It’s (now) Bad to be Gay?

There must be something in the water

El 4 de septiembre de 2014. After I wrote this article, the newest “gay sports bar” on Market Street was written about (see comments at the bottom of this article) because one of the owners of that bar just opened up a new restaurant. When they wrote about the “gay sports bar” in the article they removed the word “gay” and just called the bar a “sports bar.” Is that because that bar has sort of been taken over by “straights” or what? That reminded me of another instance of sanitising. Across the street from the obnoxious gay sports bar on Market Street in San Francisco that I just mentioned, a new bar (one can’t have too much of the drug alcohol around here!) was announced as being a gay arcade and wine bar. But oddly when the paperwork for the gay arcade and wine bar’s approval went up on the glass windows at the bar’s location it said, “arcade and wine bar.” Again, the word “gay” was missing and this is happening in The Duboce Triangle area which neighbours The Castro, but they’re mistakenly calling it The Castro. The point is this is happening in San Francisco. Unbelievable. But I’m glad to know I’m not the only person now asking, “what is happening to this City of San Francisco?” In my opinion, it’s as if this city cannot go backwards fast enough and erase its radical/liberal (in the true sense of the word) past now that the conservative city government (the San Francisco Oligarchy) has moved this city to the right politically (related: The Left has lost San Francisco)). Also, when the owners of the gay sports bar were interviewed in another article about the new restaurant the article said that the owners “identify as gay.” WTF does that mean? As opposed to “the owners are gay.” Sigh. Someone sent me a kind e-mail and you can read more about this down in the comments at this article. Finally, the consulting chef (based in California) for this new restaurant said in the article announcing the opening of the restaurant that, “I hate to call it white people Mexican food but it is. And I think the Castro needs a place like that.” The Castro needs a “white people” restaurant? Why? The Castro is an ethnically-mixed barrio. Someone is talking about a “white people restaurant” in 2014 in San Francisco? In my opinion, the ethnic make-up of The Castro is about one-third Asian, one-third white and one-third mixed ethnicities. So why would such a neighbourhood need a “white people restaurant” regardless of what food they’re serving? Many people including myself are extremely offended by the consulting chef’s comment. Chau.—el barrio rosa

El 31 de agosto de 2014. Hola, at the rate things are going I suppose this is expected considering what the GLBTQ populace have become due to their goal of assimilationist politics and policies. In their desperate desire for heterosexual acceptance (ugh), the GLBTQ populace fervently launched itself into the arms of two of the most historically repressive and conservative “institutions” we have in the US:

1. Marriage
2. Military

And consequently, dissent is now despised, hated and detested.

Look at the gay personal sex ads in Queer newspapers and magazines. The ads read: “seeking straight-looking, straight-acting, discreet, down-load, no fats, no fems.” Such heteronormative and ugly language (ugly: “no fats, no fems” part) and other nonsense have become internalised within the fucked-up-in-the-head GLBTQ populace. As another Queer blogger I know has said: It is sad what my fellow Queers have become. I agree.

Some (if not most) of the GLBTQ corporatist organi$ations with their bloated executive salarie$—who serve as hack$ and $hill$ for the right-wing (and misnamed) “Democratic” Party in the US—and who eat the upper colon of the US Oligarchy – (D) are also responsible for this.

Gay Culture is Dead in 2014 - Rainbow Flag Poster
Gay Culture is Dead in 2014
Rainbow Flag Poster

Read the text
on the right side
of the poster here

Speaking of fucked up, we are living in some weird times. After decades of the Gay Rights’ Movement—which completely died after the US Supreme Court ruling allowing some states in the US to begin issuing same-gender marriage licences—it now seems to be the thinking of a large group of mainly white gay guys in their 20s and 30s in the US that being gay is bad. Narrowing it down more, that’s especially the case between the ages of roughly 28 to 32 years old. What the fuck happened to them that they think being gay is bad? Is this part of the GLBTQ crowd that has been sucked in by the right-wing? (Gays and Lesbians: Sucked in by the Far Right. What Happened to the Wild, Free Gay Movement of the 1970s?

Gay Guys Pretending to be “Straight” WTF?

What I’m also talking about specifically are the closeted gay guys who are now pretending to be heterosexual and walking around San Francisco’s Castro of all places!…(you know the former Gay Mecca?) holding hands with a female, rubbing her butt and anything else she allows to be rubbed. Loco. As is the case (and the presumed requirement) with the typical “straight” couples we see in The Castro these days, the closeted gay guy is often 3-4 feet taller than the female. I talk about that height requirement in this article at that link.

For some time now, mi amigo and I have checked out some of these gay boy closet cases in The Castro strolling around holding hands with a female. The guy is often swishing his ass more than the female he’s with. Mi amigo and I both have extremely reliable Gaydar and we’ve concluded that the guys we’ve seen are definitely gay closet cases. Gay closet cases in The Castro? Is there something in the water? Now that’s fucking crazy/Loco. The female that the guy is with could be a lesbian. We’ve overheard some of their conversations at bus stops and on the sidewalk and most of the gay guys look and sound very effeminate when they speak, and are more feminine than the female they’re with and behaves/acts like a stereotypical gay guy. But, for some psychological reason, he’s pretending to be “straight” with her as he rubs all over her and wraps around her as they pretend to be a “straight” couple while standing around mostly Queer boys (who are not in the closet) on 18th Street near Castro in The Castro, for example.

Then there’s online. There’s a very similar crowd to this on the site I call ClosetList. It’s the same age group of mainly white guys on there. What is it with white guys in their 20s-30s these days? Nearly every guy on ClosetList describes himself as:

“discreet” (that’s the main word 99.9% of them use)

Some gay guys also say in their gay sex personal ad:
“not into the scene”

Queer Boys turning into Macho Men (Ugh)

Then there’s the obnoxious jock fad. These mostly white young gay guys who don’t call themselves gay (gay shame?) with their polished/gym-toned bodies and no social skills. If only they would “polish” the interior as much as they’ve “polished” their exteriors. Mi amigo has contacted some of these “jocks” and he said they have absolutely no social skills when he’s tried to talk with them. They can’t talk—one gets “dead air” with them—and their personal sex ads read shallow and superficial and they’re only concerned about the physical appearance. Nothing about personality.

So again, none of these gay guys use the word “gay” in their gay personal sex ads to describe themselves. I think they are ashamed to call themselves gay even though they are looking to get their dick sucked or to suck dick or to fuck a guy or get fucked by a guy. That’s what is known as gay sex, muchachos. Some of these guys call themselves “bi” and I suspect that’s because “bi” sounds more masculine to them than the word “gay.” Mi amigo and I think they most assuredly have gay shame.

So after decades of the Gay Rights’ Movement, how can people possibly still be clinging on to gay shame? Mi amigo says that from his experience with many “bi” guys, most “bi” guys are not bi and have no interest in females. They just say they’re “bi” because, again, they think that sounds more masculine and heteronormative than saying they are gay, or in other words: It’s bad to be gay is their thinking. That’s called Gay Shame.

As I said earlier, these guys are in their 20s and 30s mainly, and I’ve noticed that most of them specifically are between 28 and 32 years old. That means they were conceived between 1982 and 1986. What the fuck happened during those years or since then that would cause these guys to be so fucked up mentally regarding their gay sexuality (that they’re trying to deny it)? When did their anti-gay brainwashing occur and by whom? The US corporate media possibly?

The odd thing about this is that what I’m writing about here (closet cases in general) is happening at the same time that same-gender marriage is legal in some places and being made legal in other places in the US. Did the now-dead Gay Rights’ Movement have no effect on these guys who are today between 28 and 32 years old? Or are these guys embarrassed and ashamed by the decades-long Gay Rights’ Movement of the past?

Yes, I know I’ve talked about this before and I’m bringing this up again because mi amigo and I were in San Francisco’s Castro this past Friday night and we noticed some of this same stuff going on again. Our almost-unfailing, very reliable Gaydar told us that some of the muchachos we were seeing and pretending to be “straight” and holding a female were really gay guys. And we’re seeing more of this. He and I used to never see closeted gay guys in The Castro. If one were in The Castro, one was proudly out of the closet and not ashamed of being gay and not pretending to heterosexual and not snuggling up to a female. But today: This is what we’re seeing and it’s Loco.

A psychologist might say: “yes, they are likely gay and they’re in the closet. They came to the Castro for the guy to covertly check out guys without the female knowing that’s what he’s doing, although she may have some suspicions, unless she’s completely in denial. The female he’s holding on to is just his “cover” or “security blanket” and just along for the ride, so to speak, but she doesn’t likely know that.

Well regardless, mi amigo and I find it sad that many gay guy spend so much of their life pretending to be somebody they are not. A fraud, in other words. Although this is nothing new. I know that many “straight” guys live in the closet married to a female and they have children and then one day: “Honey, I’m gay and I’ve been gay all my life. It’s time for a divorce and for me to stop living a lie. We can split everything up.”

But after decades of the Gay Rights’ Movement, many people still can’t come out of the closet and are ashamed of their gay sexuality. That’s pathetic really. Some gay people go throughout their entire life living a lie, being a fraud and pretending to be someone they’re not because they refuse to stop living a lie and come out of that fucking closet. And we seem to be getting more of that type in The Castro these days as it become more “straight.”

Some conservatives—even some gay conservatives—round here who have said in the past that there’s no longer any need for gay meccas have said, “gay people can live anywhere now.” That’s mostly true as long as gay people live in the closet, be heteronormative and pretend to be “straight.” Their statement is wishful thinking. GLBTQ people cannot live anywhere freely and openly as Queer people, and that’s the part the conservatives omit.

At this point in time, one might have thought that society had moved past this thinking that gay is bad. Even if society had moved past that thinking (which it hasn’t), clearly many GLBTQ closet cases haven’t moved past that thinking from what I and others are seeing around San Francisco’s Castro. Chau.—el barrio rosa


What’s Wrong With Gay Dick?

Closeted Gays moving into San Francisco’s Castro

Are gays going back in the closet?

The Gay Populace: The (new) Tool of The Right

The Rainbow Flag is now “too gay?”

Gay Culture is Dead in 2014

Holding Her Hand, GF Away

Change Gay Pride to Gay Discreet

Why are hetero couples going to gay bars?

Gay Community being forced out of San Francisco

“Straights” come to the Castro to cheat

15 comments on “It’s (now) Bad to be Gay?

  1. jim

    i live in the castro but wasn’t able to get out tonight (friday). were you in the castro tonight? if you were how was it? gay, straight, mixed? i don’t like how the neighborhood’s changing. i’ve stopped going down market st towards church because it’s too straight.

    1. rosa_barrio Post author

      Hola Jim, mi amigo asked me the same question. Maybe I need to start a “How was the Castro tonight?” page. I was in The Castro for a short time and it was all right, until the end. Overall, I enjoyed myself. First, I was near the Harvey Milk Plaza. It was rather dead out for a Viernes/Friday night. The west side of Castro Street had more people on it than the east side (because of the theatre?). Mainly Queer boys around that I saw. Then I was down on 18th Street and it wasn’t that busy down there either, also with Queer boys. I was thinking to myself while there: It’s unpredictable around here especially on weekends how it will be. I felt very comfortable and enjoyed it. Then, just as I was about to leave: Ugh. Four “straights” couples with their arm-in-arm and hand-in-hand routine passed me. I said to myself: Okay, it’s time to go and you should have left slightly earlier; I’ve had enough of this. Then as I was leaving dos amigos came running over to me and we talked briefly. I asked them: why aren’t you dos muchachos doing the perfunctory holding hands and arm-in-arm routine like the “straight” couples that just marched by in lockstep? One of them said to me: Because we’re secure with ourselves and our love for each other. We don’t need to do that to demonstrate that we’re a couple and love each other, unlike these “straights” around here that look insecure with each other. Nobody around here cares that we’re a couple and the same goes for the “straights” that just passed but they seem clueless to that. We’re not insecure with each other. I said: all right, right-on. I asked them: Did you read what I wrote about that? They screamed: Yes we did and we agree with you.

      And Jim, I do understand what you mean about Market Street and the “straights.” Ugh. Yes, if I wanted to live in Marin, I’d move there. Some of these “straight” couples in The Castro look like they just met by their behaviour. Maybe they met online and this is their first date and they came to The Castro because that would be the last place they would be suspected of being if they’re cheating on someone. I’ve written about that previously. Gracias for your comment. Chau.

      1. jim

        thanks for that. i didn’t expect you to answer it. i was in the castro on saturday night and was looking in rock hard’s window. as i was walking away 3 straight couples came out of rock hard. i looked at the guys and thought why would straight couples be in a gay sex store?….if the guy isn’t gay and still in the closet? any of these women beginning to wonder about their guys?

  2. strangetimes

    based on what you’ve researched & written a lot of gay guys today do think it’s bad to be gay or have returned to that delusion that it’s bad to be gay. strange. my partner and i, we’re gay, live in sf (the haight) but often hang in the castro…. where the straight couples are coming in our gay bars. strange. are they trying to take them over? my partner and i don’t go to north beach, union street or the marina and go to a straight bar to make out and we don’t understand why lovey-dovey straight couples are coming to our gay bars in the casrto & making out with each other. strange.

  3. I'm the L in GLBTQ

    I don’t see anyone talking about this and that is that the gay community has abandoned Lesbians and anybody but white males. Just like the gay guys you talked about, the Lesbians I see are trying to look like straight models, slender and with their long blond (out of a bottle) or long brown hair. I rarely see any Lesbians with short “butch” hair cuts any more other than my few Lesbian friends.

  4. Out and Proud

    You know you’re right. I was walking on 17th Street in SF not too far from Castro on the other side of the street where a guy and a female were also walking in the opposite direction, the female was behind the guy about 10 feet. The guy looked over at me as if he was cruising, gave me a smile. The female behind him then verbally attacked him but I don’t know what she said and gave me a sneer. A few seconds later I saw him look back at me after he’d passed. It was obviously a “down-low” case if I’ve ever seen one. What you say is true. I think this guy was a closet case slowly coming out to his female and she didn’t like what she was seeing.

    1. rosa_barrio Post author

      Interesting. As I’ve asked before: How many of these supposedly “straight couples” (yeah sure they are!) that move to San Francisco and that we see coming into The Castro and Upper Market—especially on weekends/Friday-Saturday to get drunk and party—are really gay closet cases with gay shame and pretending to be “straight” with each other and going through the “I’m straight” motions and all that entails. With the closeted gay guys I wonder how many of these females are thinking to themselves: “So that’s the real reason he wanted to move to San Francisco and The Castro, and not the reason he gave me.” These supposedly “straight couples” we’re seeing are usually white and in their late 20s or early 30s (and in need of therapy from a credible GLBTQ therapist to help them come out of the closet and stop living a lie to themselves and others). Gracias. Chau.

  5. José

    Hola pink barrio. I just wanted to add that the corporate media are also responsible for this. I was watching Telemundo and they brought out Dra Polo of Caso Cerrado, and David Chocarro. It was a staged skit. Dra Polo began “sizing up” David as if she had the hots for him all of a sudden, and then they had a kiss. They were both pretending to be straight. Telemundo has done this before with her. Aren’t both of them gay? I’ve seen pictures of Dra Polo with her lesbian partner who is also the producer of her show and they have this big house together. Why does Telemundo want her to kiss a guy on television? I’ve heard that David is gay…oh I know he makes out with all of these women in the telenovelas but that’s his job and he’s getting paid to do that. Why does Telemundo do this? It would be much more rad and sensational if a woman were brought out to give Dra Polo a kiss and a guy was brought out for David to kiss, maybe his partner if he has a partner. If they’re looking for ratings at Telemundo, that would give ratings better than pretending that two gay people are straight when they’re not. The same for the many gay Latino musicians who are in the closet and say they’re into girls when they’re interviewed. They deny being gay. We all know they’re lying. You know who they are. This is just another example of that gay shame you talked about. Good article.

    1. rosa_barrio Post author

      Oh that. Hola, Fabián. This is sort of a long reply to you so maybe I’ll make this into an article at some point. When I read that, “not into the scene” stuff in gay sex personal ads I always think: What scene? There is no “scene.” I think “not into the scene” means the person is not into going to gay bars/clubs. It can also mean the person is a closet case and one of those “discreet” types (ugh) that I wrote about. From my experience the type of person that says, “not into the scene” also usually says, “I’m into men who look and act like men.” Well muchachos, in pretty much any Queer bar I’ve ever been in one will find men who “act” and look like men (Translation: masculine men). You’ll also find some effeminate guys possibly in the same bar. And effeminate is not limited to Queer boys. I’ve known some effeminate heterosexual guys. A “not into the scene” type dude would likely write this caca: “I’m looking for very discreet guys where I can go maybe meet up if there’s some eye contact or a smile.” So he wants to go back to the gay tearoom scene of the 1950s. “The scene” of today that the person claims to not be into is a much safer place to be. This “eye contact and a smile” routine can get someone in major trouble in a back alley somewhere so one has to watch where one cruises. One can cruise the wrong person who can turn out to be anti-gay. Cruising is much better done in “the scene.” Some closet cases say they’re not into the scene and “not into parades and not into Madonna concerts.” They make it sound like there are GLBTQ parades every day when in reality they are held about once a year during so-called “Pride” month (or what I now call Gay Shame/Gay Discreet month, which is more accurate considering the state of things these days). So a GLBTQ parade held once a year is still too often for a closet case. Does anyone else get the feeling that at some point in the future that the Gay Rights’ Movement will have to start all over again at the very beginning? Gracias y chau.

  6. Dan

    About that new restaurant that opened, what do you expect from white trash? Your friend told you that from what she had heard about this new “Mexican” restaurant that the owner is clueless about Mexicano culture. Your friend knows what she’s talking about. A wise woman.

    1. rosa_barrio Post author

      Hola. Yes, she is and yes she did say that. Claro que sí. I’ve noticed that many Latinos/Hispanos/Mexicanos and a few others are pissed off about this. Will the restaurant be protested at some point? There’s so much cultural insensitivity going on here (in the New San Francisco), that would not have happened in the former Alternative & Proudly Radical City of San Francisco. Someone wrote, “This is the perfect example of the hideous homogenization of San Francisco.” I agree. Gracias for your comment. Chau.

      1. rosa_barrio Post author

        An update here: the name of that restaurant has been changed due to the online protests against the original name. Of course, the conservatives/right-wing saw absolutely nothing wrong with the original name. They’re pissed that the name was changed and are screaming “political correctness,” and that “political correctness and whiny liberals are what are ruining this country.” [roll eyes] To them I say: Wipe that foam off your mouth, por favor. Chau.

    2. Karla

      I read they had the grammar wrong on one of their alcoholic drinks at that restaurant. They had “Bandido Margarita” on the menu. It’s supposed to be “Bandida Margarita”. Margarita is feminine, hence the “a” ending on “Bandida.” It’s pretty bad to get something that basic wrong.

Fin. The End.