The Prison of Wife and Child (“It’s for the baby.”)

I’ve heard guys who are married to women and who have children say to other guys who are married to women, “Are you over there with your family, or are you not yet a prisoner of your wife and children?” Yes, society does indeed heavily brainwash people to achieve that (often dysfunctional) Institution of WedLOCK, also known as The Prison of Wife and Child. Yes, one is definitely locked into it. And most people fall for it in order to follow The Family Script and or out of peer pressure. Then once the breeding begins — what’s the big deal about breeding?; mosquitos can breed — one is locked in for at least 18 years.

Hola a todos. It’s not entirely all about the training, study of and performance of music in any Conservatory or a University’s School of Music, and unlike the students right out of high school, a few of the students are older because they made decisions later in life to go into music as a career. Some days here in the Conservatory social issues and personal problems seem to make it difficult to concentrate on one’s training and especially practise time — one’s mind can be distracted — and out-weighting music with some of the students. I sat in on a rehearsal of the Conservatory’s Symphony Orchestra and later talked with the First Concertmaster about the upcoming Student Soloist Competition, which she said she’s looking forward to. She’s also a pianist — she has a Double Major: violin and piano in Performance — and asked me if I had heard the Rachmaninov First or Fourth coming from any practise rooms? No, not that I’ve heard and I’ve been listening for them. I’d like to hear someone play the Fourth (Rachmaninov Piano Concerto No. 4 in g minor). I did hear someone working on the Rachmaninov Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini, but it didn’t sound performance-ready so I think that’s for next year’s competition maybe. She said, “Unlike some other members of the Orchestra, I don’t mind doing lots of accompanying because unless one is a concert artist it’s rare for most musicians to ever have the opportunity be a featured soloist with an Orchestra so I don’t mind giving them that opportunity. I know it’s a thrill for them.” She was asked by the conductor to play a violin concerto last year which went beautifully and was not on the Student Soloists’s programme. I asked her if she was auditioning for Student Soloists and she said, “No, I just played last year although not on Student Soloists, so I prefer to give other students the performance opportunity. I don’t want to hog all the opportunities. As I was telling her: At the Conservatory where I trained, we had a pianist that did hog all the opportunities. Some of us privately nicknamed her “The Concerto Swine.” She was in the Performance degree programme, but still. A Conservatory shouldn’t be all about one Performance pianist. Some students take the position of “Why bother auditioning when you know who they’re going to pick. The same one they always do: The Concerto Swine.” In part because of who she’s studying with? That can and does happen. Then, the tone of my conversation with the First Concertmaster changed. She looked distracted and said to me, “You’ll have to excuse me, I’m a bit out of it. I’m dealing with a personal issue having to do with a close friend.” I said: Well what’s going on, unless you don’t want to talk about it and I’ll understand? She then looked a bit relieved and decided to talk about it. We’ve known each other for some time.

The First Concertmaster’s home-city is San Francisco. She went on to say that she was disturbed at a strange decision made recently by a friend, a longtime San Franciscan. Her friend recently had an unplanned baby which came about from a night of partying and then having sex. As is so often the case, after her friend gave birth to the baby the mother turned into a conservative prude. (That story has repeated itself countless times throughout the generations.) The mother decided that she needed to leave San Francisco and move to one of the conservative states in the dis-United States.

Blown away by what she was hearing, the Conservatory student asked her friend, “Why would you do that?” The mother’s response was: “It’s for the baby.” But was it really? Wasn’t it really for the mother’s new personality? No matter what question the mother (in her 20s) was asked questioning her decision to leave San Francisco, the response was always, “It’s for the baby.” In fact, she told me that the entire family was answering all questions concerning their decision by saying, “It’s for the baby.” It didn’t matter what question they were asked, that was the answer. The student told me: All during her pregnancy she was the same person I’ve always known. She’s always loved San Francisco. She was born in San Francisco when The City was the opposite of conservative and she grew up in The City. San Francisco was fine for this family then. What changed? The family loved San Francisco until this child was born. Then they all seemed to have flipped out. So odd that before a baby travelled through the birth canal of this woman, San Francisco was the best of all places and was perfectly fine for this family of longtime San Francisco residents.

Then after the birth? It was as if they had all gone insane. San Francisco was no longer the best of all places. Apparently this family now feels that a very conservative state is better for the rearing of a child, yet they and their parents didn’t feel that way when they were growing up in San Francisco when The City was known as “proudly liberal and radical San Francisco.”

I asked the First Concertmaster: Does anyone know who the father is? Has anyone met the father? (Understandably she didn’t want to get into that). Where is the thinking here? Where is the logic? The child is a toddler. He’s too young to even know where he’s living, he can be programmed with right-wing conservative doctrine just as easily in San Francisco as he can in the most conservative state. He doesn’t even know his address, and he won’t likely care about that until he has reached his teenage years, if then. San Francisco has shifted to the right in recent years. It’s quite a conservative City now. This family should be happy now. How much more of a conservative environment do they want for raising this child? Even longtime residents who have been slow to admit that the City has changed now say that San Francisco has become quite conservative. Although many of the far-right/conservatives who don’t live here but who comment on local corporate sites and who have always hated San Francisco don’t know that the City has changed so they continue to hate on the City by referring to “progressive San Francisco” and the “progressive Board of Supervisors” as they always have in a very pejorative way. Occasionally scanning comments on local corporate sites, the conservatives are still writing the same hate about San Francisco that they wrote 20-30 years ago, as if we are the same City today. We are not, but the conservatives are ignorant of that because they don’t live here. And rarely does anyone write what I’m writing here. If they say anything, most people write in code language. They say, “The City has changed” but they never say how because they don’t want to offend any particular group, such as the lobotomised techies who have ruined San Francisco along with the Real Estate Industrial Complex and their vulgar greed. I prefer to tell it like it is without any sugar coating or code language. San Francisco is no longer the “liberal, anything goes” City that it was once well-known for internationally for decades.

To my remarks, the Conservatory student said: Yes, I’m aware of all that. I tried to explain that to her but it was as if she wasn’t hearing me. She and the family have already made up their minds and once again said, “it’s for the baby.” And now this entire Latino family has left San Francisco and moved to this very conservative state in the US. I said: Well, in today’s draconian political climate the hate for Latinos is especially bad in conservative states. I think they may end up wishing they had stayed where they were.

As I told the student: Often that conservative rearing, programming, brainwashing backfires. The child as a teenager or in later years may rebel against their conservative rearing. I did. It worked that way for me and my friends over the years. The First Concertmaster said “Oh absolutely. The same was true for me. That conservative rearing was so constrictive, repressive and depressing, and I was also strongly instilled with the traditions of the classical music field, many of which I disagree with.” She sounds just like me.

Too bad this family didn’t think of any of that before they moved. Yes, they’ve already moved. They couldn’t get out of San Francisco fast enough. Even though, again, this is the same City where they grew up — it was fine for them then — and where the City was far less conservative then that it is now. I wonder if the mother “turned to Jesus” too? (roll eyes) That’s often another thing that happens with these people.

Many, if not most females do indeed flip-out when they become a mother. I’ve seen that happen over and over. They often become the opposite of who they were: usually they become conservative prudes and try to forget their “liberal” past. They say they want to experience being pregnant and childbirth and then some brag about the birth process being the worse pain they’ve ever suffered but say, “I can take a lot of pain” as if that’s some badge of honour. Some women continue to serve as baby factories with — in some cases — what’s known as copycat pregnancies: A female will want to get pregnant because her friend and or relative is pregnant so they can “share pregnancy stories,” and talk about how big they’re getting, how many times they threw up this morning, how swollen their vagina is getting and how large their mammary glands are and much, much more, such as how they are now lactating, and all that gross stuff, and they become more and more conservative. And then later after child birth, they drop their children off at the local church to be brainwashed with religious dogma while they drive back home and pick them up later as a “good Christian family.” Chau.—el barrio rosa