular in the Castro during the Gay Mecca Days. There’s no leather in the Castro these days. One bar (The Edge) has done or is doing (I forget the date of it) a special event called, “Bring Leather Back to the Castro.” Opening this leather store may have been an attempt to brings “straights” to the Castro. There are more than ample “straights” in the Castro now, but they didn’t pour into this store, so it’s closing now. While writing this I got an e-mail from mi amiga. She wrote:

“Hola mi amor. It’s Sunday afternoon (03.30.14) and I was in the Castro in the late afternoon. Get me out of this place! Drunk straight people all over the fucking place. Market Street near Castro is nearly all straight. Drunks all over the place. People lying on the sidewalk drunk outside of one of the bars. I’ve never seen it this bad with drunken people in the Castro. I went down to 18th and Castro and it felt much better down there. Much more gay down there and less drunk. See you later.”
My response: Gracias mi amor. “Straight” people must live some pathetic lives to have to get that drunk consistently. I know you said it’s the worst you’ve seen it and I don’t doubt that, but it also sounds similar to the past that we’ve talked about: drunk “straight” people staggering, vomiting and lying on the sidewalks. How pathetic can you get!? Are these the techies getting drunk, staggering and lying on the sidewalk? I’ve read that’s what the techies do on Valencia Street. Stagger to and from bars. If one’s life is that dismal get some psychotherapy! And as much dinero/$$ as the techies have they could easily afford it, if their techie company receiving corporate welfare from San Francisco doesn’t offer it through some health plan.  Chau.—el barrio rosa


Information about the posters on this page: Gay Culture is Dead in 2014

Sexual Freedom and Revolution

San Francisco’s last gay gym fading to straight

Is it GLBTQ or LGBT?

What Happened to San Francisco? You haven’t heard?

Change Gay Pride to Gay Discreet

Why are hetero couples going to gay bars?

Gay Community being forced out of San Francisco

What’s with the “straight-acting” and “straight-appearing” in gay personals?

“Straights” come to the Castro to cheat

Condos, Condos, Condos

Addicted to thumb boxes

It’s like, i’m like, if you go lick

Do you walk your dog or your gadget?

The anti-social corporate social media networks

Do you have Pride in your HIV status?

San Francisco was an amazing place!

The Conservative Gay Heteronormative Populace

Are gays going back in the closet?

Closeted Gays moving into San Francisco’s Castro

San Francisco’s Fading Gay Mecca

Naked muchachos in San Francisco


I suggest that the “discreet, straight-acting and straight-appearing” gay guys buy one or more of the items shown on this page. It will help you overcome your problem. I realise you will likely consider the items “too gay” or “flaming.” Well that is precisely why you need to buy them. These items will help you come out of that moldy closet you’re stuck in and be free. You will no longer have to exert the energy to be “discreet.” I’m reminded that that obnoxious and supposedly gay “sports bar” that opened in San Francisco’s Castro barrio awhile back and where faux-jocks and wannabe jocks hang out has many flags on the building. But none of them are gay-related. They too are trying to be “discreet.” All the flags on the building are for corporate sports teams [roll eyes]. There’s not even a rainbow flag on the building. They do drag out a rainbow flag one day a year (on Pride Sunday) to use as bait to get suckers into the bar thinking that they are a “proud gay bar.” Yet in the description of this bar on a popular business rating site, this is the order of their keyword: “Sports Bars, American (New), Gay Bars.” Wonder why they don’t have “Gay Bars” first or at least second? Trying to be “discreet, straight-acting and straight-appearing?”

10 comments on “The “Discreet” Gay Guys

  1. FormerSanFranciscan

    Sounds like it’s all over for San Francisco from reading your site and the site of one of the few remaining activists there. This is depressing. I think many people elsewhere haven’t heard what’s happened to SF. I guess they’ll learn about it eventually. I know I won’t be back and used to love the place. Thanks for your article.

    1. el barrio rosa Post author

      “I think many people elsewhere haven’t heard what’s happened to SF.”

      Correct. Some people don’t keep up with what’s going on here. Even on some local message forums I’ve read ignorant comments (the type that one read here 10 years ago) hating on the “progressive” San Francisco Board of Supervisors as the right-wing/conservatives did 10 years ago, for example. We have eleven supervisors on the Board and only 2 could be called so-called “progressive” (whatever that word means today). All of the others are corporatists and are helping to turn the city to the right. And one of the two is at the end of his term, so that leaves one. Gracias for your comment. Chau.

  2. Brian

    I’d like to comment on this: “A Concerted Effort for a Hetero take-over of San Francisco’s Castro.” I hate straight people…well, not all straight people. Some of my co-workers are straight and I love them dearly and we hang out together and they share my feelings about the straight people I hate. I’m writing to you about the straight assholes who are taking over the Castro. What is with those bougi snots? Remember when straights were accusing gays of being in their face with our sexuality? That’s what these straights are doing. First it was under the rainbow flag [Ed. the Rainbow Flag at Castro/Market Streets] they felt compelled to put on a makeout scene show for everyone to see. Now they’ve moved it down to 18th Street so anyone waiting for the bus down there gets to see their PG-Rated makeout scenes. Some of them stand in the bus shelter inches from people waiting for the bus making out, feeling up and putting on their show. They love attention. GET A ROOM! He’s always 2 stories taller than she is and when they cross the street they have to do a little dance and swing their arms back and forth like children. I know there have always been some straight people in the Castro and that’s cool but I’ve never seen this shit before until recently. I told my straight coworkers about it and as I explained it they started frowning and their eyesbrows started moving and said they had never done that anywhere on the street and would not do that in the Castro just as they would think that many gay couples wouldn’t feel exactly comfortable heavily making out in areas not considered a gay area. Some of my straight coworkers said it sounds like possible cheating to them, which is what you wrote about. I appreciate all that you’ve written about this. Hardly anyone else is saying anything about it on websites. You’re the only one. People on the street talk about it in hushed words. Are people afraid of offending straight assholes? It makes me enjoy the Castro a lot less because I feel like I’m “somewhere else” with more and more straights. If I wanted to move “somewhere else” I would have done that years ago. Thank you for listening.

  3. Adam

    Like others here, I went to [Ed. the site I call Closet List]. Didn’t know how many fucked up gay guys there are out there. They must be the closet case gay guys I’m seeing around holding hands with a girl pretending to be straight and out the corner of their eye they’re cruising me and other dudes. That’s the same act I did in high school and college. That gets old. Got tired of it and came out.

  4. AtlantaBoy

    Hi, I’ve been checking out CL after you wrote about it. I’ve been on CL for years but not for sex ads. I couldn’t believe it…that site is full of closet cases with “discreet” (that’s the word everybody’s using) guys ashamed of being gay or ashamed of being bi. I had no idea there were that many closet cases out there. I thought most gay guys were out of the closet these days, or they were out and have gone back in. Very depressing. I’m now sorry I went on there.

  5. jorge

    june is gay pride month in the u.s. for what’s that’s worth. not much. i sense that the gay community is so over pride. now it’s more about partying than pride. i’ve been on cl too and dont see any pride there. lots of shame though with that discreet word, or are guys using it to fit in & because everybody else is using it? don’t know

  6. David

    I read your article about [site name removed, initials: CL]. I became very interested in the sex personal ads on CL after you wrote about them and for the same reasons. I wasn’t looking for sex but rather observing what gay guys are writing in their personal ads. What I came away with is that sadly today the gay community has much more in common with Anita Bryant and Phyllis Schlafly than they do with Lily Tomlin. That’s the closest analogy I’ve been able to come up with. The gay community of today has become what they used to despise, hate and rail against with their opposition. Some gay guys have become rednecks and they’re proud of that. Political correctness which used to be a main staple of the gay community is now despised in the gay community from what I’ve witnessed. They no longer care who they offend by what they say such as, “no fats, no fems, no chubs, no crazy hair colors, no body piercings, be normal and mainstream.” All of that could be written so as not to offend people in those groups. The word “normal” especially bothers me. I’ve lived in San Francisco since the mid 1970s. Rainbow flags used to be very common around here. Today, there’s virtually none other than the big flag at Castro and Market and I wonder the length of the life of that as this city continues to corporatize and divorce itself from its radical-alternative past. I suppose the city will put up their perfunctory rainbow flags on Market Street in June for so-called “pride” month and as you astutely say it should be changed to Gay Shame month judging by the number of gay guys who are going back in the closet with their “discreet,” “DL,” “straight-acting,” and “straight-appearing,” rhetoric in their sex ads. The gay community of today stands for nothing from where I sit, other than their addiction to their smartphone with their endless scrolling of sex profiles, their intoxication hobby, and of course as you say corporate sports and literal chest beating which I’ve observed on Market Street over one’s sports team winning a game. The radical/activism switch (so to speak) for the gay community turned off in my opinion the moment that we got gay marriage in California and from that point on sadly they have tried to be as much like the conservative mainstream dumbed-down herd in this country as possible. I share your opinion. I don’t recognize the pathetic gay community of today and cannot relate to them at all. I’ve never felt this way before about the gay community. Thank you for reading my comment and I wish you well.

  7. XYZ

    Hi, I left SF about 5 years ago. I worked in the Castro when I lived there and I was back there for 2 weeks in early April 2014 for a conference. I had been thinking of moving back there since I’ve missed it so up until my recent visit, which made me change my thinking. I can’t believe what’s happened to SF and the Castro. Where did all these young females come from who look like they don’t eat anything? They weren’t there when I lived there. I had been reading the BG and your site catching up on what’s happening to SF, but it’s one thing to read about it but another thing to experience it. It did not feel like home or the city I used to live in AT ALL. It’s so different now and I left feeling depressed. Just wanted to say that. Thanks for your time.

    1. el barrio rosa Post author

      Hola. What you’ve said is a common theme I’m hearing from people who used to live here and come back to visit. Most regret coming back and I can understand why. You asked about the anorexic (my word) looking young mostly-white females. Yeah, they’re all over the place aren’t they in their excessively tall heels (which surely are wonderful for the health of their feet), black tights and sheer-lingerie shirts! They look very pretentious some sashaying with their nose in the air. I think they’re the Techie Trash. Either that or just coming to The Castro as many do to get drunk (or as they would say “to party”). Alcohol/getting drunk is the main industry in The Castro today and the “straights” come in to The Castro particular on weekends (starting on about Thursdays) to get drunk and then stagger down the sidewalks. I get the impression all other bars and sections of the city are dead, except for The Castro. I still don’t know what the appeal is for “straights” to come to the former gay mecca, other than they’re not really “straight” and one local website (CL) has lots of ads about “married to a woman but want to satisfy a strong need to get together with a guy for sex.” In other words, a closet case. Lots of them around. Gracias for your comment. Chau.

  8. Adrian

    Thanks for writing about the str8 take-over of the Castro. Not many people are writing about this I think because they don’t want to say anything to offend the straights. I’m glad you’re not concerned about that. I saw that shoot but didn’t know what it was about. The gay people I hang with have noticed the change in the Castro. Pretty hard not to. Some of us are wondering where we should move since SF has gotten beyond expensive, and who wants to be in the most expensive city with straights where our gay community used to be? I’ve been reading your site for awhile and like you, I came here for the gay mecca so it breaks my heart what’s happened.

Fin. The End.