Ashamed to be Gay
This article revisited: El 10 de junio de 2014. Hola. In these increasingly conservative days, it seems that more and more gay guys are ashamed of their sexuality. How sad. We really are heading backwards in many ways despite some advances. Mi amigo said I could have titled this article, “Ashamed to be Gay” and that might be a more accurate title. I agree. He and I have certainly noticed this increasing “Bi Fad” on the site I call ClosetList for awhile where most gay guys don’t say they’re gay but rather many if not most gay guys seemed ashamed of their sexuality by the language they use and the way they write their personal sex ads. They say they’re bi, even though most of them are likely gay based on the experience of mi amigo (see the article below). I did a search on ClosetList to see how many self-identifying bi guys there were posting under the gay “Men Seeking Men” category in the San Francisco Bay Area as opposed to self-identifying gay guys. I did my search based on the keywords in guy’s ads. Here are the results as of this writing:
Ads with the word “bi”: 977
Ads with the word “gay”: 368
Ads with the word “straight”: 520
As you can see, the word gay has the least number of ads under the gay section, Men Seeking Men. How odd. Doesn’t that strike you as a bit strange?
(What’s Wrong With Gay Dick?) That’s followed by guys claiming to be “straight” when they are really bisexual or they are gay guys (and most pretending to be bi) looking for “straight” guys. There’s this craze for sucking “straight” dick with some gay guys. (My Question: How is “straight” dick different than any other dick?) I think one of the newest and most shallow fads is to call yourself something that you’re not. Call yourself “bi.” I think more and more muchachos are using the word “bi” because everybody else is using it in their ad so follow the sheeple. Just like using the ubiquitous word “discreet,” to fit in and to appear more “straight.” Because we all know how bad and terrible it is to be gay. Gay is bad. It’s bad, it’s bad. [Full-blown sarcasm intended]. “Gay is bad” is unfortunately the impression I get from reading many if not most of those ads on ClosetList. As some states (including California) now have same-gender marriage legal how ironic that it’s now bad to be gay in so many guy’s minds. So let’s all call ourselves “bi” even though many/most of us aren’t bi. Just say we are, because a guy is closer to being “straight” if he says he’s bi, seems to be the thinking. We have some fucked up in the head closet case gay people here in San Francisco (of all places!) and the Bay Area based on these ads on ClosetList. I didn’t realise there were that many (sexually) fucked up people out there, at least here. It’s very strange. As the gay populace becomes more and more conservative, it’s back in the closet time or call yourself bi. And pretend to be a “straight” (obnoxious) jock, rather than saying gym-toned or athletic. I remember after I came out decades ago, my many amigos and I didn’t go through all of this gay shame nonsense. We had none of that. Not one of us. But today, Gay Shame/Gay Discreet is happening in the former Gay Mecca known as San Francisco and the Bay Area. This is also happening in other US cities from reading those personal ads. There has got to be something in the water. Chau.—rosa barrio
El 28 de marzo de 2014. Hola. I ran into mi amigo/my friend a couple of days ago and the timing was good because I wanted to ask him his opinion about something: Are most bi guys bi? Here’s what he told me:
He’s a Queer boy and not bi (I already knew that). But when he does non-paid phone sex on his own—he’s worked in the phone sex industry—he told me that consistently when he talks with a guy who identifies as “bi” that the guy hangs up on him whenever he (mi amigo) tries to talk about chicks or pussy. The guys who are supposedly bi that he has on the phone consistently only want to talk about sex with guys (jacking off, sucking dick and fucking). He said it’s very rare to talk with a bi guy about fucking or eating pussy because the bi guys he’s talked with show no interest in that at all on the phone and hang up on mi amigo. The call can start out initially about chicks or “banging some girl” but then quickly goes to guys and if mi amigo tries to go back to chicks and to talk about pussy, that’s when the hang up occurs and the call ends. The so-called “bi” guy hangs up. Consistently. Mi amigo says he tells phone sex guys that he’s bi but he really isn’t. He says that is not uncommon. He’s Queer and has never had sex with a female and has no interest in females. I asked him: Could you have sex with a female? He said: Oh I suppose I could but my sexual orientation is Queer so that’s where my sexual feelings are the stronger. I could choose to have sex with a female and that would fall under the less-strong/weaker “sexual preference” category, but I wouldn’t necessarily enjoy it because I’m not into females and he said, “I’m a vegetarian and I don’t eat or like fish.” He continued: I would just be going through the motions if I were to have sex with a female. Many hetero guys are thinking about guys when they’re fucking their girlfriends or wives. (That’s true.) All that makes sense to me.
He said he reads CL ads regularly and he too has seen all of the supposed “bi guys” on CL (the site I’ve written some articles about). I said, do you think most of them are bi? He said: well they’re clearly looking for guys in their ads because they are on the “men for men” category—and often the “girlfriend is away or out of town”—so some of them could be bi or they are calling themselves “bi” as code for butch, masculine and that obnoxious “straight-acting” heteronormative language that some closet-case gay guys use. I think “bi” is a fantasy for many guys who are not really bi, he said.
He continued: Years ago when I was doing phone sex I talked many times with a guy on the East Coast (of the US/los Estados Unidos/The Cesspool) who was bi and all we talked about was fucking and eating pussy. We talked many times on a phone sex line. He was a hot guy to talk with. Then years later, I had one other guy who claimed to be hetero and he was married to a female, but he was really bi (she didn’t know he’s bi) in the true sense of the word. After months of talking with him in phone sex conversations about dick and pussy we were getting too close and I had to cut it off because I sensed he was trying to become my boyfriend. But since then, whenever I’ve tried to replicate a conversation with another guy who claims to be bi, it hasn’t worked since the guy only wants to talk about dick. My new strategy is that when a guy tells me he’s bi and if I want to keep him on the phone because I like his voice and how he sounds, I make a point of not talking about pussy or chicks at all and that works well. They don’t hang up on me when I avoid talking about chicks.
So I then asked him since we were in San Francisco’s Castro: As the Castro becomes more and more “straight,” do you see GLBTQs going back in the closet in order to “fit in” and “be discreet?” (and that word “discreet” is saturated throughout CL ads). His response: I’ve noticed the hetero couples walking by us as we’ve been standing here with their in-your-face we’re straight “look” (for lack of a better word). I hope GLBTQs don’t go back in the closet but I could see that happening. I think it’s already happening. Or will gay guys start “dating girls” and fucking pussy because they think that’s the “in” thing to do now and to fit in with the herd? Will they think: Gay is out and hetero is in so let me “turn hetero” (as if that’s fucking possible!). He continued: To that I say, “Fucking idiots and fucked up in the head.” They could do that (“turn hetero” so to speak) but they would only be back to living in the closet and living a lie and pretending to be something they’re not—what exactly was the former Gay Rights Movement for and about anyway?!—since their sexual orientation is gay. They could do that, but I’m seeing the same things you’re seeing. I’m seeing a guy hooked up with a female walking down Castro hand-in-hand and he looks like a Queer boy to me. (Yes, I’ve written about that too). He continued: Like you say, it’s a weird time in the US and in San Francisco. (I say: You got that right!) He continued: What is this place turning into? He said: I call it a collapse of our society and for those paying attention there are many indicators of that happening right before us. (He’s correct). Chau.—rosa barrio
One recent indicator: