Barebacking and Taking Loads

I’m going to say what one is not supposed to say. But someone has got to say it! I’m going to be outspoken and blunt here, so if you’re timid when it comes to reading about bodily functions and other sex language, skip this article.

There’s something I don’t understand about some queer guys. What’s the point of “taking loads” bareback and then shitting them out? Years ago, I barebacked for awhile with another HIV-negative guy (a top) even though I was also a top or versatile at the time. When he came in me, I didn’t feel him shooting in me as many queer guys like to say they feel. I think it’s something they think they’re supposed to say. Just as I don’t feel when feces moves into my ass. Do you? Think about it: Shit is heavier than cum so you might think you would feel shit moving into your butt. I don’t. I didn’t feel the top’s dick massaging my prostate either. His dick just worked my asshole. It was a head trip of sorts to have in cum in me because I was “taking load as a bareback bottom” but then sooner (within a short time) or later the same day I would take a shit as we all do, and there went the load into the toilet bowl. So what’s the appeal of taking loads with these BB bottoms who bareback and see how many loads they can take up their ass, while not giving a fuck what STIs they pick up at the same time? One BB bottom claimed to have kept the load in his ass for 3 days? He must be constipated.

Some of these guys are on PrEP because a part of them doesn’t want to get pozzed, but since there’s a chance that they can get pozzed, another part of them psychologically likely does want to get pozzed which is why they “take the risk.” I suspect most guys don’t use condoms when they’re on PrEP, especially the guys who think they’re invincible or who don’t give a fuck. There’s a 1% chance of getting pozzed on PrEP if a guy takes PrEP daily at roughly the same time. Also, with PrEP, there have been guys who have gotten pozzed on PrEP. In one or two documented cases, it was because there was a rare strain of HIV that the bottom received that PrEP could not deal with so he got charged with HIV. Then there are the many other STIs that a guy can get from anal sex, both as the top or bottom.

I’ve found that with most guys who bareback, especially guys in their 20s and early 30s, none of this matters. Some of them pretend to be all about health yet their own behaviour is reckless in a health regard. They think they’re invincible or that there will always be some pill to take to make the STI go away. That is, until the next fuck where they could get the infection all over again. Then there’s crabs to deal with as well.

An acquaintance of mine is engaged in all of this behavior. I was feeling somewhat close to the guy until learning about his sex BB addiction, so now I’m very turned off by him and avoid him. He’s been sort of a mind fuck for me. He showed me his anal/prostate massage sex toy he bought that fucks him and massages the prostate at the same time with 10 different speeds and settings. He has the best orgasms with that, yet gives that up to take loads from dick that, by comparison, don’t do the job as well as the toy does.

PrEP advocate Damon Jacobs offers insight into such reckless and cavalier attitudes. Among many gay men, he says, “there is a deeply held core belief that condomless intimacy and semen exchange must inevitably result in pain, punishment and despair.” That makes sense to me with the guys I’m talking about. So it’s a form of self-hate and guilt?

I’ve heard my acquaintance tell a guy who apparently wanted to use a condom, “It must be bareback!” He was adamant about it. Any guy who fucks him at this point in time is asking for trouble. For May 2021, he’s had about 12 or more guys bareback him since the middle of the month. If each guy gave him at least 2 loads, he’s taken at least 24 loads up his ass. I think he’s gone from “event PrEP” to taking it daily because of his sex addiction to barebacking. He’s not eaten that much so that he won’t shit the loads out that quickly, but since he doesn’t douche his ass before barebacking, the top still has to deal with his shitty hole, which I think is a turn-on for him. I don’t know if the tops feel the same way. His ass is now a petri dish for possible STIs, including HIV, if PrEP doesn’t stop that. At this point, does he tell tops how many loads he’s taken over the past two weeks?

My acquaintance is all about being “queer” and I’m wondering if a part of him feels he won’t be “fully queer” until he gets pozzed. It’s obvious to me that barebacking and taking loads is now a major head trip for him. Is that why he’s pushing PrEP to its limits? That’s something I wonder. That’s how I see it. Should his MD tell him at his next quarterly check-up for HIV testing, liver and kidney function testing and other STI testing, “You’re poz” will he inside be saying to himself, “Yes! Finally!” while showing the opposite response to his physician? I’d love to be a fly on the wall at his next appointment to hear what STIs he has and his reaction to them. Or, will he not give a fuck? His behaviour shows that he doesn’t give a fuck.

Years ago, when I had sex with other guys on occasion (maybe 2-3 guys a month, if I was lucky), I still picked up STIs and crabs and I was very careful. This guy is doing the opposite of my behaviour when I was having sex with guys, so I can imagine what STIs he has! And what all the tops have picked up from fucking him.

I’m interested in what you, the reader, think about these BB bottoms and their addiction to having to take loads bareback, when in the end they shit it out, so what’s the point in the first place? Again, I think the point is the risk being taken. The top could bareback him and then pull out as straight guys often do when fucking pussy so as to not get her pregnant or risk that. And face facts: Some chicks will deliberately get off the pill to trap her guy into pregnancy and fatherhood even though that’s not what he wants. But it’s what she wants. “I must have slipped up with my pills; wonder how that happened?” she says. Yeah right. When a guy fucks pussy and cums in her, that load often (but not always) stays in her pussy and could get her pregnant. Your thoughts below. Chau.—el barrio rosa

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