As gay meccas fade, some (many?) gays are going back in the closet.
El 12 de abril de 2014. Hola. It’s a very weird time in San Francisco. I think it’s because of what has happened to and what continues to happen to this city as it becomes turned upside down due to rampant gentrification, as well as the effects of the Tech Surveillance-State Industrial Complex, the masses intense addiction to smartphones, the Real Estate Industrial Complex and their Corrupt Liars and immense super-greed, and as well as the conservative Establishment having taken over the city.
One thing I’ve noticed from online sex ads locally on a particular site (initials: CL, which should stand for Closet List), is the number of gay guys in the closet even in San Francisco of all places. Loco./Crazy.
Which makes me ask: What then, was the ultimate goal of the Gay Rights Movement? If someone cannot come out of the closet in San Francisco, they’re not likely to come out of the closet anywhere.
As part of their closet residency, many gay guys are using these words in their sex ads:
DL (Down Low)
Translation: in the closet.
Why are these guys in the closet in San Francisco? Or are they really cheating on somebody with the “discreet” and “DL” shit?
I took a little bit of time to go through some of the major US cities to see if this closet-case residency is limited to San Francisco or whether it’s a US national thing. I learned that it’s a national phenomena, not limited to San Francisco. Gay muchachos all over across the US/los Estados Unidos/The Cesspool/The Empire are using these words such as “discreet” and “DL.” I noticed those two especially.
In New York City (the city of Stonewall), here are some of the ads from there (I’ve made slight edits for copyright reasons):
“young white-collar, straight curious dude looking to chill totally discreet and looking for someone on the dl too. i’m looking for a dude around my age in the same situation [Ed. Closet case in other words] to meet and see what happens. no bottoms! be around union sq”
“i’ve got it. you’ve got it. we should help each other take care of it. normal [Ed. NORMAL? WTF does “normal” mean?] vgl italian guy, gym 3-4x/week, fit and active, live with girlfriend so need to come to you. in search of other str8/dl guys younger than 37, similar stats, be a normal guy masc and we’ll get on fine would be cool to find a regular buddy in the area but not a requirement hit me back with stats/pics, let’s set this up asap” [Ed. Yet another closet case with a girl friend. Is this closet case—who is cheating on his girl friend—not aware that there was a time when gay people were not considered “normal” and some prejudiced people still think we’re not “normal,” so this closet case is reinforcing that negative stereotype by saying, “be a normal guy.” Idiot.]
“I’m a bi curious dude with a girlfriend looking for a secret affair with a married man (married to a woman). We become buddies, hang out, grab a beer, watch a game and have some DL fun behind closed doors. No one would ever know. 100% Discreet. I got an average body, moderately hairy, 6 in cut, good looks, real cool dude!”
Ah, ugh! These poor closet cases. At some point I guess they will say “enough of this charade and lie” and divorce or separate from the female (they were programmed to be with by family/society) and then they will fully come out of that closet and be who they are: Gay. People spend so much energy and time living in that fucking closet. Referring to that ad above, of course they’re looking to “watch a game,” as opposed to going to Central Park or Lincoln Center or other options. No, they have to play “the macho jock” routine which is currently an obsession with many shallow and fucked-up gay guys, pretending to be “straight.” Ridiculous.
So what exactly what the point of the Gay Rights Movement again? I ask that because clearly many people are still ashamed of being gay as if there is something wrong with being gay. And if one is ashamed of being gay, here’s an excellent prescription for you: Get some much-needed psychotherapy as soon as possible from a GLBTQ-friendly preferably doctorate-level therapist because you’ll need all the help you can get. And do it now!
I never heard this spoken or written by anyone, but it would appear that the ultimate goal of the Gay Rights Movement was to have the right to get married to a person of the same gender. That’s it! I believe it was Lily Tomlin who said she had hoped that the so-called “gay community” could come up with something better than emulating heterosexuals with the conservative “institute of marriage” bull shit. I agree with Lily. And as soon as the US Supreme Court ruled in favour of same-gender marriage in some places, that seemed to have been the end of the Gay Rights Movement from what I and others have observed. And since that time on, rainbow flags have disappeared (except at some gay bars), and some gay guys have gone back in the closet and others never left the closet. It’s a pretty fucked up time, in my opinion. I’m opposed to marriage, period, no matter who does it. The only benefits to marriage are the legal and financial benefits. So I do indeed understand in that context why some GLBTQs wanted the right to marry. But other than that, I have no use for it. I’m sick of gay people trying to emulate and model themselves after (fucked-up) “straight” people as if they are some utopian example of how to live.
Talking with mi amiga/my friend the other day, we were trying to figure out when the last major “straight” infiltration began in San Francisco’s Castro barrio. She said from what she could tell that it happened right after the US Supreme Court ruled in favour of same-gender marriage. And because of their ruling, the “straights” must have decided at that time that it was now “cool” and “acceptable” to go to gay areas (and former gay meccas). As she said, it seems that the “straight” sheeple needed the approval of the Supremes before they would do this. After thinking about it, that is the way it seemed at least in San Francisco. I guess if the Supremes had ruled differently the “straights” would have continued to have stayed away in larger numbers than the way they are currently pouring into the Castro, for example. And I hear the same thing is happening in West Hollywood.
San Francisco’s gay mecca is rapidly fading as I wrote about some time ago. It continues to fade to this day, especially on Market Street with the “straight invasion.” And it seems that because that is happening that some/many (it’s a sizeable number and enough for me to notice it) gay guys especially are heading back into the closet so they can pretend to be heterosexual in society while living a lie.
On CL (Closet List) website, I also saw a sex ad from a student at one of San Francisco’s universities. He said he was in the closet (in San Francisco?) and couldn’t come out because he was in several organisations on campus. Obviously he was not in either of the two GLBTQ organisations on campus. I didn’t know that any of the universities or colleges in San Francisco were anti-gay but that’s what was implied by the guy’s ad I read. And he’s just one of many examples I’ve seen.
So even as we have same-gender marriage legal in California and some other places, many gay people are going back in or staying in the closet. Not to be repetitive, but I’ll ask again: What then was the point of working for gay rights for decades or same-gender marriage if one were going to head back into that moldy closet?
I guess this would explain some of the “sights” I’ve seen in San Francisco’s Castro (the former gay mecca) over the past months where—what looks like to me—a gay guy is walking and holding hands with a female as if they are (pretending to be) a “straight” couple. [roll eyes].
The Feminist Movement is Dead
From what I see, the Feminist Movement is also dead. The Feminist Movement and the Gay Rights Movement somewhat overlapped and intertwined as there were many gay guys (for example) who were feminists. But today, I see the “straights” coming into the Castro and the female with the guy looks subservient to the guy she’s with. He’s towering over her—that seems to be a requirement so he can be the “dominant macho male”—and she’s looking up at him with this “please give me attention” look and gazing at him with limpid eyes as if he’s Daddy and she’s his little girl and she’s begging him on tip toes to reward her and rub her face, chin and body, toss her long hair back and please give her besos and do it NOW. That’s the way they look. Such attention-craved and demanding females! (jesus fucking christ, get some therapy!) But I see that male-female subservient scene that I just described routinely. It’s become predictable. The male-female couples do not behave as if they are equals to each other at all. A feminist female would not behave like this with any muchacho. She would behave as an equal to him, not as a passive second what-not or as his “little girl.” I don’t see gay couples acting like this; they act more like equals. And I used to never see this male-female scene I’m talking about. It’s new in the Castro and that’s why I’ve noticed it. So talking with mi amiga/my friend, we thought about this and asked each other: So, what else is relatively “new” in the city. Well the techies who are taking over the place. So I would presume that the very young and white “straight” couples I’m seeing who act like what I’ve just written about are The Techie Trash. They almost look cookie-cutter. They have this “look” about them. The female usually looks anorexic (tall, skinny, long blond/brown hair, doesn’t eat anything or maybe throws up what she does eat because of a possible eating disorder?) and the guy she’s with is slender and nearly always taller than she.
Are Lesbians Being Written Out of the GLBTQ Community?
In addition, one lesbian writer asks:
Are Lesbians Being Written Out of the LGBT Community?
Quoting from her article:
“The huge photo on the cover of the New Year’s edition of the Bay Times” shows men as men, men in drag and women with smiles and long hair (have you noticed the huge percentage of young females who wear their hair long now?) Not a single female butch among them. I am beginning to fear that little by little, step by step the male culture of the LGBT community is writing out those of us born with XX chromosomes.”
Here’s an e-mail I receive from mi amiga the evening of el 6 de abril de 2014: Hola, don’t know if you’re out and about in the Castro but I am and I have to tell you about this. It’s been very heterosexual around here. Feel like I’m in Marin County instead of San Francisco. Lots of hetero couples in the Castro. They came to drink and get drunk by the looks of it. But something curious happened while I was in the Castro. It was as if there was this grand announcement that everyone heard saying: “All heteros go back to where you came from (North Beach, Marina, Pacific Heights, etc).” There was no announcement of course but…all of a sudden at least where I was the Castro became very Queer like a switch had been turned on. The hetero switch had been turned off and the Queer switch had been turned on. Very few heteros around at that point. The way I see it is that the heteros come to the Castro on Sunday mornings and afternoons to get drunk and “party” then as the sun is setting they leave the Castro. Then the Queers come out at night to party. That’s the way it appeared to me.
My Personal Experience: I came out of the closet at a time when it was the very opposite of the way it is today. The Gay Rights Movement was in its early days. I and others came out and didn’t give a fuck what people thought. They will think what they want, we said. If someone had a problem with my sexuality, it’s THEIR problem. I refused to live a lie and wanted to be who I was. But today, these weak-assed gay people refuse to come out or can’t find it within their being to come out despite it being a very different time. And they still can’t come out! What weak-assed people! Yes, instead they feel they have to go through all of these charades of pretending to be heterosexual when they’re not. Living a lie is Pathetic and Dishonest with yourself and others.
The conservatives in San Francisco have long said that there’s no need for gay meccas any longer because (as they say) “gay people can live anywhere,” which is a ludicrous thing to say, but that’s typical of stupid conservatives/the right-wing. Gay people can live in the closet anywhere perhaps, but gay people cannot live openly and freely anywhere. And based on the closet-case language in San Francisco personal sex ads, hundreds of gay guys don’t feel they can live openly and freely even in San Francisco! As we’re seeing now, as gay meccas fade the closet doors are reopening. So clearly, there is indeed a need for gay meccas otherwise gay guys (especially) wouldn’t be going back in or staying in the closet, idiot conservatives.
Let me draw them a picture.
A simplified version for the brain-wave-limited conservatives:
Gay meccas = GLBTQs out of the closet
Fading or no gay meccas = GLBTQs back in the closet
Did you grasp that? I can’t make it any simpler for you, Mr/Ms Conservative.
So in other words, the gay meccas (as was intended from the beginning of gay meccas) helped protect and give a safe area and safe place to GLBTQ people to meet each other and hang out. But as gay meccas fade, GBLTQ people feel less safe and protected—as former gay meccas gradually become infiltrated by wealthy heterosexuals—so gays then go back in the closet and call themselves “straight-acting, straight-looking, discreet, DL” and all that nonsense. Clearly, there’s a need for gay meccas. And of course there are the problems with “straight” couples going to gay bars. WTF? Maybe it’s just me, but as a Queer person I’ve never had any interest in going to a “straight” bar. Or are these so-called “straight” couples who go to gay bars really not “straight” at all but rather living a lie and trying to ween their way out of their closet? Or are they coming to the Castro and going to gay bars to cheat on their partner?
I suspect Harvey Milk would be livid about now if he were to see what’s happening in San Francisco and elsewhere. He would likely first ask the Castro barrio: What the fuck have you done to the place?! It looks nothing like it did during the gay mecca days. Why did you allow yourselves to be sucked in by conservatives, the right-wing and corporatists? You are a disgrace to all that we worked for over the decades. And if Harvey were to say that, I would say: Right-on, Harvey. I agree with you. Tell it like it is!
You might be wondering: Well, how many gay people are going back in the closet? Enough for me to notice that some gay people have either gone back in the closet or have never come out of the closet. And finally, I spoke to this up above, but in my area of San Francisco during the Gay Mecca Days, Rainbow Flags flying were common to see on apartment building window sills, some homes and I’d see the Rainbow Flag on bumper stickers. Today, it’s rare to see any of that. In fact, I was disgusted to hear that management at the local gay gym recently gray-painted over the rainbow flag colours on the pillars inside (on both levels) which for decades has been unofficially known as “the gay gym” in San Francisco’s Castro barrio. Chau.—rosa barrio
———— COMMENTS ———– (manually posted from e-mails)
04.13.14 Was in the Castro this afternoon with a friend from out of town. We walked by [Ed. name of bar removed: the obnoxious gay “sports” bar] and it was packed. Extremely loud. Looked all gay inside. Walked up to Castro. About 50/50 straight and gay. Lots of drunk staggering people and saw vomit on the sidewalks. We didn’t feel like we fit in. We used to feel very much at home in the Castro (my friend moved away). My friend asked when did gay guys become such drunks & so obnoxiously loud and into sports?—Bobby
My response: Gracias for your comment. You asked: “when did gay guys become such drunks & so obnoxiously loud and into sports?” When they decided to become mainstream, corporate and sheeple and part of the latest fad (corporate sports teams/jocks/being obnoxious). I and others now avoid the Castro on weekends because of what it’s turned into—especially on Sundays—with the drug alcohol. I had recently written that from what I could tell it was mainly “straights” getting completely drunk and staggering around the place, but I guess it’s no longer limited to “straights.” Are people’s lives really that pathetic that getting drunk is their ultimate goal? and that’s enjoyment? (Seems to be) I learned pretty quickly decades ago that getting drunk doesn’t feel good afterwards. Chau.—rosa barrio
04.13.14 i didn’t know that anyone still used the word ‘normal’.
04.13.14 Hi, I’m a heterosexual woman writing about something you wrote. It’s a no-brainer to me. Why would straight people go to a gay bar? That leaves me scratching my head. There’s a reason that the gay bars exist and the straight bars exist. Duh. I’ve been to a few gay bars when I was out with gay friends for a birthday party celebration or something, but I wouldn’t make a point of going to a gay bar…Like you said you wouldn’t go to straight bars. Makes sense. Maybe heterosexuals go to gay bars for other motives.
04.13.14 on closet list (good name!) their system should automatically insert the words discreet and dl into all ads maybe the first word in the ad title. this way it would save closet guys from having to do it themselves. re the gay jock craze…..gay guys used to call themselves gym-toned, athletic or worked-out. now it’s called jock. on cl anyone calls himself a jock. saw a guy’s pic on there the other night and he called himself a jock and he had no muscles, wasn’t worked out or gym-toned and was skinny. not sure what made him a jock.
04.12.14 I don’t go out to bars like I used to cus going to some gay bars now is getting fucking strange cus you don’t know who is gay IN THE GAY BAR and who is not. Some str8 guys trying to show their manhood get pretty huffy and act like assholes when a gay guy like myself shows some interest in him or tries to pick him up. How am I supposed to know he’s not gay? What’s he doing in a gay bar if he’s not gay? Isn’t that why we had our own gay bars so we wouldn’t have to deal with this shit? I share your feelings…all of them. What I get from you is that you’re sick of it and I am too.—Miguel
04.12.14 I and a few friends have noticed all of this but thought we were the only ones to notice. I’m a longtime San Francisco resident. Lived here during the Wild Gay Mecca Time. What a time! It was a great time. Nothing like that now. Like that art poster you made with the local artist that says the Castro is a morgue of its former self. Really saddens me to think about it. I never knew that gay marriage was the ultimate goal of the gay rights movement. I thought it was about a continued vigilant struggle… but from all accounts I see the gay rights movement has expired. As soon as we got gay marriage in CA that seemed to be the end of the movement. So many other inequalities still exist for the gay community and within it. Those don’t seem to matter now. Being like heterosexuals is all that seems to matter now.