Tag Archives: internalised homophobia

Gay guys self-induced conversion therapy

Queers (GLBTQs) worked for decades for gay rights/equal rights. After achieving some rights — with gay marriage apparently being the ultimate goal ?? Who knew that was the ultimate goal ?? — some gay guys not comfortable being gay because of self-hate have decided to return to the closet and are pretending to have gone straight. Some completely flipped-out gay guys are engaging in (what I call) self-induced conversion therapy by getting themselves the GF (girlfriend), marrying a female (so they too can “fit in” and talk about “the wife” and pretend to be a breeder and be “normal”) and “smother themselves in pussy” thinking that will make them straight/a breeder, with some gay guys pumping out babies with their new GF or wife. Loco. So what exactly was the point of these gay guys working for equal rights/Queer rights here in the former Gay Mecca during the decades of the now-dead Gay Rights’ Movement when they were going to ultimately conform years later to satisfy their deep-down desire to not be gay but rather be straight/a breeder and “settle down with a female and have babies?”

Hola a todos. The above paragraph is a summary of the topic that came up at our most recent meeting of local Queers here in San Francisco during abril/April 2017.

This topic came up because I told our little group that earlier in the day mi amigo/my friend went to his gym in San Francisco’s Castro. As seems to be happening more frequently, mi amigo came back telling me about yet another gay guy he’s known from the past from his former gym who he saw on Market Street holding hands with a female in clearly a romantic/relationship type way. I thought: Oh that again. A rather frequent occurrence. Because on his walks around the neighbourhood and trips to the gym he’s seen other gay guys from his past who are now clearly in a relationship with a female. Some of them are with their GF or wife pushing a baby stroller, seemingly trying to “fit in”/conform with the continually invading breeders taking over The Castro.

One person in our group asked if this is a case of self-induced conversion therapy? As he explained: where these gay guys are now forcing themselves to be with a female to finally be considered “normal” and “smothering themselves with pussy” thinking it will make them straight — while their real sex organ (their brain) is thinking about having sex with a guy as they did all during the decades of the now-dead Gay Rights’ Movement — but now he’s fucking pussy to be a “real man?” (roll eyes) And finally feels proud to be able to walk down Market Street showing off his trophy GF or wife and holding her hand in his former Queer area now as a straight guy, or rather pretending to be straight.

Another person in our group said: The vagina is just another hole. Sadly, it would appear that these gay guys that your amigo keeps seeing in The Castro holding hands or making out with a female have succumbed to the societal brainwashing that all guys are taught which is: “you as a male are supposed to love pussy, and love the smell of pussy and love eating pussy.” I pointed out that: Some guys even brag about eating pussy when she’s having her period and how macho that is in their mind.

At this point in our discussion, everyone in our group sat silently and looked absolutely disgusted contemplating the sad state of things that we had just discussed. Understandably so.

A few minutes later: One person pointed out something I’ve said before: It seems like the Queer community has flipped out since gay marriage was made legal in the US. As if it’s backfired.

Mi amiga (obviously frustrated) said: I just cannot understand this. From their gay meccas, Queers worked for decades for equal rights. After we achieved some rights and have mostly abandoned our gay meccas because they’ve been taken over by breeders, now we see gay guys going to the extreme of dating and marrying females so they too can be a breeder or be seen as straight. WTF? Was being straight the goal of these gay guys all along during the decades they were fighting for Queer rights? Who knew that deep down some gay guys wished they were straight to begin with?…while they were fighting for Queer rights? This is really crazy.

I strongly agree with this:

Another amigo at our table sees a lot of insecure Queers caving to peer pressure to “fit in” with the breeders. To be just like them. As more and more breeders move into San Francisco’s Castro, the more Queers feel pressured to be just like them to conform/”fit in” and to be in a heterosexual relationship just like these breeders so they can finally think of themselves as “normal” for the first time in their life, even though they are Queer but going back in the closet. We’ve seen this with the obnoxious “bro” jock obsession in San Francisco and other cities. From what I could tell, it was around the same time that gay marriage became legal that the obnoxious jock fad began in The Castro with gay guys trying to be just like the obnoxious breeder jocks — and cheer-leading over corporate sports teams at that new supposedly gay sports bar — as breeders moved into the area with their “chicks” and “bitches.” We saw one breeder couple after the other making out at Harvey Milk Plaza under the big Rainbow Flag as if that somehow turned them on with their message being: “We breeders are taking over The Castro. You Queers (they are probably thinking “faggots”) get out of here.” What we’ve seen from the local Queer community was: Conform, conform, conform with the breeders and be the exact opposite of who and what you were during the decades of the proudly radical and alternative Gay Rights’ Movement.

There seems to be something in the agua/water. Loco.

I saw my straight friend the other day while writing this article and was telling him about our meeting. I’ll add something he said. He asked:

Have these gay guys never thought about what kind of emotional baggage comes with that pussy as well as the entrance rights to that pussy? Guys by comparison are pretty emotionally stable and rarely have emotional meltdowns. But with females, I know from years of experience that there can be hourly emotional meltdowns with them. They can be emotionally stable one minute and an emotional wreck the next minute, and you have no idea what you did or said to cause it, if you did anything. If you point this out to them they have no idea what you’re talking about. Gay guys are not used to this, so when they say they want to try pussy as conversion therapy to see if they too can be a breeder, to conform, and no longer be gay (they think), they need to realise there’s a lot of emotional baggage that comes along with that pussy that they are not ready for or aware of. Watch out gay guys! And if pussy were so great, the divorce rate for straight couples in the US wouldn’t be well over 50% (I believe that’s in the first year). If pussy were so great, you wouldn’t see all these sex ads from straight guys looking for sex with other guys and you wouldn’t hear macho straight guys at the gym talking with each other about “their bitch” and her smelly pussy and how he told her to go in there and wash the thing out before he’d fuck her. Maybe after these gay guys with their internalised homophobia try pussy, if they’re for real, they’ll conclude that the grass is not greener on the other side.

Good points made, mi amigo. Muchas gracias.

Our meeting ended with someone bringing up something I had written here before: Why didn’t these gay closet cases — in dire need of psychotherapy with a highly-qualified Queer (sex) therapist — move to a traditionally straight area years ago? They could have moved to San Francisco’s Marina district or North Beach or Cow Hollow or Pacific Heights, the Avenues or you-name-it if they wanted to be a breeder and live a lie in the closet and call themselves “normal” and “straight” and brag about having “the wife” and being Mr Heteronormative? Chau.—el barrio rosa

UPDATE: On the topic of closet cases, I continue to see this: Over the years that I have been paying attention to men for men personal sex ads, I have seen countless ads from closet case Queers living in New York City (especially as compared to other US cities) and their ads are written with this small-town mentality. These closet cases say in their ad that they’re “not out.” I have to ask: Why would anyone be in the closet in New York City, of all places? They also write: “If anyone were to see me on the street they’d never think that I was into guys.” Well in NYC, who the fuck would care who you’re into? Other closet cases write, “If people were to see us on the street they would think we are just jock buds or workout buds; they’d never think we’re sex buds.” People will think what they want; why do you care what people think? And again, who the fuck in all of Manhattan/NYC would care what you do sexually and with whom? These ad I’m talking about sound like they’re written by someone living in some provincial small-town hamlet in the deep south rather than a major US city with a population of 8,550,405 (as of 2015). Again, who in all of NYC will care what these fucked up in the head closet cases do sexually when the overwhelming majority of the 8 million people in NYC don’t even know them? I’ve never understood this mentality because during the Gay and Lesbian Rights’ Movement, Queers moved to major US cities to come out of the closet because we were anonymous in major cities. Unlike today where closet case Queers are moving to major US cities to stay in or go back in the closet with their gay shame. This is loco/crazy. My suggestion to these closet cases: There’s no shortage of credible (Queer-GLBTQ) psychologists in Manhattan and the other boroughs so why don’t you closet cases clearly in need of psychological help get your ass to a therapist and work on your gay shame issues? Because it’s not healthy being dishonest with yourself and other people and living a lie about who you are and your sexual orientation, and living in that unhealthy, repressive, depressive, suppressive closet. Chau.—el barrio rosa

What’s Wrong With Gay Dick?

Reading men-for-men gay personal sex ads, internalised homophobia is causing pseudo-”straight” and pseudo-bi guys to reject gay guys. These days, as we regress, being gay is not okay for a lot of gay guys.

Hola. Reading the men-for-men personal sex ads on the site I call ClosetList, the majority of ads in the men-for-men category claim/pretend to be “bi” and not gay. I’m not sure when this fad started but unfortunately it’s a case of internalised homophobia, and that’s because human sexuality does not change that drastically or en masse and I and others don’t believe that the gay community (gay guys specifically) who still live in the former Gay Mecca of San Francisco and the Bay Area have miraculously become bisexual and are now turned on sexually by vagina. Loco. When I mentioned this to some amigos while writing this, their response was, “As you often say, there must be something in the water! This is loco.”

With many gay guys and their internalised homophobia, I think “bi” (meaning bisexual) sounds “more masculine, more jock, more macho, more corporate sports team oriented, more manly” and closer to being “straight” than the word gay infers to them. Unfortunately, despite all the decades of work of the now-dead Gay Rights Movement, these gay guys continue to believe in that stereotype that gay equates with being feminine and/or there is something wrong with being gay. It’s really quite ironic that after we’ve been told repeatedly that “Gay Is Now Mainstream” that thousands of gay guys would abandon the word gay and falsely describe themselves as “bi” just because “everybody else is doing it (labeling themselves as bi) and I want to fit in.” So today, they’re labeling themselves as “bi” even though they’re not bisexual. (*roll eyes*).

There’s also this: Every day I see sex ads written by self-identifying “straight” and married guys (married to a female) who write that they are looking to suck off a “straight” or a bi guy and will “suck him off to completion.” Some of these ads specifically say: “no gay guys.” Why no gay guys? Is it because of their own gay shame? It’s the same as when closet cases hate on gay guys — and in this case don’t want to suck gay dick — to hide their own gay sexuality. Is that what’s going on? What do these pseudo-”straight” guys — who are possibly gay themselves — have against gay guys? What’s wrong with gay dick? How is gay dick any different than “straight” or bi dick? And as I saw on Telemundo’s Gran Hermano/Big Brother which was very heteronomative, none of the “straight” guys en la casa/in the house had any interest at all in having sex with the other guys. Real “straight” guys are not into having a guy suck their dick.

There are some real bi guys out there — I’m not disputing that at all and this article is not about them — and I’m more than aware that San Francisco’s Gay Mecca is quickly fading into (what I and others call) “Straightsville.” But I and others just don’t believe that there are as many real bi guys out there as there are guys pretending to be bi so as to appear “masculine” and “Mr Jock.” And this is not just a San Francisco thing. I’m seeing this silly fad in major cities world-wide that have ads on ClosetList. I think labeling oneself as “bi” is a new fad with one guy copying another guy’s personal sex ad to fit in, just as they copy and paste other keywords such as: “GL” (good looking), “DL” (down low/closet case), and the constantly-used and seemingly-required word “discreet,” as well as the cookie-cutter “I’m a top (or bottom or versatile) if it goes to that” and other extremely overused, copy & paste language. Mi amigo says: If you’ve read one of those ads, you’ve pretty much read them all. They’re all the same; lots of lies, half-truths and flaky people on ClosetList and other sites. There is rarely any unique individualism in any of the ads.

Here’s an example of how this ridiculous pseudo/fake-bi trend has spread over much of the world:

As of this writing, based on the keywords “bi” or “gay” here’s what I found:”

940 bi ads in the Bay Area
333 gay ads in the Bay Area

328 bi ads in San Francisco
132 gays ads in San Francisco

I’ll stop there for a moment. With San Francisco as the former Gay Mecca, would you expect most of the sex ads in the men-for-men category in San Francisco to be “bi” rather than gay? WTF? Loco. And the same for the Bay Area. Look at the drastic difference for the Bay Area: 940 bi ads vs. 333 gay ads (as of this writing). During the Gay Mecca days, most of the gay community was gay. That’s why it was called “the gay community.” It wasn’t called “the bi community.” It was rare to find a bisexual guy. In those days of the Gay Mecca, bisexuals had a small contingent in the Gay Pride Parade, but they were small in number compared to the overall gay community.

Moving on to New York City (all boroughs):

2038 bi ads in New York City
522 gay ads in New York City

964 bi ads in Chicago
234 gay ads in Chicago

1691 bi ads in Los Ángeles
473 gay ads in Los Ángeles

631 bi ads in Boston
110 gay ads in Boston

670 bi ads in the District of Columbia
144 gay ads in the District of Columbia
(When I lived in the District, all the guys I knew were gay. I don’t remember ever meeting a bi guy in the District. Where I trained in music there was a guy that pretended to be bi but we all knew he wasn’t. It was just an act like I suspect it is with most of these pseudo/fake “bi” guys that I’m talking about. Today that guy lives with his gay partner).

286 bi ads in Seattle
100 gay ads in Seattle

1524 bi ads in London
475 gay ads in London

10 bi ads in Amsterdam
9 gay ads in Amsterdam

475 bi ads in Vancover
133 gay in Vancover

10 bi ads in la Ciudad de México (México City)
12 gay ads in la Ciudad de México

5 bi ads in Buenos Aires
2 gay ads in Buenos Aires

20 bi ads in United Arab Emirates
5 gay ads in UAE

37 bi ads in Hong Kong
11 gay ads in Hong Kong

23 bi ads in Manilla
38 gay ads in Manilla

20 bi ads in Tokyo
7 gay ads in Tokyo

As you can see, Amsterdam — even though there were only 19 ads — is the only city where bi and gay were about equal.

My Question: How is gay dick any different than “straight” or bi dick? What is wrong with you people?! Dick is dick. If you had a “blind taste test” (so to speak) and had to suck dicks, no one would be able to tell which dick was a gay dick or a “straight” dick or a bi dick, correct? Just because gay dick doesn’t go into another hole called a vagina is that an intelligent reason to rule-out gay dick? And why are these guys labeling themselves as “straight” when they’re sucking dick, or want to? In reality, they are more in the bi or even gay category, and ashamed of being gay. Just like many gay guys who are married to females, they waste so much of their life going through this ridiculous charade of pretending to be “straight” when they’re not and they are really not sexually into the female they’re with (pressured into marrying her by family in many cases). They just go through the motions and have sex with her while they’re fantasing about a guy they saw on the street or in a ClosetList sex ad, but she doesn’t know. This happens all the time.

Then there are the pseudo/fake-bi guys who are looking to suck dick but they only want to suck bi or “straight” dick. That’s what they say in their ads. They too have internalised homophobia. And when mi amigo/my friend has done phone sex with guys labeling themselves as “bi” and when mi amigo deliberately brings up pussy in the conversation (to see whether the guy is really bi or not), the guy either hangs up on him or says, “it’s just us guys here behind closed doors; we don’t need no pussy or no chicks.” Yeah well, so much for your “bi” bull shit.

Or take this ad for example:
“Bi guy looking for another bi guy to swap blow jobs (San Francisco)

I’d like to ask this guy: If you’re just looking to swap blow jobs, what the fuck difference does it make that the guy be bi? Why can’t the guy be gay? What’s your problem with giving a gay guy a blow job?

Some of this en masse obsession with the word “bi” may be pure fantasy and it may not be how these guys really are or how they think at all. It may just be a fantasy for some of them. They themselves might call it a twisted fantasy. People have all kinds of fantasies, some fantasies contradict who they are as people when they’re not in a sexual mode. I’ve known guys who said they’re only into some twisted/”taboo” fantasy when they’re jacking off or being sexual with a partner, but they don’t at all agree with their “taboo” fantasy when they’re not being sexual or in a sexual (mind) place. Maybe that’s what’s going on with some of these pseudo/fake bi guys. But if one takes them literally and at their word, there are a lot of fucked up guys out there with internalised homophobia. And I thought “we” had worked through all that over the decades, no? We’re going backwards very quickly people looking at these ads. Is anyone else noticing?

Also, I think that with the site ClosetList, it is mainly a pic-mining site. I think most people are on there to get pics to jack off to with no intention of ever getting together with anybody. Mi amigo has had some experience on there and he confirms that for me. Some people require a face pic for meeting. What idiot would give someone they don’t know their face pic when you don’t know who you’re dealing with on the other end? And then later, you find your face pic in somebody else’s ad along with your dick and ass pics.

Los chicos/guys: Gay dick is the same as “straight” or bi dick so if this is not purely a fantasy for you, stop discriminating against gay guys. There are many masculine gay guys out there and you’re going to rule-out all of them because they don’t falsely label themselves as “bi.” And that’s another thing: Anybody can lie and say, “I’m bi” whether they are or not, just as I suspect the majority of these pseudo/fake “bi” guys are doing. They’re lying. And “straight” — where “straight” supposedly equates with being “masculine” — doesn’t really mean anything in this context. I once worked with a “straight” guy — and he never sucked dick — who was rather feminine and he was married to a female. I got along real well with him; he was a very nice person. It was like being with one of the Queer boys even though he was “straight.” He did not behave like the typical, hard-ass, macho-head trip “straight” guy.

Mi amigo/my friend added this: We both know that human sexuality does not change this drastically and with so many thousands of people. Did all of these gay guys out of self-hate and gay shame undergo that disproved “conversion therapy” and they were only able to “convert” as far as to being bi rather than “straight?” Of course he was being sarcastic. One’s sexual orientation cannot be changed. I thought most people — especially GLBTQs — already knew that, which makes this pseudo-bi fad such a sham.

Now that gay meccas and gay barrios/neighbourhoods are disappearing because they’re being taken over — in some cases by anti-gay — “straight” basura things will revert back to the way they were before the former Gay Rights’ Movement began. It seems that they already are with more and more gay guys being “discreet,” DL and closeted. The days of being “Out and Proud” and not ashamed of who one is seem to be of the past. Pretty fucked up. Sarcastically, mi amigo added: As soon as someone makes the proclamation that “Bi is now Mainstream” (he’s mocking that “gay is now mainstream” nonsense) I guess all these pseudo/fake-bi guys will be labeling themselves as “straight.” Yeah probably. Wouldn’t surprise me at the rate things are going, backwards. Chau.—el barrio rosa

With Bi and Str8 guys the GF is always out of town

Just go get the dick!

Hola. It’s really odd to see so many girlfriends (GF) out of town all at one time. Where do they all go? That’s been my question over the years that I’ve been looking at gay personal sex ads on the site I call ClosetList. GFs that would fill several airliners are out of town constantly if one believes the lies and bull shit in the ads written mostly by gay guys pretending to be bisexual and a few pretending to be “straight.” They claim in their ad to be bisexual and “straight” because they think that sounds more masculine and heteronormative than calling themselves gay. They also describe themselves as “discreet” and “DL” (down low). I think most of these guys have “issues.” They come with what’s known as internalised homophobia/gay shame. This is one of the many problems with this GLBTQ assimilation nonsense I’ve written about.

Any time a so-called “bi” (or “straight”) guy wants to suck dick predictably the “GF is out of town,” which means he’s cheating on her if one takes his ad at face value. I’ve read that “GF is out of town” countless times in gay sex personal ads on CL. I’ve especially noticed this in New York City, of all places. I had no idea there were so many closet cases in New York City, and especially Manhattan. When I came out of the closet GLBTQs went to major cities to “come out”—for example, I and mis amigos/my friends went to the District of Columbia—because no one knows anybody there or cares what the fuck anybody does sexually in a major city. A person is anonymous in a major city. There are no busy-bodied prying eyes wondering what the neighbours are doing that exists in small towns. But these days, it seems that GLBTQs go to major cities to stay in or go back in the closet. It’s loco/crazy. And los muchachos have this small town way of thinking. I’d like to ask these heteronormative closet cases this question: Who in Manhattan cares what the fuck you do sexually or with whom? Despite the decades of work of the now-dead Gay Rights’ Movement, many GBLTQs are going back in the closet trying to be like the “straights” (when was that ever a goal of GLBTQs?!), heteronormative and the “GF” (girlfriend) they don’t have is always out of town and el chico is looking to get the dick. It’s just some made up stories these closet cases come up with. These guys are very transparent.

Just go get the dick, dudes

Just go get the dick, los muchachos, and stop the fucking charade! jesus! You’re not fooling anyone with this phony girlfriend story that all of you closet cases repeat because you all say the same thing. It’s as if you copy and paste each other’s ads. And you don’t even need to talk about a GF as part of your bull shit story. Just say in your ad that you want to suck dick. There’s no need for any internal-guilt trip explanations of why you’re on ClosetList or any apology (such as los chicos that start out by saying, “I don’t usually do this and I’m not that kind of person…” or “My first time doing this and wanted to see where it would go…”). But the reason you bring up this fictitious GF is part of your fantasy head trip and you’re trying to give the impression/image that you’re into pussy and more “jock,”/masculine than the guys who say they’re gay. You’re into dick just like the gay guys because you are gay. Can people be into both pussy and dick? Yes, but you’re not one of them. And how do I know that? Well, a good indication is that I never see any of the guys (with their pics) who claim to be “bi” on ClosetList looking for females over in the men-for-female section. No, they’re not there. They’re always pretending to be “bi” in the men-for-men section only, and if you’re fucking around and really bisexual it seems to me that you’d be looking for females too even though you pretend to already have the (nonexistent) “GF.”

I read one ad the other night where the guy claimed to be “straight.” He said he is engaged (to a female) and she was also out of town. I guess she was with all the other las muchachas maybe having a nice fiesta somewhere. Yeah right! He was looking for the dick too while she was supposedly out of town. So this loco is already going through the charade of supposedly being engaged to a female and planning to get married while he’s on ClosetList looking to get the dick and to fuck around with a guy. Well, when they get married I can see where that marriage is headed, can’t you? That happens all the time. Another case of divorce and child support, and a fucking mess. This guy needs to just go get the dick and forget about that female that he’s not really into, otherwise he wouldn’t be online looking to get the dick! But upon reflection, since his “GF is out of town” like all the other GFs, maybe she doesn’t exist either and the heteronormative engagement part was also bull shit.—el barrio rosa


The Conservative Gay Heteronormative Populace

Change Gay Pride to Gay Discreet

The “Discreet” Gay Guys in New York City

Can gay people live anywhere today?

It’s (now) Bad to be Gay?

The Gay Populace: The (new) Tool of The Right

What was the ultimate goal of the Gay Rights Movement?

Are gays going back in the closet?

The Lobotomised Gay Community

The Gay Jock Fad

Is it GLBTQ or LGBT?

What’s with GLBTQs and corporate sports teams?