The problem with gay marriage: You can’t tell who’s gay and who’s straight.

Because they wear their wedding rings on the same finger. Isn’t the point of wearing a wedding ring to show that you’re married? And same gender couples want to look like they’re married to the opposite gender? That’s the way it seems since they’re wearing their wedding rings on — what I call — the “breeder finger” (left hand fourth finger). That image has been cemented in people’s minds for decades as straight and married. So you want to be mistaken for being straight? If so, then why didn’t you marry the opposite gender with your internalised homophobia?

The guy across the street from me is married to his boyfriend of many years, but if you knew little or nothing about him, I think the average person would assume that he has a wife — who is never with him because he doesn’t have a wife — because he wears his wedding ring on his left hand fourth finger like most idiot Queers. Dumb Asses. I was disappointed to see that when I noticed it at a distance. Because gay marriage is so new historically speaking, do most people know or remember that same gender couples can even get married?

I understand that same gender couples feel that their relationship is no different than the breeders. I’ve heard that said. Well frankly I would hope it’s far better than the dysfunctional relationship of the breeders. When I hear couples screaming at each other in my neighbourhood, it’s not the same-gender couples. It’s the “him and her” couples, and in some cases the “him” is a closet case trying to live “the straight heteronormative life.”

So when I see left hand wedding rings on guys — who my gaydar tells me are gay — I have no idea what relationship he’s in. And I see this nearly every day. Doesn’t that cancel out the whole reason he’s wearing that ring to begin with, to let people know he’s married (to his boyfriend)? Now if he wants the world to think he’s straight and married to a female, then that’s a case of internalised homophobia and another head trip.

As Lily Tomlin said (and I agree with her), it’s too bad that Queers couldn’t have come up with something better than the conservative and heteronormative Institution of Marriage and wedLOCK. Because with same gender couples wearing their wedding rings on the left hand fourth finger, it looks like a case of back in the closet rather than “out and proudly married to my boyfriend.”

We Queers don’t have to be ashamed of who we are, my fellow Queers. Wasn’t our now-dead Movement called Pride?! So wear your wedding ring on the right hand or any other finger than the breeders, if one believes in that rubbish called the “Sanctity of Marriage,” which I don’t believe in. Genuine love does not come from civil or sacred dogma or documents.

As for Pride, yeah well, I don’t see any pride any more anywhere1, except that corporate charade that’s put on once a year in June (pre-COVID) to suck money out of people. Chau.—el barrio rosa

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1 What I see these days is an epidemic of closet cases no matter where I look — like in the 1950s — whether it’s in real life, or in fake porn where gay guys are pretending to be straight and fucking chicks (straight-for-pay in some cases) with the help of V*agra.