The New San Francisco: A City of Closet Cases

Hola a todos. This article was written while the Conservatory was closed for the 2019 holidays. I filled the time with this venting article. (How’s my blood pressure? Hopefully near 120/80.)

Man, this City has changed. From a Gay Mecca to a Closet Case Mecca, I guess you could say. A queer homeowner in The Castro who recently sold his home and who is leaving San Francisco calls it The Baby Stroller Kingdom and it’s part of the reason he’s leaving. Mi amigo and I call it The Breeder Mecca. Either is appropriate.

Mi amigo/My friend and I went shopping together yesterday, including food shopping. The food store where we shop is the only food store in San Francisco that closes for “Pride Inc.” Sunday in June. I say that just to let you know how the store feels about queers. Well, despite that, many closeted queers shop there — oh the irony in that; we see them nearly every visit — with their required female to give the impression that he’s straight. I don’t know who these guys are trying to fool when other customers with the most minimal of gaydar can tell he’s queer. So while in the store we saw at least three queer Millennial guys pretending to be straight/heterosexual with the mandatory blond females. This is something we never saw in the Old City of the Gay Mecca and particularly in this store in those days. All the queer guys we saw in the Old City were either with other queer boys or they were alone. They were not ashamed of their sexual orientation. During the Gay Mecca decades, gay guys said, “I’m gay.” Period. Pretty simple and that’s all that’s necessary. They didn’t do any of that new, “I identify as (gay/queer/bi et al)” rubbish that we see today from the corporatist comformists. Today, apparently one can’t just say “I’m gay” or “I’m lesbian.” One is supposed to say, “I identify as gay, lesbian, bi, trans.” Why the “identify?” What utter nonsense. “I identify” implies that one can change one’s sexual orientation on a daily basis — depending upon how one “identifies” that day — and as easily a weather system coming through. Has no one ever thought of that? What is wrong with people?! How do you “identify” today? More insanity. And what idiots dreamed up that “I identify” rubbish to begin with? Probably the same corporatist basura who hijacked our now-dead Movement and who are directly responsible for many of our problems today. During the Gay Mecca decades, it was known as “Out and Proud.” Not today. That’s strikingly different from today’s thinking which seems to be “In and Ashamed.” In the closet and ashamed to be gay. Looking around Produce while food shopping, I said to mi amigo: There’s a “cc” (that’s our code language for closet case) right there. He said, “Yes I know. I saw him too. The guy is with a female acting like a straight couple. At least they haven’t made out in here yet.”

I’m glad he said “yet” because we’ve seen that too in this food store. These closet cases with their females go to a grocery store to make out in Produce. Perhaps they do that — the closet case initiates the kiss — because they’ve seen genuine straight guys with females do that. I’ve seen that too on occasion. These exhibitionists act oblivious to anyone else in the store. They never look at anyone but each other with fawning eyes (they often look like they just met) and by the closet case’s behaviour he seems intent on trying to prove to the world how straight he is. Are they constantly thinking to themselves: I hope everyone in the store saw me making out with a chick in Produce and will now believe that I’m straight. (Psssssst: But no one in the store knows you, Mr Closet Case, so who cares? And some of us still don’t believe that you’re straight no matter how many chicks you make out with even though that’s enormously important to you.) Then a few weeks ago in the same food store, we saw this curious 3-way type arrangement. Two Millennial guys and a Millennial chick (all the same height surprisingly). It was unclear what arrangement they had going. One of the guys looked like he was trying to rub up against Ms Blond’s butt while she fondled the lemons and the second Millennial guy watched from about 2 feet away. WTF was that about? Then on this visit, mi amigo pointed out another “cc” down one of the aisles in view from Produce. It would appear that Mr Closet Case and others like him think that by making out with his girl in the store that he can “kiss the gay away” and later “breed the gay away.” Sorry Mr Closet Case, it doesn’t work that way as you may find out too late with 18+ years of child support payments and possibly wishing you’d never met Ms Blond. Then we saw this particular closet case in the Produce Section feed one of the cheese samples to his blond girl. Ah, isn’t that so romantic? It warms the heart, doesn’t it? (roll eyes) I thought: Ms Helpless can’t feed her own face? Does he have to feed her at home like she’s a Gerber Baby? Then mi amigo pointed out another “cc” down the aisle. That one was really obvious. He was so fem, but still it was the mandatory him-tall/her-short-blond. I looked down the aisle. Yes, all of these Millennial closet case couples were the required him-tall/her-short. Mi amigo asked me in frustration: Can’t these women tell that the guy they’re with is gay since it’s obvious to us. I said: From my research some suspect he is queer, others know but choose denial because at least a guy is finally giving her the attention she craves and can put up with her and treats her like the “princess” she think she is. (roll eyes). Feminism is dead. Well to be clear: He treats her like the “princess” until he gets pissed off enough with her and then that’s when the breeder domestic abuse starts and the loud “fuck you’s” begin. We hear “him and her” screaming at each other, sometimes they come out into the street to continue their fight and the cops show up. That scenario has repeated itself several times in recent months on my street. Mi amigo and I look at each other and say: We had none of this dysfunction when it was a peaceful queer neighbourhood.

We did see one or two single queer boys in the store but their noses were facing the ceiling unfortunately. Snots. They thought they were too good to say a friendly “hello, how are you?” to another queer boy. Man, things have really changed in this City. Keep in mind this is the same City where gay cruising was pretty common no matter where you were during the Gay Mecca Days. NOT TODAY! Don’t even think of it. Except on the rare occasion, the only cruising that takes place today is on that screen that’s glued to one’s hand where one scrolls mindlessly and endlessly through millions of sex profiles. Profiles which are usually full of lies with one’s penis size given in internet inches (6″ = 9″, and where overweight guys are sanitised and called “a bear” or a “cub.” It makes being overweight perfectly acceptable and it’s a sexual fetish for some people. Meanwhile, the guy you’re really hot for just walked by you but you didn’t look up from your phone to see him.)

We saw only one queer male couple in the store but they refused to look at anybody. They were snots too.

Then over in the Herbs area of the store, there were these oblivious, inconsiderate females with babies in condominium-sized baby strollers in the way of other customers who were trying to get their herbs. These mothers felt the need to teach their children about herbs when it was an inappropriate time to do so in a crowded store. (Some people are absolutely clueless.) But what she was really doing was trying to get attention for herself with her loud voice. Isn’t getting attention part of the reason that females want to have babies to begin with, so that everyone will “oooooh and aaaaaah” over her baby, giving her attention? “Oh what a cute little baby. How old is it?” And on the odd occasion that some parents wear the baby on their chest, most in San Francisco wear the baby incorrectly with the baby facing out chafing its hanging arms and legs — that’s so that everyone can see their baby’s face and “oooooh and aaaaah” over the child giving the parent attention — rather than the correct way of wearing the baby by having the child’s back to the public and where the parent and child can bond, which is one of the purposes of wearing the baby to begin with. Dense people.

Well, that was the store experience on the weekend. I don’t care to repeat that again. It’s better during the week when the people we saw are presumably at work.

Then later, mi amigo went on a walk up to Upper Market. He said it was very crowded out. Droves of him-tall/her-short straight couples everywhere he looked. He saw two male couples that he, at first, thought were queer male couples. But no. As each male couple walked by him one of the guys was talking about his chick. He said, “So we went back to her place last night.” Well that must not have been too memorable or favourable otherwise he’d still be with Ms (Blond?) Wonderful and not with this guy, no? Or are they both closet cases and haven’t come out to each other yet? With the second male couple, one of the guys was complaining about what his chick had done. Sounds like a wonderful relationship. [Sarcasm intended]. Although that’s usually what we hear. Supposedly “straight” guys complaining about their chicks — maybe he’s with the wrong gender (duh)? — and females complaining about their guys. Or she’s complaining about some other female she’s having a dysfunction with. We’ve not heard any guys say, “I’ve got a wonderful girl/wife.” Instead, it’s always complaining about her. Might that be an indicator that you’re paired off wrong with the wrong gender?

Then I was reading a review of a gay bar in The Castro, The (new) Breeder Mecca. Well it used to be a gay bar but the management now sanitises the description of the bar by calling it a “mixed bar.” Ugh. Oh one of those. Translation: Straights taking over another gay bar.

The one question I always have with a “mixed bar” is: In a “mixed bar” how on Earth does a gay guy determine the sexual orientation of another guy that he’s interested in without getting his face punched in for trying to pick up a (homophobic?) straight guy who’s sitting in an allegedly gay bar but who thinks the bar is a straight bar? Hmmmmm? Suppose a gay guy sitting in this “mixed bar” made the mistake of trying to show interest in this straight guy who was wearing the “Fuck You, Homo” t-shirt in The Castro. Imagine that guy sitting in this bar. Prepare for a possible altercation, if not more. There’s always been a very justifiable and legitimate reason for separate bars: gay and straight. Does one need to explain that? Homophobia has not been erased from our society. Far from it. In fact, if one has been paying attention, things are going in the opposite direction with hate, hate, hate. The bar’s management claims, “We welcome everyone.” Oh how heart-warming to hear that. (roll eyes) Of course they don’t mean that. I suspect if white supremacists and or obvious homophobes showed up in their “mixed bar” they would be asked to leave. “We welcome everyone” is just a cheap marketing gimmick. We’re not stupid here. When they say, “We welcome everyone” what they really mean is: We welcome the straight$ who are taking over our bar.

One female wrote a complaint about this “mixed bar.” She said another customer’s friend assaulted her as he was trying to help his friend pick up a chick in a supposedly gay bar. You might be asking: Have all the straight bars closed in San Francisco? Is that why straights are hanging out in a gay bar and taking it over? No. I’ve not heard of the closure of any straight bars. Your follow-up question might be: Then what are these straight guys doing in a supposedly gay bar trying to pick up a chick? Yeah. Don’t get me started on that. Think of it as The Century of Insanity. It’s just that the breeders are never satisfied. They want it all. She used the term “wing man” in reference to the guy who was trying to pick up a chick for his friend. Sigh. I swear, you couldn’t make this shit up if you tried. Despite the false impression that some people love to give, things are not Lovey-Dovey between the breeders and queers, and never will be. Period.

Bottom line: In all of his walk, mi amigo didn’t see one openly queer guy the entire time and this is San Francisco I’m talking about, people. It’s not some rural area or the suburbs. Society’s Straight Agenda BrainwashingTM has worked splendidly here and is in full force as can be seen on a daily basis.

It’s stunning really — considering what this City used to be — which is the irony in all this. I wrote about this when Craigslist personals were around. At that time, I did some research and the overwhelming majority of Men-seeking-Men ads for San Francisco, the Bay Area and other major cities claimed to be “bi.” In other words, the gay population had en masse supposedly changed their sexuality to “bi” overnight, based on their ads, including (at that time) San Francisco’s fading Gay Mecca, The Castro. So the fading Gay Mecca had become the Bi Mecca overnight? Does anyone honestly believe that? Human sexuality does not work that way where people en masse can suddenly change their sexuality or sexual orientation. Why were gay guys lying and claiming to now be bi (and some are still saying that)? They were merely copying each other’s ads in order to “fit in.” To conform. They were also running from that dreaded word “gay” (in their gay-shame minds) and its negative connotations. But we’ve made tremendous progress, right? (roll eyes). Not if you examine the heads of many, if not most queers today we haven’t! Only a few guys on Craigslist were still saying they were gay or GWM (Gay White Male). By the majority claiming they were “bi,” in their mind it makes them closer to being straight and that means “normal” and a “real man.” Heteronormative. That’s the homophobic mentality we’re still dealing with in the (closeted) gay population today. At that time, mi amigo tested some of these fake bi guys in phone sex calls with them. That was interesting. The moment he brought up females, breasts and vagina in a call with the supposed bi guy that was the end of the call. The guy hung up on him. The supposed bi guy had no interests in women. The majority of them were lying about being bi. They were gay. Claiming to bi was just a macho head trip/sexual fetish thing for the majority, but their sexual interests were still entirely into guys. Mi amigo talked with only a few guys who were genuinely bi.

Oh, and I almost forgot. Most of the fake-bi guys copied each other’s ad with the language saying that they were looking to get together with another guy because their girlfriend was away/out of town. (Yeah right). There were plane loads of girlfriends out of town at any one time. I kept asking where they were all going and didn’t they ever run into each other? Most of these guys were gay, pretending to be bi, just like the fake bi guys that mi amigo talked with in phone sex calls. There were a few genuinely bi guys in the group with the “girlfriend out of town.” I wrote about that here: With straight and bi guys, the girlfriend is always out of town. Also: Holding her Hand, Girlfriend Away.

So why did Millennial closet cases with or married to blond-haired females move to San Francisco in droves? What is that about? And where did they move here from to come with that closet case state of mind?

As I wrote in a previous article, I realise mi amigo and I are the only two people who seem to care about this. All others seem to be focused on and only concerned about their own little queer niche.

Even though this article focuses on closeted gay guys because they are the queer group I especially notice, they are not the only queer group to have returned to the closet in droves. I’ve read comments online from older lesbians stating that Millennial lesbians are trying to be heteronormative and trying to look like straight women with long flowing blond or brown hair and lipstick (Lipstick Lesbians) and that they (older lesbians) can’t tell which women are straight and which are queer any more. I can’t either. The same with closeted bi guys. There’s no shortage of them, many of them admit to being closeted by saying, “Bi, NOT out.” And the same for trans. As for lesbians, there’s a woman I know to some degree and have talked with on several occasions for a couple of years. It wasn’t until the other night that she mentioned her female partner. It took her two years for her to reveal that even though we had talked about queer-related topics in the past, but she kept giving me the impression that she was straight. So I had no idea what she was.

This problem is across the board. It’s not limited to a person’s special queer niche. I can hear it now: “I’m only interested in trans” or “I’m only interested in bi” or I’m only interested in lesbians.” Oh, okay. Then this article is not for you. So back to the focus of this article: Why are most queers not interested in focusing more on the broader picture of why — here at the end of 2019 and after a decades-long Gay Rights Movement — so many gay guys (millions worldwide since they are in the majority) are still in the closet or have gone back in the closet. Because of society’s Straight Agenda Brainwashing which is shoved in our faces 24/7? There was once a time — during our Movement — where queers rejected that. Not these days. Again, most people seem completely disinterested in this topic — of what appears to be — a return to the closet, which from all indications started after gay marriage became legal in the US and queers were ordered to “assimilate.” Most people seem to have interpreted “assimilate” to mean go back in the closet to “blend in” with the breeders and be mainstream (alternative is passé) and be as much like the breeders as possible, including marrying females to “assimilate.” So why did some gay guys work decades for gay marriage when in the end they were ultimately going to go back in the closet and marry a female (to please homophobic mommy and daddy?), which they could have done to begin with? Insanity. What have these closet cases told their parents/family? That “gay was just a phase?” But what we’re talking about here is: Back in the closet. That cannot be overstated. Therefore, that ludicrous dictate that we were given to “assimilate” by those corporatist idiots has completely backfired as some of us predicted would happen.

The lack of interest in this topic does indeed irritate me almost as much as the closet cases do. But I just felt like saying this once more, and probably for the last time because I feel like a “broken record.” This article could be a permanent article over on the side of the page and it would still remain current for years to come I suspect, at the rate things are going: Backwards in the closet to the mentality and behaviour of the 1940s-50s.

So why does this bother me, one might ask?

Mi amigo and I were talking about why this bothers me. Well, I finally analysed it. Seeing droves of gay guys in the closet and with females is new to me. It’s because all of my adult life I have lived in major cities surrounded by a very active and openly queer community. I lived in the District of Columbia for years near Dupont Circle. I had my queer friends from the Conservatory where I trained — we all moved into the District after we graduated — and I had queer friends in the Orchestra Choruses I performed with in the Kennedy Center Concert Hall. I did not see nor was I around closet cases. Then I moved to San Francisco at the height of the Gay Mecca. I didn’t see any gay guys with females there. At that time, when I was a chorister in the San Francisco Symphony Chorus, many of the tenors and basses were queer. I had many queer friends in the SF Symphony Chorus. Our wonderful Chorus Director was queer as was our excellent Chorus Secretary (Greg B.). I did not see nor was I around closet cases and especially closet cases with a girlfriend or wife. I did not see what annoys me today until in recent years when the techie trash raped San Francisco and started their cancerous invasion of this City. They have ruined San Francisco — this City is nothing like it was — and they have disrespected our neighbourhoods and cultures. I never saw a straight couple in The Castro, or at least one that I noticed. During the Gay Mecca days, the straight couples did not shove their sexuality in our queer faces like they do today. I never saw a straight couple making out under the large Rainbow Flag in Harvey Milk Plaza shoving their breeder sexuality in our faces. When mi amigo and I saw that a few years ago, that was stunning to witness and I’m not easily surprised by anything. Rarely does anything phase me. I’ve seen it all from some of my additional work in the mental health field. Other people I worked with at that agency say the same. It’s not been until later in my life that – BAMM! — like ice cubes being thrown in one’s face that I’ve been exposed to a steady stream of obvious Millennial closet cases with their (blond) females and I find it damn annoying. They love to shove their straight sexuality in our faces as if to say, “This is our neighbourhood now. We’re marking our territory now despite all these Rainbow Flags still up for touri$t dollars. Get out of here faggots.” And I wouldn’t be surprised if they used that pejorative language considering a shirt I saw a straight guy wearing recently in The Castro which read: Fuck You, Homo. I wrote about it at that link. Imagine a gay guy approaching him in that “mixed bar” I wrote about up above. See what I mean? I think due to the straight take-over of The Castro and also due to the current political climate of hate and divisiveness as established by the current White House occupant and the basura around him, many people now feel quite comfortable expressing their true bigoted, prejudiced and homophobic feelings. Some of these new Millennial residents have been heard making anti-gay comments.

Gay shame and homophobia are two reasons that a gay guy is in the closet. Other reasons can include: Homophobic peer pressure as well as the gay guy continuing to be nagged by his parents with the perfunctory “When are you going to find a nice girl and settle down and start a family?” The closet case is too weak of a person to tell his family to “Butt out, I’m queer and will live my life as I so choose. I’m not interested in contributing to an already over-populated planet by breeding and another dysfunctional breeder relationship of him-tall and her-short. I will not live my life according to your Heteronormative Homophobic Bigoted Straight Agenda Breeder Script. Do we now understand each other?

Which leaves me asking: What kind of trash raised these weak closet case Millennials with that mindset? Since they’re in their 20s and 30s, that would have to be roughly the 40s and 50s age group who are their homophobic and bigoted parents.

Mi amigo’s experience has been the opposite of mine because of where he lived previously to moving to San Francisco. But he, too, is also annoyed by this.

Now I’m fully aware — and have written about — the millions of closeted gay guys with females and with children living around the world. But they are not in my face on a daily basis. This “in your face” closet case phenomenon is all new to me because, again, I didn’t see any of this during the decades of the Gay Mecca years or before I moved to San Francisco from the District. It is now so “in our faces” daily with these closet case Millennial guys who have moved here in droves to San Francisco. And these closeted Millennial gay guys are usually with a short female who could easily pass as his little daughter — they’re usually called “Fifi” (inside joke) — and she has the required blond hair. Out of a bottle? I’ve never seen so many blondes in my life!

I presume these closeted Millennial gay guys are the techie trash because who else but them have moved here and continue to move here in droves, but I don’t know for a fact that they are the techies. Although they fit their established reputation around here. If they are not the techies, how can they possibly afford to live here? Or is wealthy mommy and daddy paying their way? I don’t know. It’s a mystery. The thing is: There are only so many millionaires and billionaires in the world. One gets the impression that the authorities in San Francisco are trying to get the population of this peninsula already over-crowded City up to about 10 million or something, from the original 849,000+ (roughly) population before the techie trash arrived. But clearly, no out-of-the-closet queers are moving here. They’re moving away, what few are left.

But as mi amigo said about these closeted queer guys with females: It’s his life he’s ruining, and possibly the lives of others. Living in that closet is extremely unhealthy and takes its toll. True.

It’s just extremely ironic that they’ve moved here — to the most expensive City in the non-United States — in droves. It’s almost as if they had never heard of San Francisco and knew nothing about The City they were moving to. And some of these new residents look barely out of their teen-years. How can they afford to live here without having 10-20 roommates sharing the place with most sleeping in the living room? Are people still falling for that “San Francisco is the City of Innovation” marketing gimmick that one hears on the East Coast of the non-United States? The response to that seems to be, “Oh, we must all move there then. San Francisco is now the ‘in’ place to be. It’s the tech capital.”

Translation: A lobotomised tech capital culture-less City full of (mostly white) phone-zombie Millennial closet cases with their blond-haired wife or girlfriend.

With few exceptions from our experiences, these Millennial techie trash are void of any culture or genuine social skills and seem absolutely incapable of any pleasantries. They mostly seem like lobotomised zombies who were born without the muscles required to smile. Their constant frowns are duly noted as well as the nasty looks they give to anyone older than themselves. From what I’ve read, they blame anyone older than themselves for all the problems in the world. They take no responsibility for any of it. It would appear that one’s techie job is not all that one thought it would be or was promised in “The City of Innovation” or down in Billionaire Valley (Silicon Valley)? I read while writing this article that half of the 143 techie billionaires en el mundo/in the world live down there. May one presume that of those billionaires who are queer, that most of them are closet cases too with the perfunctory and ubiquitous blond female? I. Suspect. So.

A suggestion: When may we expect those — what have become useless and irrelevant — wealthy, elitist, pro-Establishment, queer corporatist and corporate-hijacked organisations at the state and national levels — you know the ones; they have their lavish annual $500.00+/plate Gala Dinner (Dahling) for queers of a certain income bracket and where they honour a billionaire — in the US to actually do their damn job, rather than eating “Democratic” Party Cult ass? These elitist corporatist queer organisations I’m thinking of could have all closed following gay marriage becoming legal in the US — that was officially the end of the Gay and Lesbian Rights Movement in the US after they gave the dictate to “assimilate with the straights” — and no one would have missed those elitist corporatist organisations since. When will they decide to become relevant again by running major campaigns online and on corporate television networks asking the audience: “Are you a techie guy in the closet with a short blond girlfriend or wife? There’s free help for you available. We can connect you with the appropriate pro-queer psychologists in your area to help you live a healthy life and to work through and eradicate those awful, guilt-felt feelings of gay shame and homophobia within your person and live a healthy life. Would you like to have the freedom of looking at guys without having to do so out of the corner of your eye so that Ms Blond doesn’t catch you and without getting her elbow in your ribs every time because she caught you once again looking at another guy, as if she thinks her repeated elbows will keep you “straight?” If so, call us now to start the process of removing your gay shame and to live an healthy and more productive life with another guy that you sincerely want to be with and have probably dreamed of being with over the years. Rather than wasting your entire life living with the wrong gender to please someone else in your life. Isn’t your life more important to you than that? Call us to deprogramme all of that anti-gay hate you heard and learned from your parents and peers. You are an adult now. You are not required to live under the locks and chains of the Straight Agenda Script that your homophobic family planned for you.” Oh I like that. That might stir things up a bit. That might cause some people to start asking questions. Imagine some of these ditzy blond females asking Mr Closet Case about this when he gets home from that techie job: “Honey, did you have a nice day? Now don’t take this the wrong way, but are you in the closet? I’ve suspected it for some time but wanted to deny it. And I remember seeing pics of guys on your phone, but I didn’t say anything. Are you a closet case, honey? He looks shocked and says: Well no, honey, you know how much I love you and love having sex with you and (unspoken: your smelly vagina; do you ever wash down there or does it just cum that way? You may have noticed that I prolong the upper-body foreplay as long as absolutely possible to avoid having to go down there and I’m careful to wash my penis multiple times afterwards to get that rank smell off of it. When I sucked my closeted roommate’s dick in college on a regular basis smells were never an issue for us guys. I really miss those days thinking back on them). He snaps back to reality: Oh yeah, what were we talking about honey? She responds with: Well I’m asking because I saw something on television about this epidemic of Millennial closet case guys and I thought of you, and truthfully I’ve never felt quite the same connection with you that I have with other straight guys I’ve been with. So I’m wondering are you fantasising about having sex with a guy you saw at work or earlier in the day when you have sex with me?” Oh that ought to do it! Now when may we expect to see these ads running? Yeah right. Not in my lifetime. I’m a realist. To begin with, I can’t imagine that any of those big-name queer organisations I have in mind would ever have the spine to run such an ad. But I think it would be a perfect idea. I’d run them myself if I had the financial resources. Although I suspect I would hit many walls because “The Powers That Be” don’t want to offend the weak closet cases or their blond females or the millionaire-billionaire owned Sacrosanct Tech Industrial ComplexTM. Chau.—el barrio rosa


San Francisco’s Castro: The Baby Stroller Kingdom (This article is about another longtime queer homeowner in The Castro who is leaving The City).

But it’s not just San Francisco: Chelsea: The Death of a Gay Neighborhood, Murdered by Neo-Hetero-Homophobes

Nearly 50% of Queer USians are in the closet at work: Despite the many problems I have with the language — such as that “identify as…” rubbish and the revisionist history “LGBTQ” caca — used in this article as well as the low 50% figure, I’m linking to it. I think it’s far more than 50%. Just as we’re told (the last I heard) that 10% of the population is queer. Where did they get that low 10% figure and how would they possibly know that when most queers worldwide are in the closet and married to females with children? For example: ” In the study’s report, the authors concluded that a significant number of middle-aged German gay men have not come out, writing: “A considerable proportion of homosexual identified men live a heterosexual life.” We identified a group that recognises its homosexuality, but do not live it, and instead lead and have led a purely heterosexual life – often with a wife and children,” she said.” Source.

The Power And Privilege Of ‘Passing’ As Straight: “Why, for a passing moment, did I secretly feel pleased that someone might think I was straight?”

16 comments on “The New San Francisco: A City of Closet Cases

  1. Don't have a cow, man

    I’m a SF resident. I was walking down the street the other day and a number of baby strollers were on the other side of the street. As I was watching these baby strollers going by, a bull dyke slightly ahead of me looked back and started talking with me about how it was impossible to find dykes in San Francisco anymore. She was dressed in old city clothes and her hair style was that of 1990s to early 2000. I told her that what few gay men there are left in San Francisco seemed to have thrown away their gayness and turned straight and started marrying chicks. She said lesbians are doing the same thing. She used a word similar to assimilating but said that bull dykes no longer look the same, they don’t even ride motocycles anymore and they’re marrying guys. She said about bull dykes They’re mostly blond hair now and wear lingerie clothing 24/7 out and about and dance with straight men. She also said You’d never catch me dressing like that or dating a guy and then she did a puke vomit noiise and that was the end of our conversation. She also said It’s a real shame, this city used to be such fun, and Can you believe all the baby strollers in this city?

    Reminds me of what I saw about a month ago in a store. This guy who looked right out of the Eagle leather bar south of Market in SF, old city. He was probably 30s or 40s. Wearing leather short-shorts and a black leather vest and beard. He was with a heavy-set blond chick who looked like a lesbian to me in her tight white pants. I looked at them for a bit because he looked so gay to me and right out of the Eagle. I used to go to the Eagle. Then they started making out in the store. Who knew that gay guys would hook up with lesbians to be straight?

  2. Marin Resident

    It truly is a sad state of affairs. I honestly think there’s more sense of a gay community over here in parts of Marin than in SF, and the gay guys over here aren’t in the closet or at least the ones I talk with who work as restaurant servers where we flirt with each other. Kinda nice really. All in fun. I go into SF and can’t find that flirtatious fun anymore. What few gay guys there are over there are preoccupied with their phone. It’s sad what they did to the Castro. My way of looking at it is that the closet cases are really very messed up people who have to live with their bad choices and bad decisions and the health consequences of The Closet. They’re obviously gay to me and I see them but I try to ignore them and focus on myself. You and I and some of your readers stayed honest to the sexual orientation they were born with and without the guilt and shame the society tries to instill in all of us with their straight agenda, as you astutely call it. Whenever anyone speaks of a gay agenda (ha!), it’s time we ram the straight agenda back in their face as you’ve done with this article. I want to thank you for caring, but another part of me says we really shouldn’t care about these messed up guys. Maybe someday when it’s too late they’ll put forward both legs out of the closet and realize what freedom they could have had all along.

  3. Alejandro

    Hoooooooooooooooola. I’m back altho I never left…lol. I have some personal experience with this subject matter not because I’ve gone back in the closet but I’ve seen all this too. The only time straight couples look happy is when they meet @ Castro and Market under the flag. They’re unhappy the rest of the time and the woman is often going off on the guy. He puts up with her until he explodes in anger and that is not a pretty sight. It gets loud too. I read many of these guys as gay. I saw one the other day. A gay Asian guy with his Asian wife. Both in their 20s-30s. She was pushing the baby stroller and it looked like they had just had a fight. He was walking 1/2 block ahead of her. I bet he was thinking how did I fuck up my life so much to be in this miserable situation? I see many just like him. Yesterday out my window I saw a closet case pushing the baby stroller and his wife was on the phone. He was having to do all the work while she played. I’m so tempted sometimes to ask these gay guys ‘happy to be straight’ with your wife and kids?

    Gracias y saludos.

  4. michael in sf

    passing this along bro – some consolation 4 you, i’m gay and into phone sex. guys i’ve talked with sometimes start out by saying they’re watching porn. i ask what you watching? gives me a feel for what they’re into. nearly always gay porn but keep in mind this is an older group of gay guys. most guys give their age around 40s, 50s and 60s. only a few milleneals. point is that on a gay sex line i’m not hearing shit about a guy’s girl thank goodness. have talked with 2-3 guys who say they’re bi with a chick but she doesn’t know that he’s into guys. they say they’re bi, closeted. good news is that i’m not hearing that going str8 or turning str8 shit. bad news is about half of the guys are in the closet when i ask you in the closet? some say “sort of” and others say “yeah discreet.” i feel your frustration amigo. like another commenter said it’s depresssing the way things have turned out.

    take care,


  5. Nobody You Know

    Depressing. Just glad I lived there when I did. Them were good times with my daily run to Just Desserts on Church for chocolate fudge cake….yummy.

  6. Brett

    Me: GWM, 45, with three jobs in SF to pay the bills. I see what you wrote about every day…your grocery store experience I mean. Two of my jobs are in retail. More than half the time when customers come in our stores it’s a young guy and girl together and the guy looks gay to me. Soon as they come in the store he starts smooching her and they hold hands while in the store. I go see if they need help and the guy looks at me and then starts kissing her again. His eyes stay on me and send a message like ‘see me kissing my girl, i’m straight.” When they come up to the register I start taking the clothes off the hangers and look down at the guy and he starts kissing her again while looking up at me with the same ‘see me kissing my girl, i’m straight’ look. My coworker who is gay is usually the same person on my shift and when this happens we say to each other after they leave “another one” meaning another closet case trying really hard to be straight because we see this every day. I’m also a server in a restaurant for my third job. Same thing there. When they place an order he has to hold her hand and lean over and kiss her after she orders and pats her hand and kisses her hand and face again. All of this is enough to make me want to change all three jobs. Our retail stores have been around for years in SF and when the city was the gay mecca we never saw gay and lesbian couples making out at the register or in restaurants. This shit is all new with these closet case gay guys and like you say it’s so in our face. We get maybe 2 gay couples a day if we’re lucky. Don’t know what will happen when all these closet cases get sick of the straight life they desperately want. Sometimes I do hear the girl disciplining the guy. She asks Why were you looking at him (meaning at me)? Never can hear what he says. Their girls love to control who their guy looks at. That’s all I wanted to say. Amazing article. Thx.

  7. Greg

    Don’t know if anyone here knows about this or remembers it but around or after the time that gay marriage was legalized in all 50 states the local gay rag in S.F. published a letter to the editor from some reader testifying how it was not the right time to be out and that he was staying in the closet. I wanted to respond to him because that’s the same line that was used during the civil rights movement – “never the right time” but I couldn’t comment because I’m not on FB. I thought it was so irresponsible on their part to publish his letter considering all we had been through. It really pissed me off but I knew that rag [Ed. name of publication removed since I can’t stand them either and I know exactly what you’re talking about because I remember that and gracias for bringing that up—el barrio rosa] had become quite a conservative rag by then serving as a bullhorn for conservative Scott W. who they endorsed for 2 terms as sup. and other conservative big wigs in the local S.F. govt. The influence that conservative rag had was seen when the Castro’s politics shifted to the right. They endorsed anti-homeless laws, the city wide nudity ban and backed up their endorsements by saying this is San Francisco so things will be different here, not like these laws in other cities. I stopped reading that rag after I realized they’re just a bullhorn for the establishment….and for closet cases.

  8. FedUp!

    I saw some gay friends yesterday for lunch yesterday and put them on the spot. They’re a gay couple who fought in the movement with me. I asked them if they were still out and proud? They both looked at each other and said “Who wants to know?” Not the right answer. They hemmed and hawed and I got sorta insistent and said well are you guys out and proud or have you sorta gone back in the closet? You know what they told me? One of them said they had assimilated. I said oh not that. They asked what’s wrong with that? I said look at you, you can’t answer the question and all three of us were out and proud during the movement and now….well, you’re closet cases. That’s what assimilate has done to you. They said “well not exactly.” I asked well *HOW* not exactly? One of them said they were discreet. I said back to them that discreet is not out and proud. It’s the same as being in the closet. I asked them if they still had the rainbow flag flying outside their apartment window like they did? They said they took that down. I said oh you put back in the closet. They laughed at that and thought it was funny. I asked about the pink triangle on one of the guy’s backpack there he’d had there for years. That’s gone too. Our server came with our meals so I dropped it and changed the conversation rather than making a scene because I was already heated inside but tried to snuff it. Guys like this are what we’re dealing with AS YOU ALREADY KNOW pink barrio. I’m right there with you. I came home feeling depressed about it because two close friends are not the same guys I used to know.

  9. Former San Franciscan

    Sad to hear in more detail what’s happened to my once beloved neighborhood. Still have some friends there and have heard some of this through the grapevine. No one I’ve talked w/ have brought up the closet cases. A hush hush topic?? Think I’ll bring it up the next time we chat.

  10. D8

    I used to know many out and proud gays and lesbians here in SF. Not now. Of the ones who are still here, I wouldn’t say that any of them are out anymore. We really don’t talk about it. They never talk about anything gay related. When I bring up something, they look like they get uncomfortable. Very strange reaction so I drop it. I guess you could say they have assimilated. I can’t stand that word either. It’s like the word gay is now a bad word to say even here in SF. I feel the same way you do pink barrio, so please don’t feel like you and your friend are alone or feel alone. You’ve done all you can. 🙁

  11. Queer boi

    All I can say is that it’s maddening. I see it too. pb wrote about this and YT videos. That’s where I’ve seen a lot of it. The queer boi sitting there with his big wedding ring on his left hand flashing that around doing a review of LED lights….I dont know what to think… he married to a dude and has the ring on the wrong hand or another closet case w/ a gurl??? Who the fuk knows? Things are such a fuking mess these days,,,,,,,, it’s depressing.

  12. Ed in the Castro

    Make that 4 people who care about this — pb, his friend, castro local and myself. Agree with you 1000% about the age factor. I’m 66. I switch channels on TV when I see some kid closet case sitting there talking about his wife and kids. They’re as obvious as day. I’m sick of it. My neighbor down the hall is transgender and in her late 30s and all I ever hear from her is trans, trans, trans, trans. She has no interest in anything else. I brought up the closet cases with her to see where that would go and I thought she was going to doze off in the hallway. It bored her stiff. She started walking away from me. But whenever I say the word trans she perks up like an alarm clock just went off. I think the 4 of us LIVED most of the movement from near the beginning to the end and we see what’s happened now. Younger folk don’t have that perspective. Seeing it and living it vs. hearing or reading about it are two different things.

    1. Simon

      How many trans people are in the closet? I’m seeing more and more stories about him becoming a her and her becoming a him and then they have a baby. They become a straight couple. They look and act like a fucking straight couple with kids. WTF? What’s the point? All heteronormative. I’ve lost many guy friends over the years because they were told that they needed to grow up and start a family. The guy loses his life, stops his hobbies because his wife or gf won’t let him do them anymore just for some fucking chick to have babies. Anyone ever heard of adoption if you want a child? This world has too many people on it already.

  13. castro local

    hell, these guys can marry all the chicks they want but their queerness comes through in their hand movevements and body language….and they can’t control it. i’ve always called these guys the “poohs.” they’re real fem and nelly. i miss seeing the nellies in a sea of guys trying to be jock bros.

    you left out one type of couple that i’ve seen. it’s the gay guy holding hands with a big-azzed bull dyke lesbian looking like they’re trying to be a str8 couple. saw that in the castro near collingwood as they crossed the street. guess they’re both trying to go str8.

    you hit the nail on the head. what we’re seeing is mass insanity. this bothers me as much as it does you probably because i think you and i are around the same age with similar experience in the movement. i think it is an age thing. people younger than us seem less concerned because they haven’t been through what we went through. that can really make a difference.

    btw, i feel the same way you do about those organizations like the one with the equal signs. they could all close and only the suckers who feed them money would miss them. we have so many problems with queer youth and seniors and others and these fuckers don’t care about any of it. it’s not their “niche.”

Fin. The End.