The “Discreet” Gay Guys in New York City


What does a non-discreet blow job look like? Does one have to get out on a street corner in Manhattan to do one of those?

UPDATE (2017): Why I no longer write about Queer topics, and why am I now using the word “Queer?” That’s because there’s no hierarchy or politics involved in the word “Queer” as opposed to the hierarchy of that “LGBT” nonsense that’s saturated all over the internet. Also, Queers (and the word Queer) make breeders nervous and we enjoy every minute of it. (smile)

Hola a todos. Some readers who read my article below (“The “Discreet” Gay Guys in New York City”) and my subsequent Queer articles after that have asked me via e-mail: Why are you no longer writing about Queer topics? Well, that’s because I don’t see any reason to. Why should I bother? I’ve written about Queer topics for years and it didn’t do any good. Nothing changed for the positive. There’s nothing else to say about it. Only a few people seem to care in the big scheme of things. As with some other topics I used to write about, I seem to be “fighting an uphill battle” or “a lost cause.” Several examples that come to mind explaining this and some of which overlap: I’ve become disgusted with what the Queer community has become and turned into. Today, they are mostly DISCREET (translation: closeted), conservative, pro-corporatist, pro-Establishment, DISCREET, mainstream, DISCREET, non-alternative, DISCREET, non-proudly radical, sanitised, DISCREET, shallow sheeple trying to emulate the boring (and often conservative) mainstream breeders. Queers today are the DISCREET opposite of who and what they were during the decades of the Gay and Lesbian Rights’ Movement.

1. Monitoring television programming, one would think that the entire world consists of breeders. One gets the impression there’s not one openly Queer person in el mundo/the world, other than that heteronormative, corporatist, pro-Establishment, Obamabot Ellen daily promoting silly, dumbed-down and “stupid-is-in” and making millions doing so. She didn’t care how many immigrants the Deporter-in-Chief had deported or how many breeders and Queers Mr Nobel Peace Prize had droned or killed in other parts of the world in his 8 wars as she gushed over him at every opportunity? Or is she oblivious to all that? And I know Anderson Cooper is an openly-Queer boy, but I’m making a point here. Even most of the (closeted) Queer people before network cameras pretend to be breeders. They refuse to come out of the closet and announce that they’re Queer. Despite some advances that have been made for Queers over the decades, those advances are not reflected in 99.9% of corporate network television programming. All the programming on the español language networks I monitor is breeder-based. I am so tired of seeing him fawning over her, him making out with her, him holding needy-her’s hand, him holding her chin, him playing with her hair, her running over to him for more attention with one foot up in the back (she’s perched on one foot) desperate for attention, and him doing other things with her, when it’s more than obvious to me and my reliable Queerdar that “him” is really a closeted Queer boy. Such as the breeder-based dating programme that started on TV Azteca recently in the afternoons. According to my Queerdar, I’ve seen one closet case Queer boy after the other on there wanting to date a female. (roll eyes). Is this stuff for real or is staged just to create a programme? Do they ever have real dates? I don’t know. Mi amigo/My Queer friend says the same about the closet cases on television. In all of the Latino/Hispano/mexicano community, I only know of TWO Queer boys that are out of the closet. Just TWO. That’s it. Those two are Ricky Martín (Enrique Martín Morales) and Christian Chávez (José Christian Chávez Garza). All the others are closet cases despite the public being fed the wishful-thinking lie that “gay is now mainstream.” Yeah sure it is. That’s why I constantly read anti-Queer comments on political message forums and YouTube videos and everywhere else. “Gay is so mainstream” that’s why Queers are saturated all over my television. NOT!

I don’t watch the English-language networks but I would guess that they’re no different. I suspect 99% of the programming on those networks is breeder-based too. In the last few months I’ve read about one or two of those corporate networks planning to do a “gay programme” or bring back one they did in the past. Then some shallow, corporatist Queer organisation jumped up and down in celebration about this. Get. A. Grip. As some of us see it, it’s nothing but a “flash in the pan” in the big scheme of things and nothing to get excited about. Too often with these “gay programmes,” or when they feature a person who is supposedly Queer, they merely show stereotypical Queer guys and lesbians to continue outdated stereotypes. I’ll get exited when corporate networks changed their programming to where a large segment of their programming is Queer-based. I’m not holding my breathe for that to happen. But these little “token” gay programmes are meaningless in the big scheme of things as far as some of us are concerned.

2. 99.9% of the public — including Queers — use that cookie-cutter “LGBT” acronym nonsense because that’s what they see all over the internet. Even the anti-Queer far-right use “LGBT.” Some of us can’t stand the “LGBT” nonsense for several reasons:

1) to begin with, it leaves out Queers entirely…whatever nutball dreamed it up was prejudice against Queers.

2) “LGBT” is the hijacking of the original Gay and Lesbian Rights’ Movement by lesbians when they were not the dominant group of the moment so why are they getting “top-billing?” and

3) some people are asking: “What’s wrong with you gay guys, why are you giving “top billing” to lesbians? Why are you allowing that when you did most of the work during the Gay and Lesbian Rights’ Movement? Agreed. Yes, I fail to understand why lesbians get top billing. That makes no sense to me. I’ve read that the “L” was put first by one of those corporatist gay media organisations because lesbians were feeling neglected. (roll eyes) Oh the poor things. Well if their ass had done more during the Gay and Lesbian Movement they wouldn’t feel neglected. They deserve what they get, which is second billing as in GLBTQ, if one must use any acronym. That’s the way it should be written: GLBTQ. But personally, I’m starting to use the word Queer instead of any letters since this topic and acronyms feel like a lost cause.

3. The gay community to me and other Queers now seems dead and closeted. As I write in the article below, they’ve gone from proudly-radical and “out and proud” to proudly discreet which means either you’re closeted and/or cheating on somebody (or both). Looking at personal sex ads (on the site I call ClosetList), most gay guys today are calling themselves “bi” when they’re really gay. They think that “bi” makes them sound more like a breeder, more masculine, manly and macho even though they have no interest at all in pussy or in females but in today’s world lying and deception are in especially in personal sex ads where hardly anything is real about those. Calling oneself “bi” when one is really gay is a form of internalised homophobia because one is ashamed of the word “gay.” Didn’t most Queers work through this years ago during the decades of the Gay and Lesbian Rights’ Movement? Apparently not! And some of us see a major rise in internalised homophobia in the Queer commmunity today. It’s really pathetic what the Queer community has turned into. Mi amigo/My friend said the other day: “I get the impression that most Queer people are back in the closet.” That’s the impression I get too in the former Gay Mecca of San Francisco.

4. Just like with the breeders, from what we’re seeing most Queers today are wearing all-black or black and gray. What happened to the pretty Rainbow Flag colours, Queer boys? Today, it seems that most Queers consider the Rainbow Flag “too gay.” Yet another example of what I mean by going back in the closet with internalised homophobia. It’s as if Queers consider wearing colour an indicator that they’re Queer rather than a breeder and we can’t have that! No, the breeders are wearing all-black and/or black and gray and looking like white nationalists so the conformist Queers think they must do the same in order to “fit in” and “assimilate” with the breeders. Translation: Going back in the closet. Ugh.

5. In this new tech-zombie San Francisco, mi amigo (a Queer boy) has told me repeatedly about how he has made the mistake of fleetingly glancing at another guy on the sidewalk (no one cruises anyone anymore) — who apparently turns out to be a breeder — and the guy gives mi amigo a very disapproving, snarling angry look as if he’s about to say, “don’t you look at me you faggot.” Sigh. This anti-Queer behaviour did not happen in the San Francisco of the Gay Mecca. This has happened in the new Breeder Mecca and here which has taken over and replaced the former Gay Mecca. I should point out that people who are secure with themselves and their sexuality would not respond the way these breeder basura respond just because another guy happened to fleetingly look at them. Los pendejos.

So in conclusion, to me this all seems like an uphill battle and I’m tired of it and tired of wasting my time writing about it. All I see are breeder people (making out), or Queers (both guys and females) trying to pretend to be breeders and heteronormative so that no one will possibly think that they are Queer because we know how awful that is, right? (More internalised homophobia.) In San Francisco’s Castro, the former gay mecca, I now do a double-take when I see two guys kissing or making out because it is now so rare to see that. I even stop to watch briefly and appreciate them because it’s such a rare sight to see now here in The Breeder Mecca full of fleets of baby strollers. (Have these breeders never heard of birth control of any kind?) These days I expect to see breeders kissing or making out or nearly uncontrollably having sex on the sidewalk (as if they just met) in The Castro. The Castro has been ruined. The Castro today is nothing like it was when I moved here during the height of the Gay Mecca days. Get this: Can you believe that a group of Queers a year or so ago started a project to Queer The Castro? It hasn’t worked, but that’s how bad it’s gotten here with prudish and in some cases anti-Queer breeders taking over The Castro. It used to be that Queer boys and Queer couples walked by my window talking. Now it’s breeders with loud and/or screaming children walking by my window talking. And it seems to be a requirement with breeders that he has to be 3-4 feet taller than her — from my research that’s her requirement — and she has to be submissive to him as if she’s living in the Victorian era where females are supposed to be submissive and subservient to guys (in order to get his attention that needy and high-maintenance her constantly demands from him).

Upon reflection, it seems that Queers will have to have their rights eroded or removed completely to get them out of the closet again and off their electronic leashes and to return to the vigilance and activism of the decades of the former Gay and Lesbian Rights’ Movement. But from what I see of the apathetic and closeted Queer community today, I’m not holding my breathe that any of that is about to happen anytime soon. Because the attitude of most Queers today seems to be, “I’m like whatever” and “Where’s my phone?” Chau.—el barrio rosa

Here’s the original article (from 2014) “The “Discreet” Gay Guys in New York City:”

El 25 de septiembre de 2014. Hola, I updated my original article on this topic at this link. As of this writing, there are over 3,453 men-for-men sex ads on the site I call ClosetList en la Ciudad de Nueva York/in New York City with the word “discreet” as part of the ad. There are 466 ads using the “discrete” spelling of the word. At this rate, I think the system they use on ClosetList should just automatically insert the word “discreet” into everyone’s ad two or three times. Then los muchachos wouldn’t have to type it themselves or copy/paste it into their own ad from someone else’s ad. Or maybe change the category name entirely from “Men seeking Men” to “DISCREET Men seeking Men.” And of course everybody’s ad would be in that category.

I told mi amigo about this and he said, “yeah, it’s just the latest word to use by gay guys to fit in with the sheeple. Everyone has to say they’re discreet because all the other gay ads do. It’s the same as everyone in the corporate media having to overuse the words ‘impact’ and ‘significant’ as often as possible.”

That could be the case. But that’s not often the impression these gay guys give in their ads. They give the impression they’re looking over their shoulder with suspicion or caution as if they’re not sure it’s okay to be gay (It’s (now) Bad to be Gay?), or they’re ashamed of being gay and that they’re still in the closet in Manhattan, of all places. Who would have thought? They’re often in that age group I’ve talked about before: Between roughly 28-32 years old. How did that age group get so fucked up in the head sexually? And this is at the same time—or rather after—that the state of New York has same-gender marriage. If one can’t come out of the closet in Manhattan (the home of Stonewall), you’re not likely to come out anywhere, muchacho.

If one didn’t know any better, one would think that these gay guys living in New York City (all 5 boroughs) think they live in some small hick town with busy-body prying eyes, where people care what they’re doing. Is there anybody in Manhattan that cares what these gay guys are doing (sexually)? I would doubt it. Just as I don’t care what the people in my apartment building or across the street are doing sexually here in San Francisco. For example, some of these guys are looking for “discreet” blow jobs. What does a non-discreet blow job look like? Does one have to get out on a street corner in Manhattan to do one of those?

Some guys claiming to be “bi” say they are cheating on some “GF” (girl friend) they have (or claim to have, the whole thing may be made up and just be part of their fantasy) and they specifically say that they have to be “discreet” because they’re cheating on someone. A lovely person!

I’ve learned a lot about la Ciudad de Nueva York while looking into this. I didn’t know that New York City and especially Manhattan was like a small hick town or had a small, backwater hick town mentality where a gay guy has to be in the fucking closet and be ashamed of being gay and calls himself, “discreet.” And based on this behaviour, clearly much of the now-dead Gay Rights’ Movement of the past decades was a waste of our time. Chau.—el barrio rosa

Related:

What’s Wrong With Gay Dick?

It’s (now) Bad to be Gay?

Gay Culture is Dead in 2014

The Discreet Gay Guys

Change Gay Pride to Gay Discreet

The Gay Populace: The (new) Tool of The Right

What was the ultimate goal of the Gay Rights Movement?

The Gay Jock Fad

Closeted Gays moving into San Francisco’s Castro

Are gays going back in the closet?

The Conservative Gay Heteronormative Populace

The Rainbow Flag is now “too gay?”

Holding Her Hand, GF Away

Change Gay Pride to Gay Discreet

Why are hetero couples going to gay bars?

Gay Community being forced out of San Francisco

“Straights” come to the Castro to cheat

The Anti-Gay Agenda in San Francisco

More sanitising of San Francisco’s Castro

[Note: I don't like this site at all, but it's the only place to get this article]:
Chelsea: The Death of a Gay Neighborhood, Murdered by Neo-Hetero-Homophobes

15 comments on “The “Discreet” Gay Guys in New York City

  1. ToddinCA

    The gay rights movement seems to have come unraveled.

    What I see going on is gays and lesbians trying soo hard to be like the straights so straights will accept us. Straights accepting me has never been one of my goals or concerns. Gays and lesbians have lost themselves and the movement.

    What happened to the butch dyke look with lesbians? Seems to have disappeared. Are lesbians now ashamed of that?

    1. rosa_barrio Post author

      Hola Todd. You’re being too polite. The gay rights movement hasn’t come unraveled. It’s Dead. It’s over. Fin./The End. In fact, some people—including here in San Francisco’s Castro—seem to be ashamed of the Rainbow Flag these days. I wasn’t aware of this but the movement presumably only had two goals: It seems that same-gender marriage in some places was one of the goals. The other goal was being able to go around the world (while possibly saying, “I’m gay”) as part of the Imperialistic US Empire Military Industrial Complex killing machine to kill innocent people of a (mostly) brown-skin orientation. From my research, little has changed in the US military as far as the GLBTQ populace is concerned. A large percentage of GLBTQs who are in the military remain in the closet in part because they sense it’s still not okay to be out in the conservative military environment. They hear anti-gay jokes and anti-gay slurs. Just as I and others had thought would remain the case from the beginning. The change in the law effecting the US military and the GLBTQ populace has been mostly purely cosmetic. But most gullible GLBTQs fell for it and were—prematurely as usual—jumping up and down celebrating when the law was changed. In reality, little has changed from what I read. Also, marriage and military are both conservative “institutions.” As for the butch/dyke look, I don’t see that too often unfortunately. That’s part of the former Proudly Radical and Alternative San Francisco. In the New Lobotomised/Techie City of San Francisco one sees lesbians who try to look like models. They’re anorexic-looking with long blond hair (out of a bottle?) or long brown hair.

      Unfortunately, judging by their personal sex ads, thousands and thousands of gay guys have created their own version of, “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” with their closet-case “discreet” and “down low” language. From what I see, the GLBTQs have abandoned everyone except conservative white males in their misguided and misdirected attempt to “assimilate” with the (conservative) “straights.” [Translation: "assimilate" = go back in the fucking closet and be "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" hush-hush about one's gay sexuality.] As far as I’m concerned, it’s fucking nonsense. Can’t stand it! Gracias for your comment. Chau.

  2. Kevin

    I came out in the mid 1970s and the guys in those ads take me bacck to that secretive time before I came out. Despite a smidge of progress that we’ve made, the guys of that generation have gone back to pre-1970s or before rather than living where my generation left off.

  3. VictorC

    Its sad that people cant be who they are or dont feel that they can be who they are in a major city esp. where people are anonyhmous. Ive read gay personal ads on other sites where the guys state that theyre in the closet and plan to keep it that way. I hadnt thought about it until reading this but theyre probably in that age range of late 20s early 30s since thats the age range I usually look at.

  4. Out and Proud

    While I was looking around at those ads I found an ad from a guy that says he’s straight, discreet and DL. He wants to get together with a masculine guy to watch pussy porn and have beers. His ad lists his age as 28, but to me he looks late 30s or older. He’s not into femme guys, must be masculine and wants to jerk his wood while drinking beers to pussy porn. I think the guy is bisexual but calling himself straight because I’ve never known any straight guys who were into hooking up with a guy. Taking his ad at face value, the straight guys are being discreet and DL too. It’s not just the gay guys. They’re as messed up in the head as the gay guys in thinking they’re wrong to hook up with a guy just for jacking off to porn.

    There’s a lot of sexual oppression, sexual shame and body-image shame in this country (U.S.) and a lot of it is in NYC.

    1. rosa_barrio Post author

      “There’s a lot of sexual oppression, sexual shame and body-image shame in this country (U.S.)”

      Oh Absolutely! Don’t get me started on that. Nearly every time I go to check e-mail there’s some drivel there (in an article) about the dress that some mujer is wearing and it’s “too revealing” or some such nonsense. I think to myself: Well, with all the problems we have in this world it’s good to know that some people have the luxury to be concerned about something as trivial as some woman’s dress? WTF cares what she has on or whether she’s wearing anything? I couldn’t care less. Then we have the prudes who are ashamed of the human body and they can’t bear to see the human body—the same human body that they claim their christian god made—so they don’t want anyone else to look at it either.

      We have a very fucked up society. Gracias for your comment. Chau.

  5. Out and Proud

    I found an ad on there. This dude was looking to jack off with another dude and his ad was sprinkled with “DL” and “very discreet” and “straightacting” and he was looking for a dude on the “DL” and “highly discreet” who wanted to chill with another dude. Said he wasn’t looking for sex at all whatsoever. Just JO…just two dudes jerking. He’s “DL” and “very discreet” just for JO? Sounds like he thinks there’s something wrong with jerking off with another guy. He’s 27 according to his ad and in Manhattan.

  6. Out and Proud

    I wonder how many people actually hook up through CL ads or it is just a lot of fantasy? Still, the discreet shit is very troubling.

    1. rosa_barrio Post author

      Hola, I don’t think many people hook up through ClosetList at all. That’s the sense I have. The reason I say that is because since I’ve been reading ads on there I’ve read ads such as, “I’m giving this one more try,” type thing indicating they’ve gotten nothing from it, or just flakes. Quite a few people have mentioned the flaky people on there. Also, I’d say many if not most of the people on there are looking for “Mr Perfect Guy” sexually speaking according to their long and unrealistic list of “You must be….” standards. And some guys run their ad over and over and over for weeks or longer, and then they disappear completely as if they gave up. Gracias for your comment. Chau.

  7. Dan

    Isn’t this what happens when heterosexuals move into “gay meccas” like San Francisco’s Castro or West Hollywood or The Village etc?

    Many gay guys go back in the closet (discreet/discrete) and this is happening all over the United States. Gay meccas were established so that gay guys didn’t have to live in the closet and didn’t have to be discreet and ashamed. We’re losing or have lost our gay meccas and now we’re seeing the consequences.

    I went to the Folsom Street Fair on Sunday here in San Francisco. One end of the fair was gay and the other end was straight. The fair used to be a mostly gay event I think but as SF is quickly changing more heterosexuals were there.

  8. queerboypunk and not discreet

    doesn’t the closet case jock crowd use discreet the most?…..along with str8-acting and str8-appearing.

  9. FormerSanFranciscan

    THANK YOU. Finally somebody said it!!!!! I have to go over and read your other article. I had missed that somehow. I’m sending the links to a gay friend of mine who says he’s discreet. I’ve heard him say that so many times. Never talked with him about it. Didn’t want to get into an argument. I’ll just let him read your articles.

Fin. The End.