I want to go back in the closet

[UPDATED] Hola. Someone came to pink barrio the other day by searching, “I want to go back in the closet.” I guess there’s not much to say about that other than what I’ve already said in other articles, so this is more of a venting article on my part. We have a lot of fucked up people in our society so that probably explains this. I know from visiting the site I call Closetlist that the dominant word in the “men for men” category sex ads is the word “discreet” no matter what el muchacho is into sexually. The words “discreet” (and the occasional “super discreet”) are epidemic in “men for men” sex ads on ClosetList. One would assume that “discreet” is a required word for any sex ad on that site. Even for JO ads, el muchacho has to be “discreet.” WHY? I’d like to ask these guys: Who cares what you do sexually and with whom that you need to be “discreet” about it? As I’ve said many times before, there’s nothing wrong with one guy having consensual sex with another guy. I thought we were way beyond that hang-up. But that’s what those ads are about, so why is there a need to be “discreet” about it? Discreet is code for “in the closet” or a closet case and ashamed of what you’re doing sexually, or you’re cheating on someone and don’t want the person to find out.

The ironic part about this, “I want to go back in the closet” is the timing of it. This is not the 1970s or 1980s where one might expect to hear or read someone say that they want to go back in the closet (or stay in the closet). Someone typed, “I want to go back in the closet” at this point in time here in 2015 where here in The Cesspool/the US/The Imperialistic Empire same-gender marriage is now legal in all 50 states (even though some county clerks/”officials” refuse to honour the ruling). So a Queer person (it’s probably a guy) waits until same-gender/gay marriage is legal throughout The Cesspool and then he decides that he wants to go back in that unhealthy closet. My suggestion to him: It’s sad that you feel ashamed of who you are and of your sexuality. It’s also sad that you want to live a lie to yourself and others and dishonestly pretend to be a person that you’re not by going back in the closet. There are many credible and well-trained psychotherapists available who could help you deal with your feelings of being ashamed of your Queer sexuality and I’d recommend that you contact some of them to find the best therapist for you.

It’s possible that a very young person typed, “I want to go back in the closet” because they’re being bullied in school and/or elsewhere because of their sexual orientation, and if that’s the case I have empathy for you because most of us have been bullied by bigoted basura in our society and that sucks. It doesn’t feel good at all. And often los muchachos who are anti-gay are gay themselves — they’re closet cases — and they try to hide/disguise their gay sexual orientation by being anti-gay. I usually tell los muchachos like that to go get the dick! LOL.

There’s also another possibility for this, “I want to go back in the closet” desire and I think it’s very real: As more and more “straights” with their baby strollers — they breed like mosquitoes, you know! — barrage their way into former gay areas in major cities (such as The Village in Manhattan, West Hollywood en Los Ángeles County and San Francisco’s Castro, and other areas), I do think that some Queers feel uncomfortable being out of the closet among in-your-face heteronormative “straights” when it feels like they’re taking over our gay areas and “marking their territory” with their heavy telenovela-type make-out scenes on the sidewalks and street corners and their mandatory hand-holding to let everyone know they’re “straight.” And I think that causes some Queers to feel like they’re back where they were in Straightsville years ago before they came out of the closet. And as I wrote in this article, that’s one of the problems I and others see with this assimilation nonsense that the corporate GLBTQ organisations — who serve as self-appointed authorities on all things Queer — and others have so heavily pushed for. As usual, they didn’t think the concept all the way through to see this possible outcome, and that outcome is: Gay guys adopting a heteronormative and a self-hate/anti-gay way of thinking to “fit in” with the “straights.” Yes, heteronormative conservative gay guys have sanitised our gay areas and shut down one thing or event after the other as if ashamed of our GLBTQ history so as to please the precious “straights” — the “straights” have priority over GLBTQs in our barrios do they??? — who feel the need to ramrod their way into the only little area we have that we can call our own. The “straights” own the entire world — but the “straights” are never satisfied, the Assholes — and they want it all. And heteronormative conservative gay guys (they’re usually the bougi, elitist, wealthy homeowners) serve as accomplices in giving it to them and are more than happy to do so. The Assholes! Chau.—el barrio rosa

Related:

Can gay people live anywhere today?

Are gays going back in the closet?

Closeted Gays moving into San Francisco’s Castro

Why have GLBTQs become conservative?

Is it GLBTQ or LGBT?

The “Discreet” Gay Guys in New York City

7 comments on “I want to go back in the closet

  1. the anti-gay gay guys

    here’s my experience…..i’m on cl regularly. i respond to some ads and usually get nothing back. i’ve noticed the many anti-gay gay guys and their ads. they write about all the hot straight and bi guys out there (what about the hot gay guys?). i responded to some of them just to see where it would go and told them i was bi even though i’m not. we hooked up by phone first and got to chatting. i started talking about chicks from the start to see what would happen. you know what happened when i did that? each guy i talked with only wanted to talk about guys and me and him. the guy said yeah well after we fuck her she can leave and then it’s just the two of us and we can get to know each other’s dick. none of the “bi” guys were into women. it’s all a lie. they’re into having sex with guys but they refuse to use the word gay. they hide behind the word “bi.” that’s the same as going back in the closet. thanks for reading.

  2. castro local

    i’m sorry to read that anyone wants to go back in the closet or is even considering that, and yeah i’ve seen all those sex ads written by those thousands of fucked up guys on cl with their discreet shit. i wouldn’t respond to anyone who has that in their ad.

    thought i would pass this along…when it came to gay marriage and california’s proposition 8/hate, 25% of san franciscans who voted in that election OPPOSED gay marriage and 3% of that opposition to gay marriage came from the castro. i wasn’t that aware when i moved to sf in the early 70s as i am now and i feel very differently about the castro now than i did back then. i’ve learned a lot about the castro since. it’s not the castro i thought it was then. that bubble got popped.

  3. Alejandro

    Hoooooooooooola. When are these old city businesses going out of business that said there’s no longer a need for a gay mecca and who supported hateful local laws? I know you don’t like names of businesses in the comments so….you know that café at Market and Noé (north side of Market). They led the support in the Castro for sit-lie and also said there’s no need for a gay mecca here. They don’t have much business any more when I walk by there. During the mecca years, the gay community really supported that café. It was so busy that it was hard to find a free table to sit down in those days for coffee. It was a major hangout in the Castro. It’s nothing like that today. The New City (the techies) is not supporting that café at all. That café put up rainbow flags to try to get queers in there but it’s not working. If anyone deserves to go out of the business it’s people like that who were for sit-lie and who said there’s no need for a gay mecca. Screw them. I hope they love all these straight people with their babies who walk by and who are not giving them any business. That hardware store on Castro is another one along with the theater. Both worked to turn the Castro into what it is today. When are they going out of business? Gracias.

    1. rosa_barrio Post author

      Hola Alejandro, well, what you’re taking about would apply to most of the Castro merchants I think, with only a few exceptions. They said that they were concerned about The Castro losing its GLBTQ identify. Yeah right. All they’re concerned about is losing la plata/money. But in reality they don’t give a fuck where their la plata comes from. They’ll take it from wherever they can get it. To my knowledge, the conservative hardware store has been the main engineer of the sanitising of The Castro. Then there’s those two useless conservative groups that dictate and “run” The Castro, one led by the hardware store management. The other group led by una bruja that doesn’t even live here (that piece of work lives in Pacifica). If the hardware store or theatre were to go out of business I suspect the greed-based developers would throw up another glass box Luxury Designer Condo (Dahling) in its place. So that would be the only downside to it. Gracias for your comment, and you too Ed. Chau.

  4. Ed in the Castro

    Vent all you want because it needs to be said again. I share your feeings. Who knew that the mayor hated the old city so much that he would do this to the city in 4 years?

    I was out this morning along Market Street around the Castro and I saw endless young hetero couples walking along the streets and plenty of baby strollers. It reminded me of Montgomery Street in the Financial District during the work week. That’s how crowded and hetero it was. I saw very few gay people at all. I’d say the ratio was 100 to 1. Gay life in this area has died and turned into a nursery for the heteros, and whatever you do while walking along Market Street watch out where you walk. There’s dog shit everywhere. Make sure you don’t glance at any hetero guys because they’re so insecure that they will glance away quickly so they’re not seen looking at another guy. Don’t get me started with this phone addiction you see here!!!

    1. UK Reader

      “Make sure you don’t glance at any hetero guys because they’re so insecure that they will glance away quickly so they’re not seen looking at another guy. ”

      Just thinking out loud and this is a rhetorical question: But *why* would heterosexual guys go out of their way to move to a gay area or a former gay area with still some gay guys living there and not want or expect another guy to look at them? With such insecurity with their own sexual orientation, why didn’t they move to another location not known as a gay area?

      1. rosa_barrio Post author

        Hola. That’s the same question many of us locals have asked many times. I suspect some of them are gay closet cases and with a female. She’s his “cover” to give the impression he’s “straight.” So they knew exactly where they were moving to when they moved to San Francisco’s Castro barrio.

        But for those who are not closet cases: Over the past decades, San Francisco had a reputation of being a Gay Mecca. These techies that have taken over the city seem to have missed all that. Where have they been not to know that? They didn’t watch any noticias/news at all? Too busy partying? We’re told the techies are such “geniuses” because they know coding skills. Well, they don’t seem to know much else despite their enormous heads. And they do some very foolish things such as throwing money away on overpriced things based in greed. Locals have reported hearing such comments as “there are too many gay people here in San Francisco” from some techies, and other anti-gay comments. Well, we were known as The Gay Mecca for decades so what did you assholes expect when you got here? That we GLBTQs had all left the city? Not quite, but it’s getting there. Gracias for your comment. Chau.

Fin. The End.