Hola. ¿Qué tal? Below is a comment left on this article, but I decided to make it a post. Here’s what she wrote:
“I’m glad you have the spine to write about why many of us gays and lesbians resent straights coming into our gay areas. Most people wouldn’t have the courage to write that because they wouldn’t want to offend the straights, but sincerely I don’t care whether they are offended or not. I went to the gym this past Sunday. I go to the gay gym in the Castro that you’ve written about. You would have been turned off by what I saw. Two straight couples came to our gay gym while I was working out. Thank goodness one of them left but the other stayed (a young white couple in their early 20s). What got me was that the female of that couple had to hold the hand of the dude she was with to walk from one piece of workout equipment to another during her workout. I’ve never seen that before in our gym. During my workout I watched them and was getting more annoyed as I watched this girl being so insecure with herself and with her man that she had to show all the gay guys in the gym that he belonged to her. She must be one of these ignorant straights that think that a gay dude is interested in any dude just because he has a dick, so to show all the gay dudes in this gay gym that this dude belonged to her she had to hold her man’s hand in the gym walking from machine to machine. If she’s so afraid of the gay community in the Castro she and her man should go somewhere else where she feels more comfortable. There was one gay couple there and they’ve been there forever and they always hold hands but not when going from one piece of equipment to the other so it was good to see they were there and hopefully this straight couple got an eye full of the gay couple and got turned off and cancelled their membership. I can hope can’t I?! Thank you.—Liz
Muchas gracias for your comment, Liz. As you can see, I’ve titled this “Females are so insecure and needy.” That title came to me after I read about your experience at the gym. From what I hear, that gym is changing for the worse, just like San Francisco.
Not all females are insecure and needy, but from my experience the majority of females are. In my past, some muchachas whom I worked with were not at all needy and never into drama or attention at least around me. But the overwhelming majority of las muchachas I’ve dealt with were very insecure, needy, in need of drama, and some muchachas will admit to that. Other muchachas angrily deny it.
Most females need all this attention, this constant hand-holding, this constant holding of some kind, besos, doors opened for them, chairs pulled out for their needy ass, this done for them, that done for them, on and on, they’re such helpless needy people. Turn on that television and one sees the same needy, insecure behaviour from females in network programmes, obnoxious commercials and noticias/news. That’s in part where las chicas and their chicos learn this stuff and come to expect it in their own lives.
I’ve talked with some divorced guys over the years who were once married to a female and they confirmed this as well, and it was part of the reason they divorced. They referred to the females they were married to as, “she was High Maintenance” (they were being polite) and they couldn’t deal with it anymore. Some muchachos don’t divorce, they don’t feel like going through all the legal and emotional hassle and emotional baggage so they just stay away from home as often as possible so as to not be subjected to the neediness, the insecurity and constant nagging about what el muchacho hasn’t done for her that she expected (with her often needy and unrealistic expectations). There are the constant female mood swings which all men know about in detail, including gay chicos who have experienced the mood swings with amigas. One minute she’s fine, happy and laughing and the next minute—for some unknown reason—she’s an emotional wreck, in tears with an emotional meltdown in the works and storming out the room over something trivial. Five minutes later when she returns and one asks, “are you alright?” she responds with: “Yeah I’m fine, why?” She doesn’t remember any of it; it never happened according to her. One cannot predict a female’s behaviour or her mood, so don’t bother trying. With most females, you never know what her mood is going to be. She’s unpredictable. Which personality will show up today?
And of course this insecure and needy behaviour of females encourages chauvinistic behaviour from el chico whom she’s desperately grabbing the hand of as she needs/demands security/attention from him and clings to him.
After reading Liz’s comment, I was wondering how that mujer/woman in the gym would have travelled from one piece of workout equipment to another machine if her chico hadn’t been there to hold her needy hand and take her from one machine to another? What would the woman have done? Since she apparently couldn’t have travelled from one workout machine to another without him being there, no? How unfortunate that she’s never heard the words: independent, self-sufficient, autonomous or feminist.
From what I see these days feminism is dead and it’s people like this woman’s behaviour in the gym that has caused feminism to die. I especially see this chauvinistic behaviour in The Castro with young “straight” couples who look like they’re in their 20s or 30s. Is your clinging to him like a magnet to supposedly “protect him” and keep him away from the gay boys? Don’t flatter yourself, muchacha! Is it to let everyone know he belongs to you? Well who the fuck cares?! You’re in a major city where know one knows you (except your amigos, if you have any), you’re not in some small hamlet where everyone knows you. Psssssst: If your chico is interested in or wants a gay boy there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it, muchacha. And your clinging to him and neediness might backfire on you and turn him off. I know I’d damn-well get tired of it. jesus!
I know of two “straight” married couples (probably in their 40s or a bit older) where the partners are both equal in their relationship and in their interaction with each other. They don’t act at all like this couple from the gym: With that couple, did the female require “daddy” to hold her little hand going from machine to machine? The couples I know behave as equals, rather than the female being chauvinistically subservient to the guy. Ugh.
I’m also glad Liz brought this up: Just because el chico is gay does not mean he’s into any chico he sees. What fool thinks that? Just like any “straight” chico is not into any chica he sees. Well it works the same way with GLBTQ people. But some anti-gay morons or just ignorant people out there—and it sounds like that needy mujer/woman in the gym that Liz talked about might be one of them—do indeed hold to that fucked-up-in-the-head thinking that a gay chico is into any chico he sees because he’s into any dick, which is nonsense.
And finally, whenever I have the misfortune of seeing a “straight” couple around here as part of the “straights” invasion of the gay Castro barrio, el muchacho (of the “straight” couple) is always taller (at least a head taller if not more) than la chica he’s with. Is that so he can tower over her as some sexual, chauvinistic head-trip he’s on or they’re both on? She’s staring up at him like she’s looking up at a skyscraper—well really she looks like she’s desperately trying to climb up on him somehow standing on her tiptoes looking way up at him in her craving need for attention—as if she’s looking up at “daddy” with puppy-dog, limpid eyes and pleading, “daddy, please give me attention, I demand it, I crave it, por favor.” I see that scene I just described too often in The Castro these days. Ugh.
By contrast, most gay and lesbian couples I see around here seem to be about the same height.
Muchísimas gracias, Liz for your comment. Chau.—el barrio rosa