Why gay guys should wear their wedding rings on their right hand

As gay guys and lesbians do throughout Europe.

Hola a todos. Below are two e-mails I received from readers regarding my article about Gay Wedding Ring Deception, and their experiences.

Sean wrote:

I agree that it would make it sooooooooooooo much easier if gay people wore their wedding rings on their right hand because of the prejudiced people out there. Take what happened at my job for instance. We recently had an uncomfortable situation because we had to do some guessing over who a sales rep was married to. We’ve had this sales person come in our office for about the last yr. I and another guy have been working with him. We had a pretty good relationship or so I thought. I always thought he was gay and still do but he’s in the closet and married a woman. On his last visit I noticed he had a wedding ring on (left hand) for the first time. It was sort of flashy which caused me to notice it. I said to the guy is that a new wedding ring on your finger? He said yep sure is, yeah I got married. Then there was dead silence. I said to a woman or a man? That’s when things really shifted down hill fast. He said in a very slow and nasty way, “To a woman, of course, dude, the way it’s supposed to be with man and woman.” I asked him if he hasn’t heard of gay marriage? He started turning all red and said, “There’s no such thing as gay marriage in my book. Listen up buddy, I’m not like that.” Whoa, that threw me for a loop. I said well I am “like that” using finger quotes to him. I’m gay and I was wondering if you had married your boyfriend or whatever. He said, “No, no boyfriend here buddy, trust me, like I said, I’m not like that.” I asked him you can’t say the word gay? He quickly started packing up and said he would be asking headquarters to send another rep to our office. Whoa! I told him that we’d be all for that because I didn’t know you were a bigot *and* a closet case. He walked out after a few more words were spoken. Then I got an e-mail the next day saying we had a new rep. I wrote back questioning if the new rep would be a bigot too and explained what happened in our office. No response to date.

That’s the problem with some gay guys wearing their wedding rings on the breeder finger as you call it. It’s a very delicate thing to deal with if the guy is anti-gay as this guy was which I didn’t know about until this happened. As he left under his breath I heard him say “fucking faggot.” I yelled “I heard that and because you’re a closet case you’re talking about yourself!” He yelled back “Fuck you” and some other words. We locked the doors after he left following that encounter and have added security to the building. His actions and hostility were so typical of the closet cases I’ve met in a few gay bars and online experiences.

These days a guy can be married to a guy, or to a woman. Like you said the confusion arises when a gay guy wears his wedding ring on his left hand. If this guy were gay and wearing his wedding ring on his right hand fourth finger like you talked about this situation wouldn’t have happened. But when both straight and gay guys are wearing their wedding rings on the same finger how is one to tell? Point being – Gays and lesbians wearing their wedding ring on the left hand leads to confusion whereas the right hand doesn’t. My experience proves the points you made in your article. Yours is the first article about this I’ve seen anywhere where anyone is even talking about it. Thanks for taking the time to write it.—Sean

A married gay male couple wearing their wedding rings on their right-hand fourth finger; not trying to deceive others into thinking they’re straight/breeders.

Then Julián sent this e-mail:

“Hola, read your gay wedding ring deception post. I’m a NYC resident, work in Manhattan and do some of the training in my department of the firm. Hired a new guy to work for us recently. Nice guy. Thought he was gay but wasn’t sure until we had 1 on 1 training in our conference room and I spotted a wedding band on his right hand, fourth finger like you wrote about. It wasn’t until the second day of training after he had warmed up to me where we felt more like brothers from all the time we’d spent together that we were sitting side by side. I said to him while touching his finger ‘hey nice ring, you married your boyfriend?’ He said, “Yes I did, as soon as we were able to.” I said, “I didn’t think you were a breeder (he laughed at that) because they wear their rings on their left hand.” “That’s true,” he said. He pulled out his phone and showed me pictures of his partner and the two of them together. I told him “You’re a cute couple.” That made his day. He was glowing. I told him that my boyfriend and I plan to get married at some point. He really opened up with me after that. The mood in the room changed quickly after that experience. Really nice. You’re right. It should be gay marriage right hand, straight marriage (or what you call breeder marriage – hahahahaha – I like that!!) left hand. Makes things so much easier. There’s no guessing with that, and like you said who wants to be mistaken for a breeder? 🙂 Thanks, gracias.—Julián

Gracias to you both for taking the time to write me. I appreciate it. Chau.—el barrio rosa


“Gay and Lesbian Marriage. Instead of wearing wedding bands on their left hands, gay and lesbian couples often choose to wear rings on their right hands instead. Within gay and lesbian communities, the right-handed ring is an instantly recognizable marker of a monogamous relationship, and even marriage within the states that have legalized it.”

Gay Married Couples: Are you wearing your wedding ring on your right hand?

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Fin. The End.