Closeted Gay Guy Seeking Wing-Woman

Hola. There was this personal ad in the men-for-women category on ClosetList (that’s my nickname for the site) in San Francisco recently. The ad has now expired but I found it interesting in a rather sad and pathetic way.

The gay guy who wrote the ad is in the closet. He was looking for a “wing-woman,” a female to serve as his “cover” should he be seen or found hanging out in a gay bar by his amigos or co-workers. He wrote that, “I’m into guys, but San Francisco is unfortunately a very small town and I’m not quite ready to come out of the closet.” Well, when will you be ready to come out, chico? Even as much as San Francisco has changed to where it’s nothing like the former Gay Mecca, if you can’t come out of the closet here there’s no hope for you. You won’t be able to come out anywhere. He wrote that if seen or found in a gay bar, that he would tell his friends or co-workers — as if he’s required to explain to them why he’s in a gay bar that they too are in — that he’s there with this “amazing lady” (pointing to his “wing-woman” sitting next to him). In other words, he would lie to his amigos and co-workers and pretend to be a breeder.

All of this energy put in to making up lies about himself. Wouldn’t it be easier to come out of the closet, chico? That only takes a few minutes. I think he’ll be surprised at how easy that is — should he ever come out — versus all the time and energy spent in making up stories and trying to keep the stories straight, dishonesty, deceit, lies and being a fraud. And it’s most difficult to place any trust in a person like that.

He’s another fucked-up Millennial (he said he’s 28 years old), and there’s no shortage of them.

There was a time — during the days of the Gay and Lesbian Rights Movement — when Queers moved to major cities where we could be anonymous to come out of the closet, not to stay in the closet, or go back in the closet. In a major city, who cares that some guy is Queer or what he does sexually? Nobody. But in these fucked-up days, even in major cities many gay guys can’t find it within their weak selves to be honest about who they are. They don’t have the strength to come out. In 2017, they are ashamed they are gay so they want a female accomplice with them so she can pretend to be “the gf” (the girlfriend) of Mr Closet Case. As I’ve written before, in Closetlist ads the “gf” is predictably always out of town and that’s because she doesn’t exist. So why isn’t this “amazing lady” who is posing as his “gf” out of town with all the other “gf’s” that are out of town in personal ads, huh? This guy’s ad was written as if he’s living in some small anti-Queer hick town with prying eyes instead of San Francisco.

I’d like to ask this guy: If a friend or co-worker came into the same gay bar he’s in, wouldn’t that clue him in that they are gay too? So then what’s the problem with him being there? Why any need for an explanation? What are they doing there if they are not gay too since there is no shortage of straight bars around? Would he grill them on why they are there? Breeders don’t usually make a point of going to gay bars unless they are closet cases themselves.

This guy is so obsessed with what people think, which is one sign of immaturity. One cannot control what people think; people will think what they want. His ad implied that this “amazing lady,” (that he was looking for) brought him to this gay bar and that’s why he’s there. But why is she there and not in a straight bar? Or is she a lesbian, or bisexual? If she’s a lesbian, what is he doing with her? What is she doing with breeder him as his alleged “gf” in a gay bar? Why aren’t they in a straight bar where most straight couples go? Do people not think their lies out carefully? Lying and dishonesty take a lot of work. Or is she really a “fag hag” to a closeted gay boy? Or is this more of that straight people invading/going to gay bars just like they’re invading former gay neighourhoods and giving performances in straight exhibitionism?

Apparently Mr Closeted Millennial thought of none of this when he wrote his gay shame ad and the possible questions that his amigos and co-workers could have based on the message of his ad, which was: “I’m straight and in this gay bar with this ‘amazing (straight) lady’ and I want everyone to believe that.”

The bottom line: El chico and others just like him need some psychotherapy from a credible Queer/GTBQL psychotherapist to deal with his gay shame issues so he and others just like him can feel free to go openly and unashamedly wherever they want to go. Maybe his job will pay for his therapy, no?

There’s only one answer to why you’re in a gay bar. Chau.—el barrio rosa


With Bi and Str8 guys the GF is always out of town

Holding Her Hand, GF Away

“Straights” come to the Castro to cheat

4 comments on “Closeted Gay Guy Seeking Wing-Woman

  1. District Resident

    Sometimes these days feel more like 1977 than 2017 by the way some gay guys are acting. I’m really tired of closet cases so my reaction is the same as yours. I don’t really have anything to add.

    OT: Been meaning to ask you, if you don’t mind, are you a first draft writer like some people are? What I mean by that is do you write your articles all in one sitting, or do you write them over days or weeks? I’ve been curious. They’re well written and much better than on some corp. sites I visit where there are obvious spelling and grammar mistakes in them. Thanks.

    1. el barrio rosa Post author

      Hola District Resident: No, I’m not a first draft writer at all. Just the opposite. My articles are written over days or weeks. Depending upon how much time I have and what I feel like doing on it. Gracias for your kind words. Chau.

  2. E in Sunnyvale

    Referring to your quote: I’d like to ask this guy: If a friend or co-worker came into the same gay bar he’s in, wouldn’t that clue him in that they are gay too? So then what’s the problem with him being there?

    I lived for many years near the Chicago area. There’s a nice area on the north side of Chicago (the “North Clark St.” area, aka: “Boys’ Town”) – it’s basically Chicago’s equivalent to what the Castro used to be. It was a great place to hang out on a weekend – not too expensive restaurants, great bars and clubs, and a real sense of freedom to just “be”. Well, before I moved back to california in 2006, I used to frequent that area of Chicago. I wasn’t out as trans at the time, so going there gave me that sense of anonymity and freedom to explore that I so desperately needed.

    So one night, I was at a club there, dressed the same as any other 30-ish woman would be, up walks this guy I knew from my previous job. My gaydar (quite reliable too) had told me he was gay back when I knew him at work, and sure enough . . . Well, I have to say I felt a little bit of apprehension at first – mainly because I just wasn’t used to this whole thing yet. But I’m happy to say that faded very quickly. We ended up bad-mouthing our old job for a few minutes, talked about other stuff, and then set about having a darn good time.

    I guess maybe that early feeling of apprehension about being myself while running into someone I knew is a perfectly normal response in a society where we are constantly attacked for simply existing. But if anything, in this day and age, we need to be OUT more than ever. It’s a shame that the opposite has happened.

    Love ya’s

  3. D8

    Sad. Sounds familiar. Reminds me of a former acquaintance I’vve told you about….but in his case he came out over 20 years ago and recently went back in the closet…..telling people about his (non-existent) gf.

Fin. The End.