Reading men-for-men gay personal sex ads, internalised homophobia is causing pseudo-”straight” and pseudo-bi guys to reject gay guys. These days, as we regress, being gay is not okay for a lot of gay guys.
Hola. Reading the men-for-men personal sex ads on the site I call ClosetList, the majority of ads in the men-for-men category claim/pretend to be “bi” and not gay. I’m not sure when this fad started but unfortunately it’s a case of internalised homophobia, and that’s because human sexuality does not change that drastically or en masse and I and others don’t believe that the gay community (gay guys specifically) who still live in the former Gay Mecca of San Francisco and the Bay Area have miraculously become bisexual and are now turned on sexually by vagina. Loco. When I mentioned this to some amigos while writing this, their response was, “As you often say, there must be something in the water! This is loco.”
With many gay guys and their internalised homophobia, I think “bi” (meaning bisexual) sounds “more masculine, more jock, more macho, more corporate sports team oriented, more manly” and closer to being “straight” than the word gay infers to them. Unfortunately, despite all the decades of work of the now-dead Gay Rights Movement, these gay guys continue to believe in that stereotype that gay equates with being feminine and/or there is something wrong with being gay. It’s really quite ironic that after we’ve been told repeatedly that “Gay Is Now Mainstream” that thousands of gay guys would abandon the word gay and falsely describe themselves as “bi” just because “everybody else is doing it (labeling themselves as bi) and I want to fit in.” So today, they’re labeling themselves as “bi” even though they’re not bisexual. (*roll eyes*).
There’s also this: Every day I see sex ads written by self-identifying “straight” and married guys (married to a female) who write that they are looking to suck off a “straight” or a bi guy and will “suck him off to completion.” Some of these ads specifically say: “no gay guys.” Why no gay guys? Is it because of their own gay shame? It’s the same as when closet cases hate on gay guys — and in this case don’t want to suck gay dick — to hide their own gay sexuality. Is that what’s going on? What do these pseudo-”straight” guys — who are possibly gay themselves — have against gay guys? What’s wrong with gay dick? How is gay dick any different than “straight” or bi dick? And as I saw on Telemundo’s Gran Hermano/Big Brother which was very heteronomative, none of the “straight” guys en la casa/in the house had any interest at all in having sex with the other guys. Real “straight” guys are not into having a guy suck their dick.
There are some real bi guys out there — I’m not disputing that at all and this article is not about them — and I’m more than aware that San Francisco’s Gay Mecca is quickly fading into (what I and others call) “Straightsville.” But I and others just don’t believe that there are as many real bi guys out there as there are guys pretending to be bi so as to appear “masculine” and “Mr Jock.” And this is not just a San Francisco thing. I’m seeing this silly fad in major cities world-wide that have ads on ClosetList. I think labeling oneself as “bi” is a new fad with one guy copying another guy’s personal sex ad to fit in, just as they copy and paste other keywords such as: “GL” (good looking), “DL” (down low/closet case), and the constantly-used and seemingly-required word “discreet,” as well as the cookie-cutter “I’m a top (or bottom or versatile) if it goes to that” and other extremely overused, copy & paste language. Mi amigo says: If you’ve read one of those ads, you’ve pretty much read them all. They’re all the same; lots of lies, half-truths and flaky people on ClosetList and other sites. There is rarely any unique individualism in any of the ads.
Here’s an example of how this ridiculous pseudo/fake-bi trend has spread over much of the world:
As of this writing, based on the keywords “bi” or “gay” here’s what I found:”
940 bi ads in the Bay Area
333 gay ads in the Bay Area
328 bi ads in San Francisco
132 gays ads in San Francisco
I’ll stop there for a moment. With San Francisco as the former Gay Mecca, would you expect most of the sex ads in the men-for-men category in San Francisco to be “bi” rather than gay? WTF? Loco. And the same for the Bay Area. Look at the drastic difference for the Bay Area: 940 bi ads vs. 333 gay ads (as of this writing). During the Gay Mecca days, most of the gay community was gay. That’s why it was called “the gay community.” It wasn’t called “the bi community.” It was rare to find a bisexual guy. In those days of the Gay Mecca, bisexuals had a small contingent in the Gay Pride Parade, but they were small in number compared to the overall gay community.
Moving on to New York City (all boroughs):
2038 bi ads in New York City
522 gay ads in New York City
964 bi ads in Chicago
234 gay ads in Chicago
1691 bi ads in Los Ángeles
473 gay ads in Los Ángeles
631 bi ads in Boston
110 gay ads in Boston
670 bi ads in the District of Columbia
144 gay ads in the District of Columbia
(When I lived in the District, all the guys I knew were gay. I don’t remember ever meeting a bi guy in the District. Where I trained in music there was a guy that pretended to be bi but we all knew he wasn’t. It was just an act like I suspect it is with most of these pseudo/fake “bi” guys that I’m talking about. Today that guy lives with his gay partner).
286 bi ads in Seattle
100 gay ads in Seattle
1524 bi ads in London
475 gay ads in London
10 bi ads in Amsterdam
9 gay ads in Amsterdam
475 bi ads in Vancover
133 gay in Vancover
10 bi ads in la Ciudad de México (México City)
12 gay ads in la Ciudad de México
5 bi ads in Buenos Aires
2 gay ads in Buenos Aires
20 bi ads in United Arab Emirates
5 gay ads in UAE
37 bi ads in Hong Kong
11 gay ads in Hong Kong
23 bi ads in Manilla
38 gay ads in Manilla
20 bi ads in Tokyo
7 gay ads in Tokyo
As you can see, Amsterdam — even though there were only 19 ads — is the only city where bi and gay were about equal.
My Question: How is gay dick any different than “straight” or bi dick? What is wrong with you people?! Dick is dick. If you had a “blind taste test” (so to speak) and had to suck dicks, no one would be able to tell which dick was a gay dick or a “straight” dick or a bi dick, correct? Just because gay dick doesn’t go into another hole called a vagina is that an intelligent reason to rule-out gay dick? And why are these guys labeling themselves as “straight” when they’re sucking dick, or want to? In reality, they are more in the bi or even gay category, and ashamed of being gay. Just like many gay guys who are married to females, they waste so much of their life going through this ridiculous charade of pretending to be “straight” when they’re not and they are really not sexually into the female they’re with (pressured into marrying her by family in many cases). They just go through the motions and have sex with her while they’re fantasing about a guy they saw on the street or in a ClosetList sex ad, but she doesn’t know. This happens all the time.
Then there are the pseudo/fake-bi guys who are looking to suck dick but they only want to suck bi or “straight” dick. That’s what they say in their ads. They too have internalised homophobia. And when mi amigo/my friend has done phone sex with guys labeling themselves as “bi” and when mi amigo deliberately brings up pussy in the conversation (to see whether the guy is really bi or not), the guy either hangs up on him or says, “it’s just us guys here behind closed doors; we don’t need no pussy or no chicks.” Yeah well, so much for your “bi” bull shit.
Or take this ad for example:
“Bi guy looking for another bi guy to swap blow jobs (San Francisco)
I’d like to ask this guy: If you’re just looking to swap blow jobs, what the fuck difference does it make that the guy be bi? Why can’t the guy be gay? What’s your problem with giving a gay guy a blow job?
Some of this en masse obsession with the word “bi” may be pure fantasy and it may not be how these guys really are or how they think at all. It may just be a fantasy for some of them. They themselves might call it a twisted fantasy. People have all kinds of fantasies, some fantasies contradict who they are as people when they’re not in a sexual mode. I’ve known guys who said they’re only into some twisted/”taboo” fantasy when they’re jacking off or being sexual with a partner, but they don’t at all agree with their “taboo” fantasy when they’re not being sexual or in a sexual (mind) place. Maybe that’s what’s going on with some of these pseudo/fake bi guys. But if one takes them literally and at their word, there are a lot of fucked up guys out there with internalised homophobia. And I thought “we” had worked through all that over the decades, no? We’re going backwards very quickly people looking at these ads. Is anyone else noticing?
Also, I think that with the site ClosetList, it is mainly a pic-mining site. I think most people are on there to get pics to jack off to with no intention of ever getting together with anybody. Mi amigo has had some experience on there and he confirms that for me. Some people require a face pic for meeting. What idiot would give someone they don’t know their face pic when you don’t know who you’re dealing with on the other end? And then later, you find your face pic in somebody else’s ad along with your dick and ass pics.
Los chicos/guys: Gay dick is the same as “straight” or bi dick so if this is not purely a fantasy for you, stop discriminating against gay guys. There are many masculine gay guys out there and you’re going to rule-out all of them because they don’t falsely label themselves as “bi.” And that’s another thing: Anybody can lie and say, “I’m bi” whether they are or not, just as I suspect the majority of these pseudo/fake “bi” guys are doing. They’re lying. And “straight” — where “straight” supposedly equates with being “masculine” — doesn’t really mean anything in this context. I once worked with a “straight” guy — and he never sucked dick — who was rather feminine and he was married to a female. I got along real well with him; he was a very nice person. It was like being with one of the Queer boys even though he was “straight.” He did not behave like the typical, hard-ass, macho-head trip “straight” guy.
Mi amigo/my friend added this: We both know that human sexuality does not change this drastically and with so many thousands of people. Did all of these gay guys out of self-hate and gay shame undergo that disproved “conversion therapy” and they were only able to “convert” as far as to being bi rather than “straight?” Of course he was being sarcastic. One’s sexual orientation cannot be changed. I thought most people — especially GLBTQs — already knew that, which makes this pseudo-bi fad such a sham.
Now that gay meccas and gay barrios/neighbourhoods are disappearing because they’re being taken over — in some cases by anti-gay — “straight” basura things will revert back to the way they were before the former Gay Rights’ Movement began. It seems that they already are with more and more gay guys being “discreet,” DL and closeted. The days of being “Out and Proud” and not ashamed of who one is seem to be of the past. Pretty fucked up. Sarcastically, mi amigo added: As soon as someone makes the proclamation that “Bi is now Mainstream” (he’s mocking that “gay is now mainstream” nonsense) I guess all these pseudo/fake-bi guys will be labeling themselves as “straight.” Yeah probably. Wouldn’t surprise me at the rate things are going, backwards. Chau.—el barrio rosa