Females are so insecure and needy

Hola. ¿Qué tal? Below is a comment left on this article, but I decided to make it a post. Here’s what she wrote:

“I’m glad you have the spine to write about why many of us gays and lesbians resent straights coming into our gay areas. Most people wouldn’t have the courage to write that because they wouldn’t want to offend the straights, but sincerely I don’t care whether they are offended or not. I went to the gym this past Sunday. I go to the gay gym in the Castro that you’ve written about. You would have been turned off by what I saw. Two straight couples came to our gay gym while I was working out. Thank goodness one of them left but the other stayed (a young white couple in their early 20s). What got me was that the female of that couple had to hold the hand of the dude she was with to walk from one piece of workout equipment to another during her workout. I’ve never seen that before in our gym. During my workout I watched them and was getting more annoyed as I watched this girl being so insecure with herself and with her man that she had to show all the gay guys in the gym that he belonged to her. She must be one of these ignorant straights that think that a gay dude is interested in any dude just because he has a dick, so to show all the gay dudes in this gay gym that this dude belonged to her she had to hold her man’s hand in the gym walking from machine to machine. If she’s so afraid of the gay community in the Castro she and her man should go somewhere else where she feels more comfortable. There was one gay couple there and they’ve been there forever and they always hold hands but not when going from one piece of equipment to the other so it was good to see they were there and hopefully this straight couple got an eye full of the gay couple and got turned off and cancelled their membership. I can hope can’t I?! Thank you.—Liz

Muchas gracias for your comment, Liz. As you can see, I’ve titled this “Females are so insecure and needy.” That title came to me after I read about your experience at the gym. From what I hear, that gym is changing for the worse, just like San Francisco.

Not all females are insecure and needy, but from my experience the majority of females are. In my past, some muchachas whom I worked with were not at all needy and never into drama or attention at least around me. But the overwhelming majority of las muchachas I’ve dealt with were very insecure, needy, in need of drama, and some muchachas will admit to that. Other muchachas angrily deny it.

Most females need all this attention, this constant hand-holding, this constant holding of some kind, besos, doors opened for them, chairs pulled out for their needy ass, this done for them, that done for them, on and on, they’re such helpless needy people. Turn on that television and one sees the same needy, insecure behaviour from females in network programmes, obnoxious commercials and noticias/news. That’s in part where las chicas and their chicos learn this stuff and come to expect it in their own lives.

I’ve talked with some divorced guys over the years who were once married to a female and they confirmed this as well, and it was part of the reason they divorced. They referred to the females they were married to as, “she was High Maintenance” (they were being polite) and they couldn’t deal with it anymore. Some muchachos don’t divorce, they don’t feel like going through all the legal and emotional hassle and emotional baggage so they just stay away from home as often as possible so as to not be subjected to the neediness, the insecurity and constant nagging about what el muchacho hasn’t done for her that she expected (with her often needy and unrealistic expectations). There are the constant female mood swings which all men know about in detail, including gay chicos who have experienced the mood swings with amigas. One minute she’s fine, happy and laughing and the next minute—for some unknown reason—she’s an emotional wreck, in tears with an emotional meltdown in the works and storming out the room over something trivial. Five minutes later when she returns and one asks, “are you alright?” she responds with: “Yeah I’m fine, why?” She doesn’t remember any of it; it never happened according to her. One cannot predict a female’s behaviour or her mood, so don’t bother trying. With most females, you never know what her mood is going to be. She’s unpredictable. Which personality will show up today?

And of course this insecure and needy behaviour of females encourages chauvinistic behaviour from el chico whom she’s desperately grabbing the hand of as she needs/demands security/attention from him and clings to him.

After reading Liz’s comment, I was wondering how that mujer/woman in the gym would have travelled from one piece of workout equipment to another machine if her chico hadn’t been there to hold her needy hand and take her from one machine to another? What would the woman have done? Since she apparently couldn’t have travelled from one workout machine to another without him being there, no? How unfortunate that she’s never heard the words: independent, self-sufficient, autonomous or feminist.

From what I see these days feminism is dead and it’s people like this woman’s behaviour in the gym that has caused feminism to die. I especially see this chauvinistic behaviour in The Castro with young “straight” couples who look like they’re in their 20s or 30s. Is your clinging to him like a magnet to supposedly “protect him” and keep him away from the gay boys? Don’t flatter yourself, muchacha! Is it to let everyone know he belongs to you? Well who the fuck cares?! You’re in a major city where know one knows you (except your amigos, if you have any), you’re not in some small hamlet where everyone knows you. Psssssst: If your chico is interested in or wants a gay boy there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it, muchacha. And your clinging to him and neediness might backfire on you and turn him off. I know I’d damn-well get tired of it. jesus!

I know of two “straight” married couples (probably in their 40s or a bit older) where the partners are both equal in their relationship and in their interaction with each other. They don’t act at all like this couple from the gym: With that couple, did the female require “daddy” to hold her little hand going from machine to machine? The couples I know behave as equals, rather than the female being chauvinistically subservient to the guy. Ugh.

I’m also glad Liz brought this up: Just because el chico is gay does not mean he’s into any chico he sees. What fool thinks that? Just like any “straight” chico is not into any chica he sees. Well it works the same way with GLBTQ people. But some anti-gay morons or just ignorant people out there—and it sounds like that needy mujer/woman in the gym that Liz talked about might be one of them—do indeed hold to that fucked-up-in-the-head thinking that a gay chico is into any chico he sees because he’s into any dick, which is nonsense.

And finally, whenever I have the misfortune of seeing a “straight” couple around here as part of the “straights” invasion of the gay Castro barrio, el muchacho (of the “straight” couple) is always taller (at least a head taller if not more) than la chica he’s with. Is that so he can tower over her as some sexual, chauvinistic head-trip he’s on or they’re both on? She’s staring up at him like she’s looking up at a skyscraper—well really she looks like she’s desperately trying to climb up on him somehow standing on her tiptoes looking way up at him in her craving need for attention—as if she’s looking up at “daddy” with puppy-dog, limpid eyes and pleading, “daddy, please give me attention, I demand it, I crave it, por favor.” I see that scene I just described too often in The Castro these days. Ugh.

By contrast, most gay and lesbian couples I see around here seem to be about the same height.

Muchísimas gracias, Liz for your comment. Chau.—el barrio rosa

Related:

Chauvinism in The Castro (San Francisco)

I wouldn’t do well as a “straight” person

Why many GLBTQs resent “straights” coming to gay areas

San Francisco’s last gay gym fading to straight

Can gay people live anywhere today?

“Straights” come to the Castro to cheat

Why are heterosexuals so attracted to gay areas and gay bars?

More sanitising of San Francisco’s Castro

Gay Culture is Dead in 2014

7 comments on “Females are so insecure and needy

  1. Liz

    Hi this is Liz. I wrote the comment that you made into this article. Thank you so much. I didn’t expect that when I wrote it.

    I saw a similar thing today at my gym as before. There were two straight young couples there today, inseparable. With both, him=tall, her=short, as usual. While the guy was working out she was required to sit right beside him and touching him. Was she afraid the gay guys in the gym were going to attack and molest him? When she was working out it was the same way. Him sitting beside her and touching her. It looked really insecure. I’m not sure why he was doing that. Hasn’t he heard that gay guys are not into females?
    I’ve thought of going to another gym since I’m not happy with how this gym is changing since it became an independent gym. It’s much worse now than it was when it was part of the national chain. The problem is any other gym would likely be all straight and more expensive. Thanks again for making my comment into an article. Appreciate it.

  2. Virginia

    I’ve known many women that this article applies to. Notice I said “known” because I don’t like being around women like that. They annoy me by requiring so much of my time. It drains my patience.

    I’ve read many of your articles including this one and you’ve never said, but I gather that you have some background in psychology. Is that true?

  3. Fred

    Oh man, this article’s got it right. I was married to a woman twice. No more. Enough!! I want no more of it!! Everything this article says I experienced with both of my wives. You left out how she expects gifts and many of them. With females, if you don’t give them the right gift meaning the gift they expect, you’ll be able to tell immediately and you’ll never hear the end of it. She’ll use that against you when you’re having a fight for the next 40 years if you can stand to stay with her that long. I couldn’t. I ended both of my marriages and have no interest in getting married again.

  4. Ed in the Castro

    I’d like to comment on the height difference between male-female couples. I think it’s learned. I walked out of my apartment the other morning and coming down the street was a straight couple holding hands and swinging their arms. They were both very short people. He was maybe 4 feet tall and she was about 3 feet. Even with the shortest of couples the guy is or has to be a head taller.

  5. D8

    I saw this personal ad yesterday. The guy was looking for oral sex with a guy and said he had to be discreet because his girlfriend would freak if she knew. You have to admire the honesty these straight couples have with each other. When I see the straight scenes you’ve described that I see in the Castro, I wonder how many of these guys are gay, in the closet, will then get married if they’re not already, have children, then start fooling around on the side with guys if they’re not already, and one day reveal the truth: “dear, I’m gay.” She might say that she already knew. Things take a major turn from there.

  6. Alejandro

    Reminds me of last week at the grocery store. I need to go to Produce and a straight couple walks by me hand in hand, shoulder to shoulder and walking in lockstep. Their bodies couldn’t have been any closer unless one was on top of the other. I’m thinking WTF? I wanted to ask them did you just meet? That’s how they looked. Why didn’t they get a room before coming to the grocery store? Is it really necessary to hold hands with her shoulder up against his walking locked walking through a grocery store? Like with other straight couples I see it didn’t look like affection, it looked like some regimen. With this couple they were about the same height. Don’t know how that happened!

  7. bianca

    i know what you mean about the male-female height thing. i see that too. it’s strange. sometimes i can’t tell if a guy is making out with his little daughter, or his girlfriend? he’s almost bent to his waist leaning way down just to get to her face.

Fin. The End.