Going Backwards: More Gay Guys Getting Married To Females

I’m reading and hearing these words more and more these days: The world has gone insane. This article relates to that.

Hola a todos. I thought that the reason for fighting for, working for, struggling for same-gender marriage/gay marriage over the years was to give gay guys (for example) the freedom and opportunity to marriage a very special guy in their life, no?

I didn’t know that after spending all this time working for same-gender marriage to become legal in The Cesspool/the US that after that’s achieved gay guys would instead choose to marry females as “cover.” Loco./Crazy. Same-gender marriage was made legal here in The Cesspool/US awhile back because of the ruling from the US Supreme Court. And now that gay guys (for example) have the right to marry other guys, there are some (how many?) gay guys who are marrying females, as “cover” so they can pretend to be “straight.” Loco.

When I moved to San Francisco in the late 1970s, if someone had said to me:

“Don’t get too comfortable. Prepare yourself. Because decades from now gay guys here in The Castro will be talking about marrying females. At that time in future decades, ‘straights’ will be invading and taking over The Castro because of (techie) gentrification. Why? Because they can and because they’re never satisfied. They want it all! They want to ‘own’ The Castro too. And the conservatives around here (including GLBTQ conservatives) will gladly help the “straights” with their “takeover” goal by sanitising The Castro and making it look like any other place, minus some Rainbow flags. In future decades from now, gay guys marrying females will be the latest stupid conformist fad for insecure gay guys who don’t know who the fuck they are as people so as to conform/”fit in” with the “straights” as the “straights” take over The Castro barrio/neighbourhood. It will be no different than when GLBTQs move into a predominately “straight” area. They (will) go back in or stay in the closet and act all “discreet” and “down-low.” Also, around that same time in future decades, delusional/wishful-thinking corporatist GLBTQs will be standing before microphones telling us all that “gay is now mainstream” and that “gay people can live anywhere” so there’s no longer a need for gay meccas, gay areas of cities or the pejorative term they will use: “gay ghettos.” A place is called a “ghetto” with million dollar plus homes and bougi-status-symbol vehicles? Not long after that, there will this anti-gay mass shooting/tragedy killing 49 people in a gay bar in Orlando Florida. Then you’ll read this headline: “Transgender high school Students forced to wear arm bands” so that the school can “more easily monitor and enforce [their] bathroom usage.” Fucking insanity. Then there will be this from Pennsylvania: “A Same-Sex Couple Faces Anti-Gay Vandalism as They Fight ‘Devastating’ Lawsuit from Neighbors,” and many other anti-GLBTQ stories. And this: Lesbian Caterer Stabbed To Death After Wedding.

If someone had told me all of that decades ago I would have said to them: You’re fucking loco. But the scenario of the previous paragraph is what’s happening today in San Francisco, and I have no doubt the same thing is going on in other major cities.

Nearly every time mi amigo/my friend goes to his gym in what has come to be known as “Straightsville” (Market Street because Church and Castro Streets in San Francisco) mi amigo sees some gay guy that he’s seen for years — usually from his former gay gym down the street — making out with a female in the gym or on a street corner of the Market Street sidewalk, or walking down the sidewalk in the required hand-in-hand routine. (I saw an example of that the other day.) And/or mi amigo hears conversations between two gay guys that he’s seen for years (again from the gay gym) talking about, “I’m getting married to my girl” or one of them talking about “my wife.” WTF? And mi amigo senses the guy is talking about a female when referring to “my wife.” One of my commenters recently mentioned a similar conversation he heard recently at his gym between two guys he had always thought were gay. One guy already has a wife and the other is getting married to a female. That’s very similar to what mi amigo has heard.

What the fuck is going on? What’s going on is that some/many? gay guys are going back in the closet unfortunately. It’s the same thing that often happens in small towns. Do I need to explain that to anyone? I don’t really feel like it. As the obnoxious in-your-face “straights” continue to take over what little remains of our fading Gay Mecca here in San Francisco, I think many gay guys are feeling peer pressure to conform and pretend they’re not gay just as they would in a traditionally “straight” area. Historically, gay areas in major cities were created to give GLBTQs a place to feel safe, comfortable, meet other GLBTQs without having to guess if the person is gay or not — if the person is in a gay area there’s a very high chance they’re gay or that’s the way it used to be — and to be themselves. But today, some gay guys are now getting married to a female (or have already done so) so they too can make out with a female on the sidewalk to be just like the obnoxious in-your-face-with-their-sexuality “straights.” This is what closet-case gay guys have done for generations. Then many usually end up cheating on their wife and sometime later saying: “Honey, we have to talk. I’m gay and have been gay since I was born. Sorry I deceived you. I’ll meet you in court regarding the kids and the house.” The irony here is that this insanity is happening after gay marriage became legal in all 50 states.

As some of us see it, it’s as if gay marriage has backfired and closet-cases with their gay shame can’t deal with it, so they’re getting hooked up with females trying to pretend to be “straight.” And that’s one of the problems with “straights” taking over gay areas. There are many insecure gay guys out there who live with gay shame and self-hate, and when they see these obnoxious “straight” him-tall/her-short couples sucking face in front of us and constantly holding hands and nearly fucking on the sidewalk — the way they do ONLY around The Castro and no where else — apparently these insecure gay guys see the “straight” guy as “a real man” to be emulated because he’s with a female, and these insecure gay guys want to be like “Mr Straight Jock” (who calls himself a “jock” just because he wears a baseball cap and talks about corporate sports). Reading men-for-men sex personal ads, some of these gay guys are obsessed over wanting to suck “straight dick.” So they go through these charades and try to “act” all heteronormative. They’re going back to the 1950s as I’ve written about before. And like other closet cases, some become anti-gay as a “front” and “cover” to hide their gay sexual orientation. Nothing new there.

These insecure gay guys need intense psychotherapy (preferably psycho-dynamic based) but likely will never pursue any therapy so they will live a lie (pretending to be “straight”) and often hurt many people in the process, especially the woman they get married to when she finds out he’s gay and has been deceiving her all this time and in some cases cheating on her by having “discreet” and “down low” sex with guys somewhere.

Mi amigo said to me: This will sound extreme, but it’s as if The Gay Mecca, The Castro, was a myth. Because I’m seeing so many guys that I’ve seen over the years with guys now with females. They’ve been hanging out with guys and making out with guys all these years. Now, they’re with females because they think that being “straight” is the “in/cool” thing/fad to do as “straights” take over The Castro and they apparently think that being gay is now out (of style). So they get married to or talk about getting married to females. Sigh. Ugh. Fucked up people.

Why do I say: Fucked up people? Well, because human sexuality does not change this drastically. You don’t have people in mass numbers changing from one sexual orientation to another. That doesn’t happen and any credible psychotherapist will confirm that. Such as the majority of gay guys in the personal sex ads I’ve read calling themselves “bi” because they’re ashamed of being identified as gay. I concluded from that that “bi” is the new term for masculine.

Human sexuality does not change this drastically? It does in this insane world, or that’s the false impression one gets as gay guys around here are pretending to be “straight” and have misinterpreted that order given for “assimilation” and they have major sexual orientation identity issues. Most parts of San Francisco have traditionally been “straight” for decades, such the Marina district. Why didn’t these insecure closet case gay guys move to the Marina years ago? They could have pretended to be “straight” then. They could have married a female then and been conformist hetero and heteronormative then and lived a lie. Or didn’t they do that because “gay was in” in San Francisco at that time (in their conformist mind) and now that “straight is in” (or that’s what they perceive to be the case in their conformist mind), that’s the reason for their current dishonest behaviour where they are living a lie and pretending to be a person that they’re not? Why did it take “straights” invading The Castro for these gay guys to go back in the closet? I guess I’ve already answered that.

It does disgust me to see GLBTQs going backwards and despite a little bit of progress that has been made, the GLBTQ community is going backwards and I sense that most GLBTQs don’t give a fuck about anything anymore other than their phone toys, partying (their meth addiction), being on PrEP, being as much like the obnoxious “straights” as possible, being corporate sports team fans just like the “straights,” sitting in sports bars just like the “straights,” and being Pokémon Go zombies, just like the “straights.”

You’ve gotta to be like the “straights!” [*roll eyes* – sarcasm intended]

It is very ironic that in a short time — in the big scheme of things — after GLBTQs got the right to marry each other — that some (many?) have fucking flipped-out and decided to marry the opposite gender because, “Hey, it’s the latest conformist fad” (just like wearing Black and Gray). The unspoken part about this is: In many gay guy’s minds it’s still bad to be gay and it always will be. That seems to their thinking.


Related to that last paragraph up above: I read people’s bios from time-to-time, especially that of musicians. And I often notice the supposed “straight” guys who go out of their way to let everyone know that they’re “straight” and not gay. At the end of someone’s bio it often reads, “He lives with his wife and two sons.” Well, his picture is there and he looks like a possible Queer boy to me. So why is it necessary for him to shove his supposed “straight” sexuality in our faces by telling us about “the wife and kids?” Or is he doing that so that we won’t think he’s gay and he thinks that by having “the wife” — that’s how they usually coldly refer to her as opposed to more affectionately as “my wife” — and two kids that this means he can’t possibly be gay? Yeah right! It doesn’t mean that at all. As I’ve said before, having a wife and children does not at all mean that one is not gay. By comparison, it’s most rare that I read a gay guy saying in his bio the same thing such as, “He lives with his partner, Joshua, and their two sons.” Frankly, I wish I did read that more often to balance things out a bit because I’m rather sick of reading the perfunctory heteronormative script — from a possible closet case lying about his sexual orientation — found in bios. Chau.—el barrio rosa


“Proud To Be Going Straight.” At Gay Pride?

Why have “Pride” when the majority of GLBTQs aren’t Proud?

The Illusion That Gay People Can Live Anywhere

“Gay People Can Live Anywhere?”

Can gay people live anywhere? Oh absolutely. Here’s confirmation of that: Florida school principal posts gay people must ‘be put to death’ in wake of Orlando shooting

10 comments on “Going Backwards: More Gay Guys Getting Married To Females

  1. I'm the L in GLBTQ (Castro resident)

    Your contniuing theme of “gay people can live anywhere and gay is mainstream”

    Hundreds in London ‘kissathon’ for Sainsbury’s complaint gay couple
    “About 200 people carrying rainbow flags descended on an east London supermarket for a mass “kissathon” after a gay couple were ejected for holding hands. Thomas Rees, 32, and Joshua Bradwell, 25, were in Sainsbury’s on Hackney Road when a guard told them a woman had complained about their behaviour. Mr Rees said he had been holding Mr Bradwell’s hand and may have put an arm around his partner’s waist as they were buying food on Monday evening. But after they paid, a security guard beckoned them outside to tell them about the complaint.”

    ALso want to say I like E in Sunnyvale’s suggestion for a “kiss-in” in the straight areas of SF. If such a protest were to take place we’d have to invite some GLBTQ folk from Oakland where the old city moved to to come over to join us to get enough people. They’re more activist oriented in London than today’s dead SF. I can’t see what they did in London as a protest happening here. Sadly I don’t see much energy here any more for that. SF is no longer an activist city the way we used to be.

  2. San Francisco Resident

    Hola – not a complaint but you’ve written no music articles lately…planning to write more? I enjoy those the most along with the GLBTQ articles.

    1. rosa_barrio Post author

      Hola San Francisco Resident: Oh yes, there will be more. I’ll be posting one shortly. Readers like the music articles. They get the most hits along with the GLBTQ articles. Gracias. Chau.

  3. strangetimes

    i support marriage equality, however it almost seems that the gay community was better off before achieving marriage equality. since then things have really gotten weird.


    1. E in Sunnyvale

      Meanwhile, the SJPD are staking out bathrooms in parks trying to bust guys cruising there, according to an article in a local paper about 2 weeks ago. Yep, the 50’s are back.

    1. D8

      Yes it is and I live here. I’ve seen this city go from alternative and Bohemian to absolute proudly conformist.

  4. Ed in the Castro

    Agree w/ castro local. The arcade beer bar that started out bragging about being a gay bar but then back tracked from that has taken down their two rainbow flags from out front and replaced them with California state flags.

    1. E in Sunnyvale

      Being trans, it’s been a battle all along for me to just basically “fit in”, but as I’ve got older, and people have gone collectively insane, I no longer want to “fit”. You know, it really *could* be quite liberating to not worry about fitting in . . . but in our conformist society, it’s become suicidal to appear outside the norm. I wish I could elaborate on that thought right now, but – I’m just so sick of it, I can’t.

  5. castro local

    i’m seeing the same thing. maybe i’m old school but these days i can’t tell who’s straight and who’s gay so as a gay guy i have to be careful who i look at. in the last year i’ve gotten some dirty anti-gay looks in my own neighborhood. straight guys are trying to look more like gay guys and gay guys are trying to look more like straight guys. it *is* fucked up. also depends upon when i’m around. sometimes the guys around here looks very conservative. then their women are wearing that lingerie slut shit with black spiked heels.

Fin. The End.