I woke up with a dick in my mouth

UPDATE TO THIS ARTICLE (El 29 de noviembre de 2016/the 29th of November 2016): It’s best to read the update to this article here: San Francisco’s Straight Mecca (November 2016). Or, if you’re just here to jack off to the pics, that’s cool. Have a good time. Chau.—el barrio rosa/pink barrio

UPDATE TO THIS ARTICLE (El 28 de julio de 2016/the 28th of July 2016): Things have really changed around here since I wrote this article. Is anyone talking about waking up with a dick in their mouth anywhere these days? I never hear that now. Not in conservative and sanitised San Francisco. This City has done a 180 with techie gentrification. This City is now a Baby Factory. This place (The Castro) has been so sanitised and stripped of what it once was with the help of the now-conservative GLBTQ community which galls me. Mi amigo/My friend changed gyms for a couple of reasons: He was going to what was known as the gay gym and he left there because of a large fee hike and because it was a very unfriendly/snooty gym and becoming more and more “straight.” And the gay guys there were trying to be more and more heteronormative and acting like tough-guy jocks. Obnoxious. His new gym has some Queer guys in it but as he tells me, “Nobody looks at anybody. They’re all phone tech zombies. And the guys I always thought were gay and came down here from the gay gym I’ve heard them talking about getting married to a female (trying to pretend to be “straight”) to fit in with the invading “straights” population. Pretty fucked up. One of the reasons for gay areas in major cities was to give gay guys a safe place where they wouldn’t need to feel like this and could be open and honest about who they are as a Queer person. But that becomes less and less the case when the area becomes more and more “straight” with some anti-gay “straights” moving in. Mi amigo is hearing more and more of that (guys he’s always thought were gay talking about marrying a female). That story has repeated itself thousands of times over generations with gay guys marrying females, squeezing out babies and then bam: “Honey, I’m gay and always have been. I’m moving in with my new boyfriend. Meet you in court over the house and kids.” Mi amigo is also seeing guys he thought were gay all these years making out with females on Market Street (and in the gym), again, trying to be all heteronormative to be like the obnoxious in-your-face him-tall/her-short, mandatory hand-holding “straights” who are taking over. As of this writing, he’s seeing less of that from the past because he thinks the gym has lost about 3/4 of their membership as people have stopped taking care of themselves and stopped going to the gym. Here in the US, “fat and lazy” is in, including here in San Francisco. The gym thing was just a long time fad here. It would appear that many gay guys are going back in the closet in San Francisco and elsewhere, running from the word “gay” and calling themselves “WM” (white male) and at some point the now-dead Gay Rights’ Movement will have to start all over again. Pathetic. Chau.—el barrio rosa

Hola. ¿Qué Tal? Have you ever woken up with a dick in your mouth? I can’t say that I have. I think it would be rather startling, don’t you? I mean you wake up—or you’re trying to—and in this fog of waking up you slowly realise that you have—what feels like—something thick and with human skin in your mouth and your tongue is having trouble moving about and you don’t want to bite down because you don’t know what’s in your mouth.

I was talking with mi amigo yesterday and over the years one of the most common things (lies?) he’s heard Queer guys say at his gym has been the proverbial, “I woke up with a dick in my mouth.” (Yeah, sure you did, muchacho).

The “dick in the mouth” story is told after Queer boys in San Francisco have been to one of their many non-stop parties (parTying is their occupation and addiction) where they get drunk and don’t remember any of it. Well what’s the point of that? But that’s what much of the gay populace has become, which is why I no longer relate to much of the so-called “gay community” at all. (Well, there’s really no “community” or “community” feel at all anymore). The so-called “gay community” has become rather pathetic. Other than parTying, getting drunk and being bent over squinting at the biggest mind controlling device there is (also known as the dumbphone/smartphone 24/7 with their intense addiction to that, they don’t seem to have much of a life at all. As another Queer blogger I know says: It’s rather pathetic what my fellow Queers have become. Yes it is.

Mi amigo has heard this “dick in the mouth” story countless times. He heard it again last weekend at his gym, which is why I’m writing about it. He told me he went into the gym and looked around and every guy he saw in there had his head down fucking with their mind-controlling device/stupidphones. Everyone of them. Clearly, they were working out their thumbs, but not much else. Then he went over to another part of the gym (a few guys were over there and not glued to their dumbphone) and he overheard this guy tell another guy that his dick was in the other guy’s mouth when he woke up and the other guy’s dick was in his mouth. Does anybody believe that? I suppose it’s possible, but really! Then the guy proceeded to tell the guy he was telling the story to/lying to about how drunk he got and they both let out this loud, obnoxious laugh as if getting drunk and waking up with a dick in your mouth—and supposedly not remembering any of it—was the funniest thing they had ever heard. Even though as I said, this “dick in the mouth” story has been repeated probably thousands of times by guys in this same gym. These are supposed adults I’m talking about, not adolescents. I thought all that bragging about getting drunk and not remembering any of it ended after the teenage years, no?

A personal note to “dick in the mouth” guys: Just like internet trolls, you need new material desperately, muchachos. That dick in the mouth story has more than run its course. It’s predictable and at this point unbelievable, because it supposedly happens too often. So let me see …Oh I know, you could say that you woke up with the other guy’s fist up your ass and your fist up his ass. How’s that? You could replace your dick in the mouth story with that story. That happens all the time too, doesn’t it?! At least that would add variety to your stale and monotonous, “I woke up with…” repertoire. So give that a try. Chau.—el barrio rosa

Related:

What’s Wrong With Gay Dick?

The Lobotomised Gay Community

The Gay Jock Fad

Smartphones

Smartphone San Francisco™

Smartphones are transforming society into a sea of stupid

10 comments on “I woke up with a dick in my mouth

  1. D8

    I don’t know how I managed to miss this article. Thought I’d pass this along to you. You spoke about that gay supervisor who’s going to the state level for his next job? You’re correct. I read that Scott Penis is in campaign mode running for the state senate. One of the pictures he’s using for his campaign literature is of a straight white couple with kids supporting him. You’d think that a gay guy would show a gay couple (with kids) wouldn’t you? No, not heteronormative Scott Penis. Someone said that it will be good to get that slimeball out of city politics and that he can’t do that much damage at the state level. We’ll see.

  2. Nate

    Interesting post. I have a question for you – From reading yours and other sites, the mayor and one of the gay supervisors (forget his name) are directly responsible for fuking up San Francisco and the Castro district. Do you agree with that? Is there anything that can be done to put a stop to it? A business acquaintance of mine was there a few months ago for a conference. He used to live there and loved it but told me that he wouldn’t want to live there now. He didn’t have time to elaborate other than to say it’s not the same city. I asked him if there was anything positive he could still say about SF from having visited and he paused a moment and said the views are still nice, if they’re not blocked by condos.’

    1. rosa_barrio Post author

      Hola Nate. You asked:

      “From reading yours and other sites, the mayor and one of the gay supervisors (forget his name) are directly responsible for fuking up San Francisco and the Castro district. Do you agree with that? Is there anything that can be done to put a stop to it?”

      Yes I agree with that. They have accomplices such as the Real Estate Industrial Complex and their Corrupt Liars™ and immense greed, and the Tech Surveillance State Industrial Complex. The city is being ruined by the Techies Class Warfare and corporate greed. And the useless and irrelevant busy-bodied merchants/neighbourhood groups are accomplices to the sanitising of The Castro, for example. The city is now owned by a billionaire techie venture capitalist and the mayor and this conservative gay supervisor both work for him. They don’t work for We The People. Nothing can be done about it, in part, because they don’t care what anyone thinks about what they’re doing. They only care about their corporate owners. That’s the way it works with corporate fascism where the corporations/corporatists own the politicians and the same corporations/corporatists make the policies – the same way it works in the US at the federal level. We have corporate fascism—the mealy mouthed people call it an Oligarchy—at all levels of government today in the US. As of this writing, no one is running against the current alcalde/mayor. That despicable piece of work self-promoting gay supervisor will continue to help ruin the city for 4 more years before he goes to his next job to help ruin things at the state and federal levels. These people are basura, as is the case with parasitic corporatist politicians. They are the scum of the Earth. Gracias for your comment. Chau.

  3. Ed in the Castro

    Hahahahaha. I hear 2 things at this gym. One is the waking up with a dick in the mouth story and the other is “I got so drunk and don’t remember any of it.” Then they go into the smallest details of what they drank, how much they drank, who hugged whom, who kissed whom, who sucked whom, who fucked whom,, etc. I think to myself for someone who can’t remember any of it you recalled every detail!!!

    The gym is not a very fun place any more. It’s very cold and impersonal and I think most of the guys who go there are Castro conservatives and are very pleased with what the Castro is today (a culture-less dead zone of zombies). I hope those who have helped to ruin it for the rest of us are now happy.

  4. Former Castro Resident

    I love the pictures on this page. Good art work.

    I lived in the Castro in the 1980s forward. I moved away about 10 years ago. I came back to visit friends over the holidays. They had told me before I arrived that they were thinking of moving away because “gentrification has ruined San Francisco” is what they said. They didn’t give me any details, they just said, “you’ll see when you get here.”

    I remember what the Castro was like when I lived there. That Castro’s gone. They’ve ruined it. They’ve ruined San Francisco too.

    In a post you wrote:

    “The merchants are deeply concerned about losing the GLBTQ identity of The Castro. ”

    My friends talked about. They say they don’t think the merchants give a fuck about the GLBTQ identity. If they did care about the gay identify they wouldn’t have tried to make the Castro like any other neighborhood the way they have. The merchants are fine with taking money from the straights who I saw coming in there and who I saw making out on Castro Street and making out in front of gay bars. I couldn’t believe it. I never saw that when I lived there. It made me irate. Do they think they’re in Pacific Heights, North Beach or the Marina?

    That’s what the gay rights movement was all about, huh? Straights taking over the gay area. I’m not coming back to San Francisco. I’d prefer to live with the fond memories I have from when I lived there because the new gentrified city of SF is not the city I lived in. There’s nothing there now but shallow empty people on their smartphones.

  5. XYZ

    Can you tell me what exactly are they trying to do to the Castro? What are they trying to make it into?

    1. rosa_barrio Post author

      Hola XYZ, the conservative elitists want The Castro to be this upscale (translation: wealthy, pretentious, “straight,” bougi, nose-in-the-air, “we only want people just like us here”) barrio. The conservative elitists are trying at every opportunity to remove any glimpse of the former Alternative and Proudly Radical city of the Gay Mecca Days. There are some who are trying to retain what remains of the former city. The merchants are deeply concerned about losing the GLBTQ identity of The Castro. Understandable, because who will want to come to a place that is a GLBTQ museum of its former self? And that’s mostly what The Castro already is. It’s been so sanitised. It’s nothing like it was when I moved here during the Gay Mecca Days. Gracias for your comment.

  6. bianca

    is this the same gay gym you wrote about where they painted over the rainbow flag colors in the gym? if so, how’d that go over? anyone protest it?

    1. rosa_barrio Post author

      Hola bianca, yes it is the same gym I wrote about here. I don’t think anyone noticed, and how would anyone notice when most are constantly on their mind-controlling stupidphone and engaged in that intense addiction. Mi amigo noticed the Rainbow Flag colours were gone immediately and told his amigos and they were surprised. Some of them may have complained but they were ignored by the gym’s management. No protests to my knowledge and frankly protests are sneered at and frowned upon in The Castro. It’s rare to see any protests of any kind in the lobotomised conservative Castro these days. If anything, I would suspect that the conservative gay residents would strongly support painting over the Rainbow Flag colours claiming that “they make the gym look too gay when we’re trying to be discreet, down low, straight-acting and straight-looking.” Gracias for your comment. Chau.

      For more perspective:

      The Gay Populace: The (new) Tool of The Right

      San Francisco was an amazing place!

      The Conservative Gay Heteronormative Populace

  7. Vance

    LOL. Hysterical.

    I think your friend goes to my gym in the Castro. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard that dick in mouth story. It’s lost its credibility.

    I don’t enjoy the gym that much now cuz no one talks to each other and some of them I’vve seen there for years and they can’t even say hello…..the same for when I see them out in the Castro. They just ignore you. The guys I consider good looking at the gym are snotty and unfriendly and on their smartphone. It’s become a pretty cold place.

Fin. The End.