They’re all back in the closet and with females these days. Think: the 1940s and 1950s. At least that’s the way it feels, even all the ads I see on television; completely heteronormative. If anything, I think the word gay is now considered a pejorative, especially when people say, “Oh that is soooooooooo gay” and it’s meant as a put-down.

The gay guys I knew and know were never into fish. Is that why I see some gay guys (who started out doing gay porn) now in “straight” porn who never eat pussy? They can fuck it — because pussy is “just another hole” — but they refuse to eat it? They don’t like the smell or taste. Why would gay guys be doing straight porn when gay porn pays more? Oh, it’s probably all about desperately wanting to “be straight and normal.” Internalised homophobia seems to be at an epidemic level these days, stronger than it was before the Gay Rights Movement began. It feels like we’re back to where we started before the Movement began.

Even when the guy looks gay — according to the most reliable gaydar — he’s with a female pretending to be in a “straight” relationship with the two holding hands.

Where did things go wrong?

Well, I’ve already covered that umpteen times. Right after gay marriage became legal in the non-United States, things got really fucked up. Queers were told to “assimilate” the night of that ruling, which they interpreted to mean: go back in the closet so you act and look as straight as possible in order to blend in with the straights. Gay guys took on the Mr Jock Bro personality to be like straight guys, they abandoned the word gay and instead called themselves bi — even though most had/have no interest in females before the ruling — because bi means you’re closer to being straight and a “real man.” In order to “blend in with the straights” some gay guys started dating chicks and got a girlfriend or wife and went back in the closet. They start breeding to satisfy nagging mom and dad. Did they tell their parents that “gay was just a phase?” Or if he’d never come out, did he say he finally met the girl of his dreams (unspoken: as Mr Closet Case).

As it turns out, there really was no need for gay marriage after all for most Queers because they could have been breeders and in hetero relationships to begin with. I’m all for marriage equality, although I wish that Queers could have come up with something more intelligent and better than the very conservative and traditional Institution of Marriage known as wedLOCK.

Or, in other cases, a lesbian gets an interest in dick and a gay guy gets an interest in pussy and they become a straight couple to live a hetero “normal” life. There are some like that. I saw just that in the grocery store where I shop awhile back. She looked like a bull dyke and he looked like a nelly gay boy in his leather shorts, and there they were making out and rubbing up each other in the grocery store.

Most lesbians have abandoned the dyke personae in favour of the Lipstick Lesbian personae where she looks like a straight woman. Most gay guys try to emulate straight guys today.

Gay camp and drag queens are definitely “out” (outdated) these days.

Then you go on U-toob and you see one closet case after the other. The site is full of these guys. Mi amigo points them out to me nearly every day.

My former Gay Mecca neighbourhood of San Francisco today is predominately straight with an over-saturation of females with loud, crying babies and baby strollers. It’s like a fucking nursery around here. I keep asking: My would Millennials move to the most expensive City in the country to breed?

Apparently, the ultimate goal of the Gay Rights Movement was for gay guys to ultimately be in relationships with female and with kids. Translation: Back in the closet, despite all the decades of work of our Movement, which at this point in time feels like it was mostly a waste of time. Some things were accomplished and some of that has been eroded or erased and it feels like things are going backwards.

The impression we (myself and mi amigo/my friend) have these days is that nobody wants to be thought of as gay, so they say they’re bi even though they have no interest in females.

So this is what we accomplished, is it? A return to or remaining in the closet.

I have to say that when a Movement dies, it really dies. When something or someone is no longer in the public eye, it’s as if it or they never existed to begin with.

Mi amigo/My friend will often do an early morning errand into San Francisco’s Castro, our former Gay Mecca. When he returns, he’ll tell me, “I saw one Queer boy.” Only one? Or, he’ll say, “I saw no Queer boys.” This is the area of San Francisco where all we used to see were Queer boys.

The closet cases on U-toob have their left hand wedding ring on and the closeted guy makes sure he mentions “the wife and kids.” The guy’s speech, mannerism and behaviour are obviously Queer, but — like thousands of other closet cases worldwide — the guy is in that unhealthy closet with gay shame and living a lie with “the wife and kids.” But at least his parents are happy and too often closet cases feel that their own happiness should come second to the happiness of their parents. People like that need some psychotherapy.

There are about four Queer male couples that still live in our block radius, but they have the personality of hardened cementer. Not sure what that’s supposed to accomplish. I mostly ignore them these days when I see them because I’m tired of putting out the effort of being somewhat friendly only to get a snarl or unfriendly looking face back at me. Maybe they’re of the outdated thinking that saying “hi” to another Queer boy means you want to have sex with him. None of them are “my type” or that attractive really. I wouldn’t try to pick any of them up in a bar if I were in such a situation. And saying hi to anyone never meant one wanted to have sex with them. It was just being courteous and friendly. But some people are fucked up in the head and think they’re god’s gift to the world so they are snotty to other Queer boys. Why? What does that accomplish? It gives little meaning to what’s known as the Queer so-called “Community” when there’s no feel or sense of community at all now, except on very rare occasions and they are often unexpected and random occasions.

Then mi amigo was watching two videos, made by Millennial guys. Each about the guy who made the video. Both were Queer according to our reliable gaydar. Then later in the video, came mention of “my wife and kids” for both of them. Mi amigo said, “These Queer boys are something else!” I said: Yes they are. These days most of them seem to be living “the straight life” accompanied by breeding/pumping out babies to please mommy and daddy.

We’ve noticed that closet cases often go overboard on breeding. They have many kids. Why? It’s intended to prove — to stupid people — how “straight” the guy is. The more he breeds “proves” how straight he is. In reality: All it does is to prove how many child support payments he will ultimately have should he ever find the courage to come out of the closet and stop living a lie.

Gay shame seems to be particularly strong with Millennials. That’s a bit odd when you think about it because Millennials “grew up” during the height of the Gay Rights Movement. All I can think is that their parents really brainwashed them with some strong anti-Queer propaganda.

At some point in time, perhaps a Queer Movement will start up again. I would hope that any new Movement would take a different approach. More grass-roots. Fuck the corporatists as they are directly responsible for the death of our decades-long Movement. Some suggestions I give here. Chau.—el barrio rosa