Male Musicians: A female is not a rubbish bin for your flowers

Forget the flowers at the end of classical music performances. It’s become an unappreciative and predictable ritual of sexist chivalry. Unfortunately most male musicians don’t possess the maturity, integrity or politeness to graciously accept the flowers given to them by orchestral management. What other gifts do these ungrateful people give away, and in public view?

Hola a todos. Ah, the poor las flores/flowers. They get so little appreciation from most male musicians. Well, upon reflection, they get no appreciation. Clearly, the male musicians don’t want them. Or most don’t. It’s why the flowers frequently end up in a female’s hands as if she’s considered the local trash bin for them. Then she has this puzzled look on her face as if asking, “Why did he give me HIS flowers?” Where was it written that flowers are only for a specific gender, the gender with a vagina? And who plants the seeds and grows the flowers? Isn’t that mostly guys? I’ve written about this before in another article, but it seems that this tradition is being abused and or disrespected by thoughtless, rude and inconsiderate male musicians.

Mi amigo/My friend and I were watching a performance of a piano concerto by a major symphony orchestra in the EU. I’m not promoting the performance in this instance. From the beginning, something about the pianist struck me as a bit odd and I still can’t figure out why. I’d not heard of him before. Mi amigo said he had a similar feeling about the guy. Mi amigo said: I was turned off by how straight (heterosexual) the pianist tried to act on stage. To me (I’m speaking now), I almost saw a closet case trying to “act straight.” Not something I’ve picked up on from other musicians. We were both turned off by the pianist’s needless theatrics during his performance. Although he was supporting his back by sitting up tall — which is something I look for with well-trained pianists; and that’s the way I was trained from the beginning — his playing position at the piano was that of an arched back as he leaned way back while playing. I was thinking: Is he trying to lie back in the lap of the First Concertmaster? He wasn’t gazing at the ceiling with quivering lips or limpid eyes — something that Vladimir Horowitz said you’d never see him do — but came close to that at times. Then, as usual, at the end of the performance during the bows, orchestral management’s representative brought him a pretty bouquet of flowers in red and yellow colours. He thanked her. I don’t know why considering what he did 5 seconds later. As he walked back to the stage door, he had not had the flowers in his hands longer than 5 seconds. The camera showed him glancing down at the flowers and then he gave them to one of the female (of course) violinists seated near the back of the Orchestra. The camera showed her face of bewilderment. Not only did she have her violin and bow to hold but now a bouquet of flowers because an ungrateful male musician must have thought, “I don’t want these!” and dumped his flowers on her as if she were the local rubbish bin and felt the need to give away a gift that he had just received from management. Orchestral management didn’t have to give Mr Ungrateful Piano Soloist anything other than to pay his fee from his artist management for his performance. The violinist had this look of “Why did he just give me HIS flowers? These are HIS flowers.” It was very rude. Doesn’t that always make the gift-giver feel good?

After I wrote about this flower ritual — although not about this pianist — in one of my previous articles, someone emailed me feeling the need to make excuses for these male musicians. The person wrote that maybe the male musicians are “being a gentleman” by giving their flowers to females. (roll eyes) Using that rationale, he could “be a gentleman” by giving his flowers to another guy, correct? But none of the male musicians do that because they don’t want to be seen as “a sissy” or queer. And that’s, in part, what this is about. Don’t these male musicians hold to the fucked-up thinking that only gay guys give each other flowers? And where were they brainwashed with that nonsense that flowering plants are only for females? You know, some basura in our society will stoop to the level to defend anything that an ungrateful el cabrón does. Despite the sexism, the Male Patriarchy mentality, and male dominance over a female chivalry this act implies — which is what I do expect from the mostly conservative classical music audience — a “gentleman” (a word I can’t stand and never use because of its origins with chivalry) gives his gifts away. In my world, a “gentleman” graciously and politely accepts and keeps all gifts and respects them. Period. It is the rude, inconsiderate and unappreciative el cabrón who gives his gifts away leaving the gift giver feeling disgusted by having wasted the time, money and thoughtfulness giving el cabrón a gift at all. Why bother giving him flowers when he’s just going to dump them on the nearest chick so he doesn’t give the appearance that he’s “a sissy,” leaving her thinking, “What am I, his trash can? Do I look like a trash can to you? What am I supposed to do with these? If these flowers were meant for me, orchestral management would have specifically given them to me as one of the violinists on the back row.” Does the same “gentleman” give his performance fee away to a female violinist too? If not, why not? Isn’t that the act of a “gentleman” too, you misogynistic idiots who rush to defend this nonsense? You fossils of the classical music audience with your “men must cater to women” sexist mentality disgust me. You’re also the same sexist, misogynistic male basura that talk about “I would never do anything to harm my lady” and see women as “the fairer sex” and refer to women as “ladies.” But you think nothing of slapping “the little lady” — as if she’s not your equal — upside the head when she crosses you, the supposed “head of the house” in instances of domestic abuse. This is the same crowd that has been brainwashed with the following: a guy must open a door for a woman (car door or otherwise) and pull out her chair at the dinner table. The “lady” always goes first. To hell with that! In my world, if a woman can’t open her own car door, she can park her ass on the sidewalk until she’s able to. Do we understand each other? Since when does a guy have to pull out some helpless chick’s chair at a dinner table just because she comes with a vagina? I see us as being equal. She never learned how to open doors and pull out chairs? She pulls out chairs and moves them around the room quite easily when she vacuums and does “ladies work.” This is absolutely stupid. Where do people come up with this sexist shit?

I have never related well to the conservative classical music audience. From my experience with other musicians, the musicians and the audience are of two different mentalities and mindsets. Very different people.

At this point, it feels like the now-dead feminist movement accomplished even less than the bare minimal accomplishments of the now-dead Gay Rights Movement.

When the truth be told, the piano soloist demonstrated the behaviour of insensitive ingratitude, and that’s not something a “gentleman” would do.

Since this pianist was really so desperate to dump his flowers, a more logical choice would be to have given his flowers to the First or Second Concertmasters. And by doing so, that would not be sexist at all. That would signify that he felt they deserved the flowers — as representatives of the Orchestra — more so than he as the soloist. Though orchestral management didn’t think that way obviously. But of course he wouldn’t dream of giving his flowers to either Concertmaster because, in this case, they were both guys and in the heterosexual world “men never give other men flowers” as that would give the impression that he’s queer, and we can’t have that now can we? We’ve made so much progress in a world of more and more closet cases. Especially when mi amigo sensed that the guy really wanted us to believe that he’s straight.

But sadly, it would appear that flowers threatened this male pianist’s masculinity. But it’s a common theme we’ve seen with many male musicians, especially conductors. They’re the worst in this regard. And a straight guy with masculinity issues (there’s no shortage of those) or a guy pretending to be straight (meaning a gay guy in the closet) would indeed behave this way so that holding a bouquet of innocent flowers did not in any way what-so-ever, give the “wrong impression” that he might be “a fairy.” Gasp! Who would ever thought that beautiful, innocent flowers had the power to strip a male of his masculinity? Doesn’t the mere planting of flower seeds not threaten one’s masculinity? I should think so with such a fragile and shallow concept of masculinity. It would seem that some male musicians have masculinity, sexism and or sexual orientation problems/issues. No surprise there these days as the world is heading back to the 1940s-50s in case one hasn’t noticed. Just look up from your phone! I feel I’m being a bit repetitive but there are so many thick and dense people out there these days and they may show up here — especially from the classical music audience — where you almost have to draw them a picture for them to grasp things. It should be pointed out that these male musicians never give their flowers to another male musician — it must always be a female — because apparently in their sexist and homophobic mind, “Guys don’t give other guys flowers.” Says who? When? Who made that sexist rule? The same nuts who came up with that “boys must wear blue and girls must wear pink” nonsense? Where genders are colour-coded? Insanity. Reminds me of the colour-changing tennis courts I’ve been seeing lately: Pink or lavender used for female tennis players. Millennial black and grey used for the male tennis players. In hot temperatures that black and grey tennis court should really be comfortable, don’t you think? [sarcasm intended]. Or, they’re using blue or green for “the boys.”

I did look up the age of the piano soloist to make this point, although I don’t even remember his name as of this writing. That’s how much interest I now have in him. It’s just as well as far as I’m concerned. The odd thing about this is that this pianist was born in 1982. So he’s a Millennial. Wouldn’t you know it?! Don’t get me started on this fucked-up (homophobic?) Millennial generation, with few exceptions to that. As of this writing he’s 37 years of age. Where did he learn this outdated thinking? I would expect this thinking more so from an 80-90 year old person. The point being that this sexism is being promoted in the classical music field by the younger generation. So at this rate, we’ll never get rid of these outdated sexist traditions. What is wrong with so many Milleneals? Nobody has that much time! His face, however; did not look like that of a typical 37-year old. His face looked rather hammered. A little stress in one’s life? Is one stressed over one’s insecurities about one’s sexuality and one’s male insecurities? While some or many of their views are from a different bigoted and sexist era, don’t most Milleneals think they’re so futuristic and light-years ahead of the rest of us with their tech addiction, their dopamine phone addiction and living their life on the world’s biggest millionaire/billionaire-owned data-mining and spy machines officially called “social media?” And the “tech bro” male-dominated Millennial-operated Tech Industrial ComplexTM has a reputation for being one of the most sexist industries today. I guess one doesn’t see any flowers on their phones or in their drab black and grey cubicles.

Over the years, I remember seeing some male piano concert artists being given flowers by members of the audience during the bows, and if he received more than one bunch of flowers, as I recall, he left them on the edge of the stage floor or out there on the piano rather than taking the flowers backstage with him. What happened to those flowers? Did the stage crew throw them in the rubbish? Someone from the audience thinks to bring you flowers as an admirer of yours and goes out of their way to do so, and then you leave them on the stage or on the piano? How thoughtless. How ungrateful. I suspect you may have lost a fan with that behaviour, mi amor.

I think it’s time to suspend/end this flower-giving gift ritual entirely that comes at the end of classical music performances because frankly many (most?) male musicians don’t possess the maturity (sexual or otherwise) to graciously accept a kind gift of flowers given to them. They seem to think it harms their masculinity in some way or makes them look queer. If he were secure with himself and his sexuality he wouldn’t care what it looked like. He would say, “People will think what they want.” Instead, these male musicians can’t wait to dump their flowers on some convenient female. I suspect if the male musicians were given an electric drill and bit set or some home improvement equipment they wouldn’t dump that on some female in the Orchestra. I suggest to just end this nonsense altogether because the female musicians are not a trash can for these ungrateful male musicians’ flowers who seemingly think they’re too macho for flowers. Don’t give these musicians anything — other than their performance fee — since they don’t seem to have the maturity to appreciate it.

In this instance, the pianist turned me off so I have no interest in him as a pianist or to learn anymore about him. I’d likely find a heteronormative picture of him-tall/her-short with the caption “[pianist’s name] with his wife and children.” (roll eyes) I sometimes research musicians I’m not familiar with but I won’t be doing that in this case with this guy.

So again, I think it’s time to end the gift of flowers routine entirely because only females seem to have the maturity to show appreciation for them.

There are very few female conductors to begin with, but I’ve never seen a female soloist (vocal or instrumental) or conductor give her flowers away. Most guys can’t get rid of them fast enough. Again, clearly they have masculinity issues. I don’t think these guys would get along too well with my straight neighbour across the street who is very much into flowers. His masculinity is not threatened in the least and he’s not stripped of his masculinity by innocent flowers. Stunning really, who knew that flowers had that much power to so threaten fucked-up-in-the-head male musicians?

I guess it’s never occurred to these male musicians that they unknowingly reveal quite a bit about themselves — probably more than they want most people to know about themselves — to an observant public by this simple rude and ungrateful act. Whoever thought that flowers were so threatening to a male ego? Fucking ridiculous. Chau.—el barrio rosa

P.S. Interesting and speaking of females, I watched this Orchestra the other night perform a concerto with a female soloist. She was given flowers during the bows and looked surprised when the flowers were given to her. She also looked very appreciative of them and kept them. If only most male musicians could show the same.

2 comments on “Male Musicians: A female is not a rubbish bin for your flowers

  1. castro local

    you mentioned domestic abuse with the straights. you don’t know how true that is!! here in the castro i see at least 2 hetero fights a week now & a friend of mine who lives in upper market said it’s the same up there. he had the day off yesterday so we had dinner last night. he brought it up. he sleeps during the day for his work and hears yelling fuck you’s from the hetero couples on his street having another screaming match w/ each other. some of the women try to get sympathy from other women passing by so she starts telling anyone who will listen her story while the guy is about 40 feet away. not a good thing to do when you have a raving lunatic boyfriend waiting to pounce on anybody. same here in the castro. it was nothing like this when we were a gay mecca. the straights have ruined the neighborhood. 🙁

  2. Hugo

    I stopped opening doors for chicks years ago. One day I was with this girl and she started drama and arguing with me as we were going in this building. The bitch wouldn’t stop bitching at me for something I said in the car. I was paying more attention to her than I should have and ended up smashing my thumb in the door jam when I was holding the door for this frail wimped over little flower. I said never again will I open doors for people including women. IIf they can’t open their own damn door, then find a building with revolving doors.

    That’s really fucked that guys don’t keep their flowers at the end of shows. I have no problem with flowers. When a guy dies, people send flowers for his funeral. Are they bad too? Should his surviving spouse quickly throw them to the nearest chick/garbage can?

Fin. The End.