“Gay Pride” and getting ready for the lady

Hola a todos. I swear, I suppose I shouldn’t even be writing about this but sometimes when I’m shaking my head in disgust I feel the need to write. And that’s what mi diario/my diary (pink barrio) is here for: A place for me to write about what I wouldn’t be allowed to say anywhere else (and what my commenters wouldn’t likely be allowed to say in their comments).

Mi amigo/My friend went to his gym yesterday morning. His gym is near The Castro (the former Gay Mecca in San Francisco; now a Breeder Mecca). He said the gym was mostly dead except for straights/breeders, hard-ass obnoxious jock-bro types (ugh). Well, he said the Black guy that I wrote about during Gay Freedom Day Weekend was there. That’s the guy that’s lived here for years and every year en junio/in June he goes around asking every gay guy he sees: “Are you ready for Pride?” He’s the same guy — you may remember — that went into the locker room of the gym and began small talk with a gay guy. After they talked a bit, the gay guy asked the Black guy, “I couldn’t interest you in dating me, could I?” The Black guy said to him, “Well I have a lady at home.” The gay guy said, “That’s all I needed to hear.” That was the end of that. Fin./The End. The gay guy quickly got dressed and left, and may have been thinking WTF has happened to my gaydar? Or are we dealing with yet another fucked-up partial closet case here? There are so many of them now. What are we dealing with here? According to mi amigo, this Black guy goes on and on about “gay pride” and going to gay events while bragging “I’ve got a lady at home.” Oxymoron Alert.

Well, then a week or so later, mi amigo said this Black guy tried to hit on him at the gym even though the gym was mostly full of females that day. This guy didn’t try to talk with any of the females or even look at them or show any interest in them. He was only interested in one particular guy: mi amigo. Mi amigo told me that he had remembered the conversation between this Black guy and the gay guy in the locker room so he was polite to the guy but showed no interest in him, and the Black guy finally walked away.

Then yesterday, this same Black guy only talked to the guys at the gym and once again he only talked about “Gay Pride” incessantly and how he had to “get ready for Gay Pride.” But “Gay Pride”/Pride Inc. — which should be called Gay Freedom Day — was the end of junio/June in San Francisco, and this is the middle of julio/July. So what “Gay Pride” is he getting ready for? An event in another city? Despite his constant talk about “Gay Pride,” one of the other breeder guys asked him yesterday how he was doing. He said, “I’m just here working out getting ready for the lady.” (Oh here we go with her again.) The other guy said, “Yeah I know what you mean, they do expect us guys to be in perfect shape for them while they sit on the couch doing nothing.” (Sounds like their breeder relationships are working out splendidly, doesn’t it? No issues of resentment).

I’m just wondering if you are as confused as we are?

Why is a guy with “a lady at home” that he continues to talk about and flaunt at the gym, going on and on about “Gay Pride” and how he has to “get ready for Gay Pride?” He also talks about going to gay events when he has no sexual interest in guys apparently? WTF?

Then there was this: The breeder guy who asked the Black guy how he was doing told him that he and his wife are going to Deutschland/Germany for “Gay Pride” there and how so excited they are.

Well, if the “Gay Pride” in Deutschland is anything like the mobile corporate commercial in San Francisco which many of us avoid — where they have sanitised it, and even removed the words Gay or Queer entirely from the name of the event — there’s nothing to get excited about. The event in San Francisco is now called “SF Pride,” which implies it is a celebration about having pride in the City and having pride about being a San Franciscan.

So again: Breeders/Straights are now “so excited” about going to “Gay Pride” in the Bundesrepublik Deutschland/Federal Republic of Germany? Loco./Crazy. Or is this just another opportunity to party? (A rather expensive opportunity at that!)

Sometime ago I wrote that breeders have hijacked “Gay Pride,” so maybe this is a perfect example of that.

Mi amigo told me that this Black guy acts very heteronormative. He tries to act straight. Although the Black guy did hit on mi amigo, but who knows where that would have led if mi amigo had showed interest in him. If mi amigo had said, “Would you like to get together sometime?” would the Black guy have dragged out the “I have a lady at home” line/excuse to avoid having to hook up with him?

I would be very tempted to calmly confront this Black guy about what he’s up to by saying: Yeah I heard you tell someone else in the locker room that you have “a lady at home” after he asked you if you would be interested in dating him. You talk about her a lot here at the gym. Is that a type of sexual turn-on or head trip for you to talk like a breeder/straight guy about having “a lady at home” in front of the few gay guys who are still here? Or are you a “prick tease?” And you talk about her (this “lady at home”) as if you have a monogamous relationship with her, assuming she even exists in the first place! LOL. So what’s up with your hitting on the small number of gay guys in here out of one side of your mouth while you’re constantly talking about having “a lady at home?” Then, out of the other side of your mouth you talk all about “Gay Pride” and how you go to this gay event and that gay event? Do you not see a contradiction? Because I certainly do. I’ve never known any straight/breeder people who are obsessed with “Gay Pride” and gay events and go way out of their way to take part in gay events, to the point that that’s all they talk about. And I don’t hear any of the obnoxious, grunting straight jock bros in here talking nonstop about “Gay Pride” and going to gay events. So my question is: Are you Queer but half-way in the closet — although closet cases avoid talking about “Gay Pride” — or are you a breeder with a monogamous relationship with a female (again, assuming there is a “lady at home” to begin with, or is that a lie and just part of your act?), or are you bi, sort of? Or, are you just bullshitting and use the “I’ve got a lady at home” line as an excuse of getting out of hooking up with a gay guy you’re not interested in because it’s easier to tell him “I’ve got a lady at home” than to say anything else as a response, such as “I’m not interested, you’re not my type.” So what’s your story? I’m just curious. What game or head trip are you playing here? Damn odd.

Someone may say, “maybe the Black guy is bi.” Or trying to give that impression? Well again, assuming he’s not lying about having “a lady at home,” from my years of experience, many (if not most) bi guys these days distance themselves from “Gay Pride.” That’s not something they even talk about. They want nothing to do with it because they think “Gay Pride” is “too gay” for their macho corporate sports jock bi guy personae who now claims to fucks pussy which now makes him a “real man” in his redneck mind. And wearing a baseball cap automatically makes him a jock. I’m specifically thinking of the gay jock bros I’m quite familiar with who claim/pretend to be bi — but they’re not interested in sex with gay guys nor are they interested in females — and who are constantly going on about how “discreet” and “down low” (translation: closeted) they are. (Related: The gay Jock Bros who reject gay guys and Are most bi guys bi?) I’m also thinking of the obnoxious supposedly gay — but often filled with obnoxious breeders — sports bar on Market Street near Castro that refuses to fly a Rainbow Flag except on “SF Pride” Sunday (to exploit the day for their financial interests) because any other time a Rainbow Flag is “too gay” for a (gay?) jock sports bar. And their Rainbow Flags (which always look new because they’re only flown 1 day a year) go back in the closet for 364 more days along with the guy who owns the bar. The half-way closeted heteronormative conservative and corporatist owner of that bar said when asked in a published interview, “I identify as gay” (roll eyes) which implies one can choose one’s sexuality. El pendejo couldn’t just say, “I’m gay.” Clearly he has some issues with his sexuality.

Mi amigo also heard someone at the gym say that the “Gay Pride” event in San Francisco is too political and has too many factions in it.

Also, when the gay guy asked to date this Black guy at the gym, the Black guy dragged out the perfunctory, “I’ve got a lady at home” excuse which implies he’s straight (or he’s playing that role at the gym) rather than saying, “Well I appreciate it, but I’m really too busy to date anyone right now and I don’t like to lead people on” or something to that effect.

During the now-dead Gay and Lesbian Rights Movement, I never heard or knew any breeders constantly talk about going to “Gay Pride” — or Gay Freedom Day as it was more accurately called then — or going to any gay events or wrapping themselves in Rainbow Flags.

Mi amigo and I are wondering if this is part of the new insanity that one should expect where breeders have hijacked “Gay Pride” (as just another opportunity to party) as I have said they have done? Along with their hijacking the Rainbow Flag? In San Francisco, breeders love to make out under Rainbow Flags to show that they’re “marking their (new) territory.”

Meanwhile, now-closeted gay guys work-out at the gym alongside the tough-guy straight jock bros both talking about “my girl,” and “we’re trying to get pregnant.” Then there’s that’s one fucked-up guy going on constantly about “Gay Pride” and “my lady at home.” Sigh.

For San Francisco/Bay Area locals:

On another topic: Mi amigo told me that Harvest Market on Market Street near Castro has now closed, adding to the long list of already closed stores in The Castro. Not surprising though. I’m surprised they stayed open as long as they did. When I went by there a few days ago I thought to myself: How much longer will they be open? There was never anyone in there in recent years.

Harvest was an icon/fixture of the Old City. It was quite a part of the community and a nice hangout place for eating vegetarian/vegan food for the Queer Community of that day. The Castro store was open for almost 30 years (I think they opened in the early 1990s). In those days, it was a very busy store with good cooking aromas coming out of the store from the small make-shift kitchen over on the left side of the store across from the cashier counter. Their cooks did a good job especially with the small amount of space they had to work with making many dishes for the salad bar (sold by the pound). I talked with the cooks on occasion asking about a certain spice in some of the dishes and they were very friendly to talk with. Harvest had benches for customers to sit and eat in front of the store and to people-watch. In the early days of Harvest the owner brought in a computer table (with the internet) which was a new thing in those days and customers were allowed 5 minutes per customer for free time on the computer to check e-mail and surf the net. That became a part of the community at that time, and that free computer access was unique to Harvest. They got rid of that some years ago. Also during those days, Tower Records was right across the street with their huge inventory of all genres of music. Tower was another part of the community that’s now gone. As I said earlier, Harvest had its vegetarian/vegan deli salad bar which was quite good with quite a variety, although I often wondered how sanitary it was because of the handles of spoons touched by customer-after-customer hanging over into the food in adjacent dishes. I knew the owner to some degree; he was one of the cashiers and talked with the customers. In my opinion, he partially killed his own business at the Castro store because he moved the kitchen to his other store so there were no longer any wonderful cooking aromas coming from the store out onto the sidewalk enticing people to come in. He also started carrying non-organic produce and brought in some meats — since just like going to the gym — being a vegetarian/vegan seemed to have merely been a long-term fad for many vegetarians or vegans.Footnote 3 Also, The Castro conservative merchants and homeowners had decided to sanitise The Castro to make it “breeder family-friendly” for the conservative breeders and their fleets of baby strollers. Some of the dominant merchants were saying “there’s no longer a need for gay meccas because gay people can live anywhere” (as reported hate crimes against Queers/GTQBLs continue to rise). For various reasons, Queers in The Castro began leaving or were forced out as the obnoxious breeders began taking over, and Harvest began losing business since their original customer base was being decimated. For years, I’ve rarely seen anyone in the store when I walked by. Today, Harvest is yet another papered up store front; a common sight in today’s vibrant — the hyped word used by the Real Estate Industrial Complex commonly and erroneously used to describe the — dying Castro. Chau.—el barrio rosa

Footnote 1 I remember being in Harvest one evening around the time that the store began changing, and this empty-headed female customer was at the cashier’s area. She was seemingly clueless on the concept of being a vegetarian and told the owner: “Thank you for bringing in meat. I used to be a vegetarian but now I eat meat.” She smiled and gushed to him half-way laughing, “It’s bad! It’s bad!” (meaning her new addiction to eating dead animals). I stood there observing this spectacle thinking to myself: Another fucking stupid sheeple. Well, it’s your health, bitch. Apparently, she was one of the former vegetarians for which being a vegetarian (or vegan) is merely a short or longterm fad because she thought it was “cool” or “hip” at the time and did so to “fit in.” I can’t stand shallow and superficial people.


“Queering The Castro”

Are there no openly gay people in San Francisco anymore?

The Closeted Queer Community (2017)

San Francisco’s Straight Mecca (November 2016)